Trials of Life (Post-Partum, Anxiety, Stress)

Just Release Real Estate Ebook

2010-08-13T01:28:00.002-04:00

How to Make a Killing in the Real Estate Market

2010-08-13T01:20:00.001-04:00

“How to Make a Killing in the Real Estate Market” is a valuable resource to teach you how to identify key properties and go about the process of buying, renovating, renting and finally selling your property. In the process of doing that it will also teach you how to make more money than you ever dreamed of.

It answers all the important questions about investing in low costs homes and why you should do it with cash and how this is possible all over the United States.

This book provides real examples of real houses currently on the market today that you can go out and try to buy tomorrow. If by some chance that house is sold then there will be something similar as the inventory of houses available for sale is at an all time high.

We will show you how to identify the hidden diamonds in the rough. We walk you through the entire process from finding foreclosure properties to picking the best deals.

Foreclosures are at a record high. Just think 23 banks in America closed their doors in July 2010 alone and the number of home foreclosures set a record in the second quarter of 2010, with banks repossessing 269,962 United States homes.

With all of these foreclosures on the market, how do you make the right deal? How do you find out where these foreclosures are? How do you select a real estate agent? What steps do you need to take to buy the house of your dream without it turning into a nightmare?

I have been doing this for the past eight years, and have looked at hundreds of houses and been through more neighborhoods then I care to admit. I’ve used a flashlight in the middle of the night, and I’ve peaked in behind boarded up houses as a wild viral cat with red eyes leapt out ready to attack.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained and for the cost of a Big Mac meal you can get valuable information that can help safeguard your early retirement and provide income to your children and your children’s children for generations to come.

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Buy now, don’t delay as opportunities like this do not come around too often. Soon the market will rebound and the deals will be gone and then you will have nothing but regret.

Go to www.howtomakeakillinginrealestate.com and order today.

Buy this invaluable E-Book now for $4.99 and find a house for $11,000 in 2010 or wait till 2011 or 2012 and pay $9.99 for the book and then pay $110,000 for a house!

Why the big jump in house prices? These killer deals will not last forever.

Which one would you prefer?

$4.99 E-book and $11,000 house NOW or $9.99 E-Book and $110,000 house LATER.

Well I would prefer to put the $98,995.00 savings in the bank for a rainy day, what about you? The choice is yours to make, are you ready?

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Allah is Al Hakim (The Most Wise)

2008-09-14T11:58:00.003-04:00

Salamu alaykum,
I found the most beneficial post on this sisters blog and I'm posting it here. Check out her blog though al hamdulilaah.

http://farhathashmi.wordpress.com/2008/06/02/whatever-allah-doesit-is-for-our-best/

Whatever Allaah does….it is for our best

by Asma bint Shameem

When my daughter was 2 years old, she loved to play with the water in the commode. Yes, that’s right….the commode. Yuck!! That’s nasty! You would say. But to her, that was the delight of the day! Splish…splash! To her there was nothing like it! And so when I would prevent her from it, she would scream and cry and wouldn’t want to stop. She didn’t understand how harmful that was for her. In her little mind, I took away something that she really enjoyed.

And when I would take her to the doctor to have her immunization shots, she didn’t understand either. She would howl at the top of her lungs at the first sight of the needle and would run the other way. It would take two of us just to hold her down! To her, frankly, it was plain torture! Her innocent little mind simply could not even begin to understand how, on earth, could being tortured by a needle, be good for you?!! She didn’t realize that this ‘needle’ will Insha Allaah protect her from certain illnesses and harm that is much more severe than the prick of this little needle.

So what’s the point here?

The point I am trying to make is that we, as parents sometimes do things for our kids, out of our great love and concern for them, which they may not understand. They do not see the wisdom behind it, although we do, and so we carry out those things because we know it will be better for them.

And for Allah is the Highest example. (Surah Nahl:60) وَلِلّهِ الْمَثَلُ الْأَعْلَىَ

So when Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta’ala , in His Infinite Wisdom, tests us with a situation that we think is difficult or takes away something that in our mind was good for us, we need to remember that perhaps it may not be so. Perhaps if we had continued in our way, it might have been harmful for us and whatever Allaah decreed for us is actually better for us, for He is All-Wise and All-Knowing.

Allaah says:

“…and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know.” (Surah Baqarah: 216)

Al-Hasan al-Basri said: “Do not resent the calamities that come and the disasters that occur, for perhaps in something that you dislike will be your salvation, and perhaps in something that you prefer will be your doom.”

Remember that we are dealing with the One who is Arham ar-Raahimeen, the Most Merciful of all that show mercy. All the mercy that we have in this world from Adam (Alaiyhi Salaam) to the Day of Judgment is only one hundredth of the Mercy of the Most Merciful. And He is Most Wise. He knows and we don’t know.

So have faith in Him and trust in Him and although, sometimes we may not understand the reason behind certain things, know that as long as you obey Him, whatever He will do for you is, in fact for your betterment.

So if Allaah didn’t give you that big house, or that nice car you wanted or that big raise you were hoping for, know in your mind and believe in your heart that it is actually better for you. Who knows…..maybe that big house, that car or that money would have become a source of ‘fitnah’ for you….Perhaps you would have become arrogant and conceited because of it, and Allaah saved you from it. Because, you know that the Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

“Any one in whose heart is even a mustard seed’s worth of pride will not enter Paradise.” (Muslim)

And if you have been sick and suffering, sure it is not easy. But again, know in your mind and believe in your heart that it is indeed better for you. For, if you bear patiently, it will be a means of expiation for your sins and a source of great reward. The Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

“There is nothing that befalls a believer, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will record one good deed for him and will remove one bad deed from him.” (Muslim)

And: “On the Day of Resurrection, when people who had suffered affliction are given their reward, those who were healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world (when they see the immense rewards for the afflictions they suffered).” (Tirmidhi-Saheeh by al-Albaani)

If Allaah took away a dear, loved one, believe, from the bottom of your heart, that surely this was better. For, you never know, had the one who passed away lived longer, may be his life would have been one of sins and disobedience and Allaah, out of His Mercy, took him before that….in a state of Imaan.

And if life has been difficult, worries surround you and calamities after calamities befall you, hear the good news from the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam): “Trials will continue to befall the believing man and woman, with regard to themselves, their children and their wealth, until they meet Allaah with no sin on them.” (Tirmidhi– saheeh by al-Albaani)

Subhaan Allaah! No sin?! And what is it from this world that you wouldn’t give up, just to meet Allaah with no sin??!!

Remember that the One Who is testing you is the Most Wise, the Most Merciful and the Most Loving…..and that He did not send this calamity in order to destroy you….or cause you pain or finish you off. Rather, He is checking on you, testing your patience, acceptance and faith; it is so that He may hear your du’a and supplication, so that He may see you standing before Him….seeking His protection….filled with humility and complaining to Him, alone. The difficulties you face is a reminder for you to return to Allaah and ask for forgiveness from Him. Who knows… if He didn’t give you the difficulty, maybe you would have strayed from Him far, far away….

Ibn Taymiyah said: A calamity that makes you turn to Allaah is better for you than a blessing which makes you forget the remembrance of Allaah.”

Thus in our times of trouble, when we go through pain and suffering and in our times of loss, we need to trust Allaah. We need to keep in mind that as long as we fear Him and try our best to obey Him, He will never do us wrong. He will protect us and guide us and do the best for us, no matter what the situation apparently looks like. Allaah says in a hadeeth Qudsi:

“I am as my slave thinks of me and I am with him whenever he remembers me.” (Agreed Upon).

It is actually a sign of our weakness and shortsightedness, that we tend to focus on the calamities themselves, without paying much attention to the benefits that they may bring. We also forget to look at all other innumerable blessings that we enjoy and see around us.

Our minds, our logic and our senses cannot even begin to fathom the Wisdom, the Knowledge and the Hikmah behind Allaah’s decisions and verdicts. It is He who is the Wise….it is He who is the Just and it is He who is the Knower of the unseen. If we trust in Allaah, He will suffice and it is He who will grant us goodness in any situation and under any circumstances.

“And when someone puts all his trust in Allah, He will be enough for him.” (Surah at-Talaaq:3)

The Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

“If you put your trust completely in Allah, He will arrange for your sustenance in the same way as He provides for the birds. They go out in the morning with their stomachs empty and return filled in the evening.” (Tirmidhi-saheeh).

So trust Him….for, there is much reward in trusting Him…..it is Jannah. And there is sin in distrusting Him. Calamities and disasters are a test, and they are a sign of Allaah’s love for a person. They are like medicine: even though it is bitter, yet, in spite of its bitterness you still give it to the one whom you love….

“The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allaah loves a people He tests them. Whoever accepts that wins His pleasure but whoever is discontent with that earns His wrath.” (Saheeh al-Tirmidhi)

Ramadan Mubarak

2008-09-14T00:35:00.002-04:00

Extending greetings on the arrival of the month of Ramadhaan
*Please appropriately reference this fatwa to: www.fatwa-online.com, thankyou!*
Question: Upon the arrival of the month of Ramadhaan, we hear many people congratulating one another on its arrival by saying: "Congratulations to you on (the arrival of) the month of Ramadhaan". So is there any legal basis for this? Provide us with a fatwa, and may you be rewarded.

Response: There is no harm in extending greetings on the arrival of the month of Ramadhaan, because the Prophet (sal-Allaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) would give glad tidings to his Companions on the arrival of the month of Ramadhaan, and he would encourage them to exert themselves with noble actions (during this month). And Allaah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala) says:

{Say: "In the bounty of Allaah, and in His Mercy - therein let them rejoice." That is better than what (the wealth) they amass}, Soorah Yoonus, Aayah 58

So extending greetings for this month and (showing) happiness at its arrival is indicative of the desire for that which is good. And the Pious Predecessors would give glad tidings to one another on the arrival of the month of Ramadhaan - following the example of the Prophet (sal-Allaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) as occurs in the long hadeeth of Salmaan in which the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said:

«O people, a great month has overshadowed you, a blessed month...» and so on til the end of the hadeeth.

Shaykh Ibn Fowzaan
Fataawa Ramadhaan - Volume 2, Page 741, Fatwa No.750
al-Muntaqaa min Fataawa Shaykh Saalih Ibn Fowzaan - Volume 3, Page 123

Myra Morton pleads guilty to murdering her husband.

2008-06-22T00:50:00.003-04:00

I posted this case several months ago and I wondered what had happened in the case of polygyny gone way wrong. Here is the end result. It's all so sad when you think about it. May Allah have mercy on everyone involved.

Myra Morton pleads guilty to murdering her husband.
By Derrick Nunnally
Posted on Fri, Apr. 25, 2008

INQUIRER STAFF WRITER

Myra Morton admitted today she shot her bigamist husband to death hours before he was to fly to Morocco to meet his second wife.
Speaking quietly in a Montgomery County courtroom this morning, Morton, 48, pleaded guilty to a third-degree murder count that could have sent her to prison for decades for the slaying of handyman-turned-millionaire Jereleigh "Seddik" Morton. He was shot twice in his head Aug. 5 as he slept in their Whitpain Township mansion. At one point, Myra Mortonclaimed an intruder committed the murder.

No explanation for her changed story came in this morning's court appearance. In exchange for the guilty plea, prosecutors dropped charges she had filed false reports and agreed to ask that her minimum prison sentence be no more than 10 years.

The sentencing hearing is expected to be in about 90 days, Montgomery County Assistant District Attorney Steven Latzer said.

Last month, Jereleigh Morton's second wife, a Moroccan named Zahra Toural, sued Myra Morton for defaming her and ruining her reputation. The federal lawsuit is still pending.

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20080425_Myra_Morton_pleads_guilty_to_murdering_her_husband_.html

The Repentance of Maalik Ibn Dinaar (Ibn Qudamah)

2008-05-28T12:10:00.004-04:00

I was a policeman and I was given to drinking. I bought a beautiful slave who gave me a daughter. I doted over my daughter and when she began to crawl on all fours I grew even more fond of her. Whenever I put a strong drink in front of me she would come to me and pull me away from it, or she would spill it from me. When she completed two years she died. I became consumed with grief over her loss.

When the night of mid-Sha`ban came; it was the night before Jummah; I stayed home and drank... I did not pray the `Isha prayer. Then I had a dream that the Day of Judgment had begun, the Trumpet was blown, the graves gave up their dead, mankind was gathered up, and I was among them. I heard something behind me. I turned around and saw a dragon of indescribable size, blue-black, rushing for me with wide open jaws. I fled in terror.

I passed by a Shaykh dressed in spotless clothes, exuding a fragrant smell. I greeted him and he greeted me back. I said to him: Oh Shaykh! Protect me from this dragon, and may Allah protect you! The Shaykh wept and said: I am weak and it is stronger than me, I cannot overcome it. Go quickly, perhaps Allaah will grant you something that will save you from it.

I turned and resumed my flight. I climbed up on one of the promontories of the Day of Resurrection overlooking the layers of Hellfire. I looked at the horror they contained and almost fell in for fear of the dragon. But a crier cried out to me: Go back! You are not among its mates. His words stilled my fears and I went back.

But the dragon again pursued me. I went back to the Shaykh and said: Oh Shaykh! I begged you to protect me from this dragon but you didn't protect me. Again he wept and said: I am weak, but proceed to this mountain. In it are kept the stores (wada'i`) of Muslims. If there is in something in store (wadi`a) for you, then it will help you.

I looked and saw a round-shaped moutain of silver topped with domes of hollowed pearl and hanging drapes, and every dome had two large gates of red gold encrusted with emeralds and pearls and overhung with drapes of silk.

When I saw the mountain I fled to it with the dragon in hot pursuit. As I approached the mountain one of the angels cried: Raise up the veils, open the gates, and look out! Perhaps this wretched one has something in store with you that will save him from his enemy. At this the veils were lifted, the gates were opened, and out of the palaces came children with faces like full moons. The snake was catching up to me and I was near despair.

One of the children cried: Woe to you! Come and see, all of you! His enemy is very near him. Whereupon the children came one wave after another, and among them was the dear daughter of mine that had died two years before. When she saw me she wept and said: My father, by Allaah! Then she leapt in a carriage of light and came near me with the speed of an arrow. She put her left hand in my right hand and I held on to her. Then she stretched her right hand towards the dragon and it turned around and fled.

My daughter bade me sit, then she sat in my lap and began to stroke my beard and said: Oh my father! "Has not the time come for those who believe, that their hearts become humble at the remembrance of Allah?" (57:16) I began to weep and said: Oh my daughter, you children know the Qur'an? She replied: My father! We know it better than you.

I said to her: Tell me about the dragon which wanted to destroy me. She said: Those were your evil deeds which you built up and strengthened, and they wanted to take you to Hellfire. I asked: What about the Shaykh I passed by? She replied: O my father, those were your righteous deeds, you made them weak until they were no match for your evil deeds.

I said: Oh my daughter! What are you all doing in this moutain? She said: We are the children of Muslims, we have been given this dwelling until the Hour rises. We await whatever you send forth to us, and we intercede for you.

Maalik (Ibn Dinaar) then said: Then I awoke in a start and saw that morning had come. I flung the potion from me and shattered the drinking-cups, and I repented to Allaah.

Source: Kitaab at-Tawwabeen (223-225)
Taken from http://abdullah3.multiply.com/

Death Strikes Without Warning

2008-05-25T10:48:00.009-04:00

Please make sure to remember death and that there is a reckoning and that you will be called to account. Death can happen unexpectedly and you must be prepared. Return to the worship of your Lord and Sustainer the one who Created You and Everything in the universe. Remember that the hellfire is real and paradise is real. We all will be called to account on judgement day, the world will be made plain and then we will arise. The straight path is hard but it is worth it.

Reflect on surah Ikhlas, one of the shortest chapters in the Qur'an

Say: He is Allah, the One and Only! Allah, the Eternal, Absolute; He begetteth not nor is He begotten. And there is none like unto Him

And know that there is only One God, Who is Unique and Not like his creation. He has no children and is not in need of children. He is above His creation.

The pictures you see are from an accident that happened on my door step over the weekend.

On Friday afternoon at 7:30pm a young woman driver crashed into my mailbox then her car flipped over and hit my telephone pole. The telephone pole smashed into her and crushed into the passenger seat. My husband was praying Asr but when he heard the crash he broke his prayer. I quickly dialed 911 and told the police to come quick there was an accident and someone would definitely be injured as I knew from the noise it was bad. My husband ran out to help and tried to open the car door - but it had been crushed into the woman. She seemed dead - but when he started speaking to her she began breathing again. The car alarm was going off and music was playing. He turned the key to turn the car off and waited for the police and ambulance to arrive. When they came, they cut the car roof off at the front and lifted it back to take her out. They put a neck and arm brace on her and took her out by stretcher then flew her to hospital by helicopter.
My husband saw her open her eyes look up to the sky then close her eyes.

My husband thought that whoever she was, she will feel lucky to be alive and he thought he should find her in hospital and write her a letter about Islam and give her a qur'an so she can think about it.

That night my husband couldn't sleep at all - he kept seeing her face in the car looking dead and twisted over on the passenger seat..

The next day we rang the police and some hospitals to find her - but they wouldn't tell us anything as we didn't know her name and they said it was illegal to release information. Then at 6pm some Muslim sisters came by to see me. They wanted to visit where the sister had died because they knew her.

We found out then that it was a muslim sister in the car and she had died in the morning from the brain injury and internal bleeding. They had operated on her brain but blood just came pouring out everywhere. (inna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raajioon).

We couldn't believe it - we were in shock - If we had known she was muslim we would have told her to say laa ilaaha illallaah.

The sisters who came by had just come from the janaza (funeral). The family followed the sunnah and had her buried the same day she died without delay even though the hospital said they would need a court order to release the body. Allah made it easy for them.

The sisters told me that she lived down the road and was 21 years old from a Nigerian Muslim family. They took us to see her mom. The girl's name was Aisha - may Allaah have mercy upon her.

Her mom was so proud of how obedient Aisha was - she said Aisha always listened to her and would spend her money on her mom and that she always prayed on time even if she was very tired. Her mom said that all the food in the house was what her daughter had brought for her. Whenever they went shopping together and the mother mentioned that she liked something her daughter would buy it for her. The mom said that the daughter always told her where she was and even if she stopped at a store on the way home from work, she would call her from the store to let her know where she was. The mom said that the daughter reassured her that she was keeping herself chaste and had no need for boys right now and she did not have to worry. She had been accepted into medical school and didn't want anything to distract her from her studies.

Aisha's dad is in Kuwait and the earliest flight to the US is Tuesday.

May Allaah have mercy upon Aisha, forgive her, and grant her jannah tul firdous - ameen

Narrow Escape ??? - Better said - Another Chance

2008-05-22T06:08:00.001-04:00

By Y.Yilmaz

Since my childhood, I have been afraid of small, confined spaces and furiously fled such places. Later, I understood that this condition was known as claustrophobia, but I have never been able to master it. Now, unwillingly, I had to enter a closed narrow space. I was wrapped in a shroud and lying in a long coffin. I could hear the voice of the people around me quite well. And although my eyes were closed, I could see them clearly.

"He died so young," they said and added, "He had so many things to do."

It was true that I had left a great deal of work half done; I had not set up a good business for my son, completed the payment of the instalment of the car and TV. Winter was around the corner, but I had not prepared the leaking roof or bought the fuel. Now the dream to establish a big firm and employ my friends had dispersed to nothing.

Suddenly, I was irritated by a noise that, as if coming through a microphone, echoed in every remote cell of my brain:

"It is all over!"

I wished it had not been all over, I did not know why the accident happened. I was a good driver.

As I was trying to recall the events that had taken place, I realized that my friends surrounding the coffin were covering it by putting the lid over me. No matter how much I wanted to shout, I could neither move nor speak. I was in complete darkness and turned my eyes towards the light coming from the gaps in the coffin.

I said to myself in horror, "Oh my God! What am I going to do now?"

Seized with fear, I could think of nothing. Later, I was lifted onto their shoulders as they began to carry the coffin. Hearing the noise coming from outside, I understood that it was raining. The noise of the raindrops mingled with the creaking of the coffin. We must have gone to the mosque for the funeral prayer.

I remembered that although the mosque was so close to my home, I had never paid it a visit. I had planned to start prayers after the age of fifty and I would quit the bad habits everyone complained about. If the accident had not occurred, I would have been a good fellow.

The voice that I heard before repeated, "It is all over!" A little later my funeral prayer was completed. The imam was asking people's opinion as to "what kind of character I was." I knew that among them were some eight or ten persons who did not give an opinion. I accepted that I had given them some evil and harm, but if the accident had not occurred, I would have been pleased to make amends and duly compensate them for the equivalent of any harm done. After the prayer in the mosque was completed, I was lifted onto the shoulders again. Due to the inclination of the coffin, I understood that we were on the road uphill to the grave. I was aware that it was pouring rain and the rain was seeping through the cracks in the coffin onto the shroud, making it damp. Nevertheless, I tried to listen to the conversations coming from outside. Some of my friends were talking about the stagnation of the market, some were commentating on a Western film they had seen the previous evening on the TV. Another, carrying my coffin whispered, "What a bad day the deceased chose to die, we have got wet through and through."

I could not believe what I heard and I thought that I must have misunderstood. Were they not the ones for whom I had sacrificed my wealth and my health?

A little later my journey finished and my coffin was put down on the ground. The lid was removed again. The arms holding my weak and lifeless flesh put it into the hole where a little water had collected. Lying on the ground, I looked around:

"Oh my God, was it a grave?" I did not know why I had not thought until then that I would be buried in a grave. No one heard my silent cries, and my best friends seemed to be competing each other to cover my body with thick boards.

I was in complete darkness once more. I began to pray with all my cells, "Oh my Merciful God," I said, "Is there another chance to be a real servant of Yours?"

The same voice repeated, "It is all over, everything has finished."

I was shaken by the noise of the earth. With a final effort to get up, I opened my eyes. I was lying on my comfortable bed and it had all been a nightmare. One of my neighbours, a doctor, was standing at the bedside.

"It is all over," he repeated. "You are all right."

I sat up slowly from the bed. I was dripping with perspiration, feeling I had lost twenty kilos in weight. It was raining heavily outside and the whole house was shaken by thunder.

While I was trying to recover myself in front of the bewildered eyes of the others, I whispered, "Oh my Lord, a thousand thanks to You. What would I do if You had not given me another chance to be an obedient servant of Yours?

Remember death.

But our lives are such that we become so occupied with the things of this life that we forget that we are going to die. As Allah said, the gathering of wealth has deluded man from the realities of life and they only wake up when they end up in their graves.

At-Takathur 102: "The mutual rivalry for piling up (the good things of this world) diverts you (from the more serious things), until ye visit the graves. But nay, ye soon shall know the reality…"

This is a fearful statement, that if we live lives unconscious of our deaths and thereby be lost in trivialities, these are things that are really ultimately not going to benefit us in the next life.

And what happens on the Day of Judgement, when we stand before Allah and answer for each and every deed that we have done, when nothing escapes Allah, when the things that we have in this life will be of no benefit to us. The only thing that will benefit us is to stand before Allah with a pious and healthy heart.

'When we die, we leave behind all that we have and take with us all that we are.'

MAY ALLAH GUIDE US ALL ON TO THE STRAIGHT PATH.

***************************************************************************
{Invite (mankind, O Muhammad ) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Inspiration and the Qur'an) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided.}
(Holy Quran-16:125)

{And who is better in speech than he who [says: "My Lord is Allah (believes in His Oneness)," and then stands straight (acts upon His Order), and] invites (men) to Allah's (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: "I am one of the Muslims."} (Holy Quran-41:33)

The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "By Allah, if Allah guides one person by you, it is better for you than the best types of camels." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslim]

The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also said, "Whoever calls to guidance will have a reward similar to the reward of the one who follows him, without the reward of either of them being lessened at all."
[Muslim, Ahmad, Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee, at-Tirmidhee, Ibn Maajah]

Watch Your Back

2008-04-12T18:24:00.005-04:00

It's always amazing to many how these muslim brothers can get up to such mischief and the wife never knows.

How can a brother have a girl friend in another town and the wife never know? Well much of this happens when you have the husband living or working in another town or region seperate from the wife. So then it becomes easy to live this life especially if the husband has no expectation of the wife showing up unexpectedly and if the wife has no friends or associates in said town where husband is.

The question is though is it better not to know or would you want to know or be told - knowing that this may be the straw to break the proverbial camels back? Of course sometimes the wife does know and is just in denial and doesn't want to confirm what the reality is and would prefer to pretend. What's the point of asking a question when you don't want to know the answer or are not ready to deal with the inevitable fallout?

Solutions to this problem - well the men need to fear Allah and follow the rights of Allah upon them. The muslim brothers with friends like these should admonish them and not just go along with the program. How can you allow your muslim brother to commit a sin punishable with death by stoning and remain silent?

No one is infallible and without sin but how and why has the muslim community followed after the non-muslim to such a severe degree that even the phenomenon of girl friends on the side is becoming more and more prevalent?

The situation is very sad and yet another sign of the last days.

Friendship Poems

2008-03-18T07:55:00.006-04:00

Friendship
Standing by,
All the way.
Here to help you through your day.

Holding you up,
When you are weak,
Helping you find what it is you seek.

Catching your tears,
When you cry.
Pulling you through when the tide is high.

Just being there,
Through thick and thin,
All just to say, you are my friend.

- Brittani Kokko -

A Friend's Greeting
I'd like to be the sort of friend that
you have been to me;
I'd like to be the help that
you've been always glad to be;

I'd like to mean as much to you
each minute of the day
As you have meant, old friend of mine,
to me along the way.

I'd like to do the big things and
the splendid things for you,
To brush the gray from out your skies
and leave them only blue;

I'd like to say the kindly things that
I so oft have heard,
And feel that I could rouse your soul
the way that mine you've stirred.

I'd like to give you back the joy
that you have given me,
Yet that were wishing you a need
I hope will never be;

I'd like to make you feel as rich as I,
who travel on
Undaunted in the darkest hours with you to
lean upon.

I'm wishing at this time that I
could but repay
A portion of the gladness that
you've strewn along my way;

And could I have one wish this year,
this only would it be:
I'd like to be the sort of friend
that you have been to me.
Edgar A Guest -

Recession, Debt, and Stress

2008-03-18T07:11:00.003-04:00

In islam there are prayers one can make to free oneself from debt.
Debt is a burden and it can cause much grief and depression and anxiety.
When we are in debt we have to do things that we may not want to do especially if we are not making the money to pay off the debts.

The person who makes things easy on the one who has debt is rewarded by Allah.
A hadith qudsi was narrated on the authority of Abu Masud al Ansari what said that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
A man from among those who were before you was called to account. Nothing in the way of good was found for him except that he used to have dealings with people, and being well to do he would order his servants to let off the man in straitened circumstances (from repaying his debt). He said that Allah said: We are worthier than you of that. Let him off. It was related by Muslim.

There are four main things you can do to prepare your personal finances for a recession:

Get out of debt. This is very important. You need to work hard to reduce your overall debt level. Pay down balances as much as you can. Put together a debt reduction plan that will help you dramatically reduce how much you owe to others. Debt can be a major problem during a recession, and if you have a lot of it, it can become difficult to take care of your other needs.

Build up an emergency fund. You need to build up an emergency cash fund to help you if needed. This is true of any time, but especially true in the run up to a recession. While you probably can't just set aside three to six months' worth of salary now, you can build up a reserve. Every little bit helps, and the important thing is to get into the habit of saving.

Consider investing in blue-chip stocks. CNN Money points out that now is not the time to freak out about the stock market. Indeed, there is a good argument to buy, while prices are low. Here is what Walter Updegrave says on CNN Money:

"But remember, the shares you buy while the stock market is down will likely be the ones that will have generated the biggest gains a decade or more down the road. And the money you invest during market setbacks could very well provide the spending cash you'll need in your later retirement years."

Choose solid stocks that are likely to make a good recovery. They may not offer good returns right now, but they are the tried and true that will recover from a recession.

If you plan carefully now, and take the appropriate steps, your personal finances should be able to survive a recession.

And Allah says in the Qur'an to not engage in riba (interest). So we must strive as best as we can to avoid riba and if we have loans or credit card debt with riba to try and get rid of it as soon as we can and to take steps to avoid getting new riba based debt.

And the supplication said to the debtor when he settles his debt:
May Allah bless for you, your family and wealth. Surely commendation and payment are the reward for a loan.

Another supplication for settling a debt: O Allah make what is lawful enough for me as opposed to what is unlawful and spare me by your grace of need of others. Ameen.
O Allah I take refuge in you from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts, and from being over powered by men. Ameen.

Post Partum Anxiety

2008-03-17T07:40:00.003-04:00

What Anxiety Disorders are Common in the Postpartum Period?

Women with postpartum anxiety disorders experience a spectrum of problems that range in severity from adjustment disorder to generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) to obsessive-compulsive disorder to panic disorder.

It's important to note, however, that these anxiety disorders are not unique to the postpartum period. In fact, anxiety disorders are one of the most common psychiatric problems seen by mental health and family practice professionals. Studies show that more women than men suffer anxiety disorders. About 10 percent of women in the United States will have an anxiety disorder sometime in their lives, while 5 percent of men will experience these problems.

Adjustment disorder is a reaction to an external stress beyond what is considered typical. It is usually time-limited and responds well to minimal intervention. Many people have difficulty accommodating to changes in their lives such as divorce, job loss, retirement, or other crises.

Twenty-nine-year-old Darla's story is typical of a problem called adjustment disorder. Although it is not specifically an anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder is included in this section because anxiety is such a common feature. However, symptoms of depression may be present also.

After my son was born, I felt "revved up" and could not sit down and relax for a minute. I felt like there was a motor inside that would not shut off. I just thought it was the excitement of having the baby we had wanted for so long. When I got home from the hospital, I couldn't sleep at all. I got so tired and irritable that when he cried I wanted to yell, "Shut up!" This only made me feel worse. I was worried I was not going to be able to handle being a mother. I found myself avoiding taking care of my baby. It took me almost two weeks before I could enjoy him.

Darla was referred to a therapist who helped her learn to relax and to not worry so much about minor problems like diaper rash. Darla tended to "catastrophize." Small events took on life-and-death proportions in her thinking. Darla learned to observe herself catastrophizing and to be more objective in her assessment of situations. After several sessions with the therapist, Darla was less anxious, was beginning to enjoy the baby, and was able to sleep when the baby slept.

Are You Having Any of These Symptoms?

Are you so anxious that you cannot adquately care for your baby?
Are you afraid of hurting yourself or the baby to the extent that you are not sure that you can stop yourself?
Are your compulsive behaviors harmful to the baby?
Are you so anxious that you cannot eat or sleep?
If so, consult a mental health professional and tell him/her that you require immediate attention.

Taken from http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Anxiety/women_14.asp

Don't miss the Bus

2008-03-17T07:18:00.004-04:00

Today is a good day
Inshallah I won't have to use my AK.

Oh such humor on a monday morning.
I got the kids off to school without missing the school bus - just barely.
My seven year old is not a morning person at all. She refuses to get out of
bed and will stay in until absolutely the last moment. And then move like a turtle
when she does get up whining and fussing.
She had the nerve to question the hair do she was going to get - in 1 minute - all that was available was a ponytail!
I had to tell her to run to the bus stop as it was pulling up in front of our house and she had not left the bedroom! She ran this time as many time she has dared the bus driver to leave by walking at a snails pace and indeed the bus driver drove off with a smile as if to say - next time RUN!

I tried to get them to bed early last night but they want to sit up and talk so this is my punishment for not punishing them sufficiently enough last night.

The baby was up late last night along with my 1 year old (3 a.m. ) so I will be heading back to sleep soon inshallah as its 7:23am and I'm really not ready to face the world.

Post-partum I am feeling fine al hamdulilaah. I just get overwhelmed with my responsibilities and the kids sometimes especially when they start crying at the same time. Can you imagine a 2 month old, 1 1/2 year old and then the 5 year old starts up from sibling fighting! Oh the noise makes me get in the car with the 2 month old and leave the house and the rest of the kids to the husband! It's called the Grand Escape and I have done it and just gone Shopping. When the going gets tough the tough go Shopping!

The Extraordinary Exchange

2008-03-16T10:55:00.003-04:00

A sister named Maryam from one of the yahoo groups that I'm a member of shared this story with the group and I thought it was just a wonderful sentiment so I'm sharing it here with everyone. Al hamdulilaah.

The cheerful little girl with bouncy curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them - a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?"

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma".

As soon as Aisha got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies.
After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbour and asked Aunty Jamshed if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday,
Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Aisha loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them
everywhere, Sunday madressa classes, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Aisha had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story from the Quraan. One night as he finished the story, he asked Aisha, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you."

"Then give me your pearls."

"Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favourite."

"That's okay, Aisha, daddy loves you. Allah-hafez." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Aisha's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"

"Daddy, you know I love you."

"Then give me our pearls."

"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."

"That's okay. Sleep well. May Allah bless you & protect you, Aisha. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss. A few nights later when her daddy came in, Aisha was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

"What is it, Aisha? What's the matter?"

Aisha didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. When she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, daddy, this is for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Aisha's daddy reached out with one hand to take the cheap necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Aisha. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.

So it is with Allah Almighty. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures. Isn't Allah great? Are you holding onto things that Allah wants you to let go of? Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go?

Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing…Allah will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

What's Going On?

2008-03-13T15:53:00.003-04:00

Things are looking a little bit better.
The weather is getting a little bit warmer.
I'm over the Flu. Yeah.
The children are sleeping a little bit better.
My two month old is drinking a lot of breast milk with soy milk
thrown in when my other children are watching him so I can get things done.
this is the first time I've had to use soy milk before the children are weaned but such is the life these days.

I'm trying to get rid of the clutter in my house and got rid of tons of stuff to good will. I have tons more but husband won't let me touch his office clutter which is tons! He believes in keeping everything so I do what I can.

I have a house full of kids - 6 in a small house so there is a whole lot of clutter and no real privacy for the kids. I had a visitor yesterday. One of my husband's friends came by and brought his new wife. They've been married about 2 years I guess as they have a 10 month old son. She was nice although her english was limited as she is a new arrival from Pakistan.

I'm trying to start a new exercise regimen and now with the weather getting warmer there is no reason not to go for long walks. I wanted to join a woman's gym but then have to worry about who will babysit the two youngest 19 months and 2 months. The 19 month is not a problem with the hubbster but the 2 month old he just doesn't have the patience for. My 11 year old is good with him though so with her and hubster maybe I can do it. This will inshallah improve my mental health and my fat stores! I can't take being overweight. I'm taking birth control pills and am making sure not to miss any this time as I'm hoping for an early menopause!

Look Beyond My Face

2008-02-17T20:24:00.003-05:00

Here is an old poem I wrote back in 1987 that I wanted to share.

Look Beyond My Face
I hate and I love
but my face hides it all.
So much pain none can see,
so much bitterness that could
harm others, if they should see it too.
The love is there too,
obscure in it's intensity.
It's all hidden within my face.
In the deep trenches of ny soul.
A chosen few will look beyond my face
and see the complex emotions
which lurk inside.

The Way We Were

2008-02-15T21:16:00.003-05:00

Memories,
Like the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were

Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? could we?

Memories, may be beautiful and yet
Whats too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So its the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember...
The way we were...
The way we were...

Always Alone

2008-02-10T01:39:00.000-05:00

Even in a crowd.
With Family and Friends.
Kissing and touching a face.
Always Alone.
Never together
Never a part of anyone.
Always Alone.

With Every Goodbye You Learn

2008-02-10T01:06:00.000-05:00

I've been spending the last several days going through a total clutter clean in my house and I came across something I had read in high school many, many moons ago. I kept it and well it really is the truth years later and much experience later.

After A While

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure that you really are strong and that you really do have worth
And you learn...
And you learn with every goodbye you learn...

©1971 Veronica Shoffstall.

How Will You Die?

2008-02-03T14:40:00.000-05:00

Thought of the Day

Whoever dies on something will be resurrected in the same state that he died. Can you imagine a person dying while he's committing zina, taking drugs, committing murder, not praying, taking riba, committing adultery...

Imagine on the Day of Judgement being resurrected fornicating. Subhannallah don't delay your repentance and know that no one knows when they will die. What makes you think that you will even live tomorrow? The firm believer fears a bad end while the careless one thinks he can do it tomorrow.

When the angel of death comes suddenly the firm believer is ready, his good deeds are ready to go and he can't wait to meet his Lord. The careless one asks to be returned to this world for another chance.. But he won't be given another chance though... The time is now ..we are travelers in this world. Live in this world as a traveler or a stranger, because one day you will leave this earth.

Take advantage of your health for the time when you are sick with disease and cannot worship Allah.

Sick, Tired and Alone

2008-02-02T06:04:00.000-05:00

So now the baby is 3 weeks old and the husband is out of the country now visiting his mom for several weeks leaving me literally holding the babies! I tell you its a test of my patience and sanity. Originally he was going to leave right before I had the baby so this is a bit better as he stayed long enough for me to deliver.

I keep reminding myself that the help when he was here was minimal. The one thing he was good at was keeping the oldest 4 in check as they listened and obeyed him for the most part. So now they are fighting and crying and whining and disobeying 40 percent of the time. The other 40 percent they are at school or qur'an school then they are good 20% or sleep! My two youngest on the other hand are acting like twins the one year old and the 3 week old. One cries the other cries. They want to be changed the same time and fed the same time and they go ballistic at the same time. My ten year old actually came out of bed one night they were going so crazy and grabbed the baby while I dealt with the 1 year old.

Now I'm getting ill probably from exhaustion. And then my husband is calling giving me work to do for his business that he didn't do when he was here and wouldn't have done when he was here. Now of course its urgent - yeah right. So I didn't answer the phone when he called yesterday but my kids hear him on the answering machine and pick up! I told them off for that then turned the answering machine down so that won't happen again inshallah.

I keep reminding myself who has the greater right - the mother, the mother, the mother than the father. And where is he now - with the mother. Now if my children have children would I expect them to run off and be with me while the wife is still in the post-partum bleeding stage, inshallah I hope I'm not that insensitive but Allah knows best what will happen.

Update

2008-01-18T20:27:00.000-05:00

Salamu alaykum,

I had the baby and it was a boy and we called him Omar - It was a very hard delivery lasting 15 hours! I thought it was overly long for the 6th delivery and it was extremely painful. At times I was just hoping that death would be the end of me it was so bad. I played Qu'ran during the labor and read through my dua book "Purification of the Muslim through rememberance and supplication from the Qur'an and the Sunnah". Al hamdulilaah it helped and I kept making dua to ease the pain. And then towards the end all I could do was scream! After last year's shock with the epideral and the resulting panic attack I decided not to have an epideral this time and well there was no other pain relief on offer except something that makes you sleepy for a few minutes but does nothing to alleviate the pain. I told my husband during the labor NO MORE! The only problem is the birth control failures I keep enduring as this one was a result of oral contraceptives. I did miss a pill when my doctor refused to call in a refill! But my husband was out of town so I thought it wouldn't matter too much. NOT!

The baby was a week late and my mom came a few days before it was due and left 2 weeks later so she was primarily here before the baby was born but such is the life as you never know when they will come.

Al hamdulilaah Omar is a very good boy and not too demanding. For now he sleeps a lot which is a good thing when you have an 18 month old who wants all the attention and refuses to go to daddy even when mom is breastfeeding the baby.

There is no doula in the picture as right now there is no money for a doula which also means no money for another wife so such is the life of the believer. You wish for something and it impacts other parts of your life.

EID MUBARAK

2007-12-21T07:05:00.000-05:00

Takabal Allah Minna wa Minkum

Post Partum Doulas

2007-12-10T20:49:00.000-05:00

With baby number 6 on its way in a matter of weeks I've been reading up on ways to prevent Post-Partum Illness. I found some interesting advice on a blog that I am referencing here for anyone else who may also have a history of post-partum illness.
One thing I focused on out of her article was the need for help from someone who is supportive of you and not someone who will undermine you.

It should be someone who either has your same parenting style or has no preconceived parenting ideas or keeps her ideas completely to herself. You need support and validation, not someone undermining what you're doing.

You need someone who will let you do the parenting while you figure out your rhythm and routine, not someone who wants to jump in and "fix" things with the baby for you. You're the one who went through the long wait for a baby. You are the perfect mother for your child. No one else can do this better than you can.

You need someone who will take care of you while you take care of the baby. Someone who will do your laundry and wash your dishes, make sure you drink enough water, tell your partner he's doing a great job, and call the lactation consultant for you. Someone who will sympathize about hemorrhoids, and listen to you and not judge you when you whisper "I think I made a horrible mistake," and tell you that yes, the baby is clearly a genius because she recognizes your voice already.

You need someone that you can stand to be around for hours at a time during the most sensitive and confusing time of your life, when hormones are coursing through your body. Anyone who rubs you the wrong way after a few hours during normal times will make you want to stick a pencil through your eye during the first few weeks postpartum. (Which would be counterproductive anyway--you should stick a pencil through the other person's eye instead.) Stress is not going to help you take care of your baby, learn to nurse, or be able to catch some sleep, so don't invite people who stress you out into your house.

If this means that you can't let your MIL (or mother, or best friend) come stay with you for the first few weeks, decide that now and get your husband on board and get your story all ready. You can come up with any number of excuses about why they can't come stay (hint: when in doubt, blame your pediatrician), but don't let anyone guilt you into inviting stress and discord into your house.

Let me say this one more time:

You cannot allow someone to stay with you if they're going to stress you out.

The newborn period is the time for you not only to bond with your baby, but also to develop your confidence as a mother. If you don't have any support, or you have someone telling you you're doing things the wrong way, you're going to feel like a really shitty mother. If you start out feeling like a shitty mother (instead of just a slightly inadequate and unorganized mother, as most of us do), it's hard to climb out of that hole, especially if you still have no support or the wrong support.

If you don't have a person who can come help you for a few weeks who won't stress you out, consider hiring professional help. There are two kinds of professionals you can hire: baby nurses and postpartum doulas.

If given the choice, I'd choose a postpartum doula over a baby nurse for a lot of reasons. The main reason is the focus of care they give. A baby nurse is there to take care of the baby, not to take care of you. This means that you'll be fixing your own food and doing the laundry while she's holding the baby. She'll be bottle-feeding the baby pumped milk at night while you can't sleep because your breasts are so full. For some women a baby nurse is a big help, but I've heard too many stories of women whose confidence was undermined by bossy baby nurses (who aren't actually RNs or LPNs, even, just women with varying experience who sign up with an agency) who ignored the mother and took over the baby. You hire a baby nurse by the day (for a 12-hour or 24-hour shift, usually).

A postpartum doula, on the other hand, comes to take care of the family while the parents take care of the baby. Postpartum doula's typically cook big meals (including some to freeze), cleaning bathrooms and kitchens and floors, doing laundry, addressing birth announcements, helping with simple breastfeeding problems (like positioning problems) and helping you decide if it's serious enough to call the lactation consultant about or if you can wait for the breastfeeding support group in a few days, holding the baby while you nap or take a shower, playing with older children, fielding phone calls from family and friends, helping look up odd things in the baby book, dialing the pediatrician, and telling you you're doing a great job. A big thing she focuses on is helping you set up your routines, so you can be self-sufficient once she's gone.

A postpartum doula is likely to have gone through a certification process, which includes training in breastfeeding support, recognizing the signs of PPD (not just normal hormonal moodiness), understanding newborn behavior, and normal stages of emotions for the mother and her partner. You hire a post-partum doula for a set of hours (usually 15 to start), and she works those in 3-hour chunks (usually a 3-hour shift every other day, or as needed).

If you are interested in having a postpartum doula but can't afford one, call up your local La Leche League leader and explain the situation. She may know of a doula-in-training who needs to work at a discount while she's getting certified.

Whether you end up with your mother, a postpartum doula, a friend, or even your unmarried little brother (who can order in food for you, do the laundry), make sure you choose someone who's going to be kind to you and your husband while you learn your baby and your new lives. You can absolutely come back from a crappy first few weeks, but it'll be much easier to stay on an even keel if you're already feeling good about yourself and your skills by the time the 3-week growth spurt hits.

Allah is Sufficient

2007-11-28T18:17:00.000-05:00

There is a dua that one can say when one is truly relying on Allah

Husbanallah wa ni'mah wakeel. Allah is sufficient as a trustee over my affairs.

This is what Prophet Ibraheem said when he was thrown into the fire and what Prophet Muhammmad (peace be upon him) said when the people turned against him. For Ibraheem the outcome was that Allah made the fire peaceful and warm so it did not burn him. Allah is sufficient but we must trust that with Certainty (Yakeen). This is something that will fluctuate within a person along with their iman. How can we have yakeen when we despair and feel like we are alone and no one can help us? How can we have yakeen when we miss our obligatory prayers or pray with heedlessness not focusing on Allah and His Mercy? It is true that we all will fall into this heedlessness as we are all human and prone to make mistakes. The trick is to get back on the right track when and how we can and to remember that Allah is sufficient as a trustee over my affairs so when you feel alone trust in Allah and call on Allah to help you as he can.

We can plan something and someone else can plan something but if it doesn't fall within Allah's plan is not going to happen. So remember that Allah will not forsake us. Remember Sarah when she was left all alone in a strange land by her husband Prophet Ibraheem. Remember how she asked him did Allah tell you to do this and when he replied yes she was encouraged as she knew that Allah would not forsake her.

I had a roommate once who quit her job during the month of Ramadan as she felt it was interfering with her ibaadah and she wanted to memorize more Qur'an. I asked her how she was going to pay the rent as we split the rent and she said, "Husbanallah wa ni'mah wakeel". Funny thing was I was getting ready to get married too so I knew it wasn't going to be me. But al hamdulilaah she survived and Allah was sufficient and she didn't become homeless or whatever.

So we must have certainty (Yakeen) when we call on Allah that Allah will help us and we must not despair by saying I asked Allah again and again and Allah did not answer. We must be patient.

Islam: Death

2007-11-24T20:22:00.001-05:00

The Destroyer of Desires
Death
Won't You Too Reflect

Pregnancy Prompts Search for Another Wife

2007-11-20T18:02:00.000-05:00

I've noticed this phenomenon throughout the muslim community. One wife is pregnant and the husband commences his search for another wife. I have seen this time and time again.It seems a bit insensitive to me. It's like you're breeding my child and now is the time to get another fertile ground to plant my seed as you are busy. I've even seen where 2 co-wives are both pregnant at the same time and husband is busy looking for more fertile ground while his wives suffer through all the things that pregnant women have to go through such as Weight Gain, emotional instability, mood wings, irritability, and then they have complications in their pregnancy brought on by the additional stress of having to deal with a husband who is at best self-centered and at worst insensitive.

While there may never be an optimum time to look for a new wife - I would think that most woman would concur that during pregnancy is not the most optimum time because so many things can go wrong with the pregnancy brought on by stress. Then you have the issue of women needing extra love and attention during the pregnancy but instead of giving it to the pregnant spouse the husband goes in search of another new woman to give his love and attention. They never learn and really the bottom line is they just don't care and they don't think about the repurcussion of their actions. If they caused their wife to have a miscarriage or complications bought on by stress c'est la vie because it is their right.

So if the husband loses his job and both husband and wife are working should the wife exercise her right not to work and stay home at that particular time. It's her right to be taken care of so perhaps she too should be insensitive and uncaring and let them risk losing their home because her rights need to be met and it doesn't matter whether the timing is right or not.

Child Imam-Do YOU know Allah?

2007-11-18T02:02:00.001-05:00

As'salamu alaykum,

Now this is impressive - He's better than most kateebs in my area who give the jumah kutbah!

Death Versus Khula

2007-11-11T22:46:00.000-05:00

Well I posed a philosophical question to a muslim brother
about whether he would prefer his wife to get a khula (female instigated divorce)
or shoot him dead to get out of the marriage. And he stated he would prefer to
be shot dead because when his time comes it comes!

Now go figure that. I imagine he must be of the minority opinion as it seems a lot easier from a female perspective to just let the woman go. No one should be held hostage in their marriage. And the hadith about a woman not smelling the scent of jannah for asking for a khula with an invalid reason is quite a reminder. But Allah is merciful and whose to say what reason Allah considers invalid although the scholars have outlined the valid reasons for khula.

Good Advise on the Trials of Life

2007-11-10T01:17:00.001-05:00

Question and Answers Session
by Shaykh Salaah Muhammad Aal Shaykh حفظه الله
Delivered on January 20th, 2007

Question: This is question from a brother in London who says: A survivor of childhood sexual/physical abuse is having difficulty understanding why Allaah سبحانه و تعالى did not protect them from this. They think they are to be blamed and they say “Allaah سبحانه و تعالى protects those whom He Wills and Allaah chose not to protect them due to them not being worthy of protection.” Please advise.

Answer: Allaahu al-Musta’aan (الله المستعان – Allaah’s Help is sought), Alhamdulillaah. This is wrong thinking, we have to believe in what Allaah سبحانه و تعالى says in the Qur’aan,

إِنَّ اللّهَ لاَ يَظْلِمُ النَّاسَ شَيْئًا وَلَـكِنَّ النَّاسَ أَنفُسَهُمْ يَظْلِمُونَ
{Truly! Allâh wrongs not mankind in aught; but mankind wrong themselves.} [Yunus 10:44]

Allaah سبحانه و تعالى will not charge people (hold them to account) for things that they didn’t do. He will only charge (reckon) them for things that they themselves did or things that they said they did. But things that they have nothing to do with, and which were forced upon them, they are not to be blamed for them. Allaah سبحانه و تعالى is Merciful and He does not like oppression and He is not an oppressor. So you have to believe this and you also have to believe that this life is ibtilaa’ (ابتلاء – test, trial).

الَّذِي خَلَقَ الْمَوْتَ وَالْحَيَاةَ لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ أَيُّكُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا
{Who has created death and life, that He may test you which of you is best in deed…} [Al-Mulk 67:2]

And He سبحانه و تعالى said:

وَنَبْلُوكُم بِالشَّرِّ وَالْخَيْرِ فِتْنَةً
{…and We shall make a trial of you with evil and with good…} [al-Anbiyaa’ 21:35]

So don’t judge yourself based on what happens to you in this life, if you are poor that doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love you and if you are rich that doesn’t mean that God loves you. Allaah سبحانه و تعالى gives this dunyaa – this life, to people He loves and people He does not love; but He only gives the Aakhirah (Hereafter) to the people He loves. You should look at your deeds, your work, and your relation with God. If you are on the right path and you are a Believer and you know that you are doing the good deeds and not doing the bad deeds then God loves you, and you should be grateful. If you are in the other category you should be very fearful and you should not even say that “God does not love me” unless (in case) you die on this. As long as you are alive you don’t know whether God loves you or not so you should work to do good deeds. If you earn good deeds you should thank God and feel that you are really lucky that God loves you, and have hope that God will continue to love you and that you will die in that state. If you earn bad deeds you have to blame yourself for the bad deeds, and know that if you are going to die upon this, then you are not really loved by God and you deserve what you did.

Look at the Prophets عليهم السلام and the people who we know that He loved. Some of the Prophets were killed, and some of the good people were cut in half, and fire was ignited and all of the Mu’mineen (Believers) mentioned in (the narrative of) Ashaabul-ukhdood in Suratul-Burooj – when the whole village was put into the fire because the King wanted them to worship him, and all the people who believed in the God of the ghulaam (غلام – lad) who was a Believer, they were all put in the ‘hell’ that the King made for them.[22] Is it that God does not love those people? No, He loves them very much, but you don’t judge being loved or not loved by what happens to you. Allaah’s سبحانه و تعالى hadeeth is that sometimes God knows if this man becomes rich it will divert him from good deeds, so He does not give him money. He knows that given good health he will do bad things to other people so He does not give him good health.[23]

So what happened to you Alhamdulillaah, you have to know that you are not to blame. You should live your life and enjoy your life and always work hard in this life to get the good things in this life and primarily to have good deeds that will save you on the Day of Judgment. Wallaahu A’lam.

Life is a Trial?

2007-11-07T21:02:00.000-05:00

Salamu alaykum,

After reading my previous post about the polygyny murder saga I got a few comments stating that polygyny is not a trial and people only make it such by the way they handle it.

If marriage is a trial and having children are a trial then indeed polygyny is a trial as polygyny is a part of marriage and having children are also a result of polygyny. There are authentic hadith and ayats of the Qur'an where the prophet (salalahu walayhe wasalam) stated that your wives and your children are a trial for you. Also where it states that the greatest fitnah for men is women. And imagine of course with the case of polygyny when men are dealing with more than one woman it obviously results in more fitnah for them. They have to worry about and be concerned with being just to two or more sets of problems. PMS in one house, PMS in the next house, mood swings from one house, money issues in another.

My biggest thing used to be when I first married into polygyny was the division of everything. IF I wanted to do something was it fair to the other wife. Was it on her time, does that mean he had to do the same with her. If I wanted to visit my family then does she have the right to visit her family. If I need a car does she have to get one too, and what if he can only afford to buy 1 so then what. So all this adds to the fitnah and trials that woman must endure and be patient with, which would not be an impact in a monogamous marriage although they would have different trials, especially if the husband was married before, you might have to deal with the fitnah of the ex-wives who sometimes can be worse than dealing with a co-wife. I have a friend whose husband ex-non-muslim wife is a nightmare worse than anything I ever dealt with in polygyny with the vindictiveness and games, and ploys to get the husband back and make her feel inferior and jealous.

So marriage is a trial and when you add other people to the equation you will
inevitably have more to deal with. It doesn't matter if everyone gets along and is in agreement with polygyny and are polygyny lovers there is always something to come up in marriage that one has to be patient with. The two wives who get along so well - have to be patient when wife number 3 comes along when they are not ready for it.

So that's how I see it - and for those who are married in monogamy they can never be sure that their loving dear husband will not up and remarry behind their back. And they can never be sure what their reaction will be.

The Saga of Death Via Polygyny

2007-11-03T17:42:00.000-04:00

I stumbled upon a sister's blog http://wordstospeak.blogspot.com/
where she had an old post back in August which dealt with a brother in Philadelphia in a polygamous marriage who was murdered in his bed while sleeping. The initial reports were that it was a robbery according to the wife, but the police have since charged the first wife with murder based on the evidence.

The husband was planning on visiting his new wife in Morrocco the following day.
Unfortunately Allah had another plan for his life and it ended for him. May Allah forgive his sins and give him jannah. Ameen.

Now we have left a Muslim community facing a trial and polygyny and all of its aspects being exposed to the western world.

Here is a portion of what I've read online about the case:

On Sunday, August 5, 2007 Whitpain Police Detective Brad Potter and Montgomery County Detective Christopher Kuklentz interviewed Myra MORTON who told them the following:

1)She and her husband went to a movie and arrived home at about 1:00 AM on Sunday, August 5, 2007. At that time, her husband went out to the pool to check on a drainage problem while she went and spoke to her daughter, Amina.

2)When she went to her bedroom, her husband was already asleep in bed. She then went to bed and fell asleep.

3)She said she was lying on her side of the bed, between the quilt and the bottom fitted sheet. She said she had the quilt pulled up to her chest.

4) She was awakened from a sound sleep by a “bap-bap” which she said were gunshots. She immediately jumped out of bed and saw “a figure” going out the bedroom sliding door.

5)She “heard feet and running” and chased the figure out the door all the time screaming “somebody help me” and “somebody shot my husband”. She stepped on things as she chased the intruder outside.

6)Her husband was scheduled to go to Morocco on Sunday, August 5, 2007.

7) When asked about her husband’s trip to Morocco, Myra MORTON said the trip was for business. When asked if he had family there her response was “friends”. Not until detectives asked her if there was anything else she needed to add did she say that her husband has a second wife that lives in Morocco. She told detectives she approved of this second marriage in accordance with Muslim tradition.

8)She and her husband were partners in a real estate business and have approximately six million dollars in assets.

9) She and her daughter are beneficiaries of her husband’s Will.

11)When asked about the home alarm system, Myra MORTON said “We normally keep it secured. I was tired though and I went to bed.”

12) When asked about handguns in the home, she said her husband always locked the guns up because of the young child (her granddaughter) in the home. She added, however, that “once in a while he would slip up.” She said one of the handguns, “a small black one” is hers.

14) She did not specifically recall what items were strewn about the patio, nor did she report that anything was missing from the house.

POLICE REPORT CONCLUSIONS

Myra MORTON lied to the police when she said she was sleeping in bed next to her husband at the time he was shot. Her statement is directly refuted by the presence of blood spatter on her pillow and fitted sheet, as well as by a spent shell case at the base of her pillow.

No burglary occurred at the Morton residence. Again, Myra MORTON’s report that a burglar killed her husband is false. Detectives found no signs of forced entry, nor were there any signs of ransacking. It is the regular practice of the homeowners to set their security alarm. There was no alarm activation. Cash and other items of value were found in the master bedroom. An envelope containing $6000 cash and a valuable Glock handgun were just outside the residence. There would be no reason for a burglar to leave these items behind.

Myra MORTON’s description of events is thoroughly inconsistent with the physical evidence found at the scene. The victim’s Glock handgun was most likely stored in the back of a metal filing cabinet where the three loaded Glock magazines were found. According to Myra MORTON’s version of events, an intruder who somehow located this hidden gun would have walked to her side of the bed, unholstered the gun, left the holster on her dresser, walked to the victim’s side of the bed and shot him, but not her, in his sleep. Because Myra MORTON claimed that she immediately woke and chased the intruder out of the house, he would, necessarily, have already been holding all the items that were allegedly discarded along the path of his flight.

Myra MORTON lied to the police when she reported that she was screaming “somebody help me” as she chased the intruder from her bedroom. Robert and Elizabeth Ervin, the Morton’s neighbors, heard the gunshots but did not hear any voices for 3-4 minutes. Instead of corroborating Myra MORTON’s account of her loud pursuit of the intruder, the Ervins’ statements bolster detectives’ conclusion that Myra MORTON used those quiet 3-4 minutes to throw the gun and money envelope into the backyard and scatter the jewelry items and clothing onto the patio. Apparent blood smears on the brand new women’s outfit found on the patio would have been deposited after the shooting.

In addition to the inherent implausibility of Myra MORTON’s story, the fact that K-9 Eraz detected absolutely no human scent at the patio’s edge is proof there was no intruder. Eraz showed “no interest” in the area described by Myra MORTON despite tracking conditions being “excellent”.

During her interview, Myra MORTON did not initially admit that her husband had a second wife. Thereafter, she told police she readily agreed to the marriage, dutifully following her Muslim faith. To the contrary, Myra MORTON told friends that she did not approve of her husband’s second marriage and did so only after protest. As further evidence of her disapproval of her husband’s second marriage, Myra MORTON contacted the U.S. Department of State to report her husband’s illegal polygamy and his attempts to import his Morrocan wife to the United States by fraud. Myra MORTON went so far as to allege her husband’s Moroccan wife had ties to terrorist organizations.

Myra MORTON knew that her husband was flying to Morocco on August 5, 2007. Although she told police that this was a business trip, she confided in a friend that her husband was going there to meet his Moroccan wife and have a baby. What Myra MORTON told her friend, but failed to tell police, is that the victim’s Moroccan wife would be ovulating at the time.

Based upon the foregoing, we request an Arrest Warrant be issued charging Myra MORTON, black female, DOB: 12/5/1959, of 291 W. Mount Pleasant Avenue, Ambler, PA with violation of Pennsylvania Crimes Code Section 2502 (a) & (c), First and Third Degree Murder and the lesser included violations of the Pennsylvania Crimes Code enumerated in the attached Criminal Complaint.

For anyone interested in reading the full police report they can go to
http://www.montcopa.org/da/pressreleases/Morton.htm

The bottom line is that someone is dead and another Muslim sister is in jail with a daughter mourning the loss of her father and now the loss of a mother in jail. Only Allah knows what truly happened on that night and while it doesn't look good for the sister the doors of repentance are not closed so if she did this, she still has the opportunity to repent. Allah will judge in the end.

It makes me sad though when I think about this case and how it could have turned out differently. In this case, money wasn't the issue really as they received 8 million in a medical malpractice lawsuit for the misdiagnose of their teenage daughter who died as a result. So now with the new money source the husband was able to afford a new wife and he was using the money to get his needs met.

The wife though according to reports was feeling neglected and abandoned according to interviews with the husband's mother, brother, and her friends. He didn't appear to care for her as much now with the new wife as she was 47 years old and the second wife was in her 30's so it is natural to feel threatened. And we know how men can be with the new wife in the honeymoon stage all lovey dovey and that can drive us all insane but murder. I can't imagine that. To think that I'd rather see my husband dead rather than with a new wife and then face Allah with that on my account. Divorce would obviously be the better option and with her being a millionaire, remarriage shouldn't be a major problem.

The bottom line is that this didn't have to happen and shouldn't have to happen but it is indeed a trial for the believer. Polygyny is a trial and one can make the best of it and trust in Allah that Allah won't burden us with more than what we can bear or we can remove ourselves with it if it becomes a life and death issue. No person is worth going to the hellfire for. Our love of no one should cause us to commit haram against mankind and if it does we should remove ourselves from that person as to love someone more than we love Allah is not healthy and can cause us to commit shirk which is the only thing Allah doesn't forgive.

May Allah guide us all to better conduct and help us to be more supportive to our sisters and brothers in polygyny instead of judgemental and realize that pain is real and sometimes it has real deadly repurcussions.

Life Update

2007-11-02T17:17:00.000-04:00

Salamu alaykum All,

Life is okay al hamdulilaah my health is slowly improving and I'm winding down to the birth of the baby in another 7 weeks inshallah. I can't wait and am happy I haven't gained too much weight this time as I was already overweight when I started. My dad attributes my health problems (chronic bronchitis) to my weight and was surprised to hear I was pregnant. We just broke the news this week as they are never happy to hear 'another baby!'

I am very tired these days and can't imagine how I will cope with a new baby undertow - although I now have the 15 month old sleeping in her crib for the most part. There is no room for another crib in the house really so I'm planning to get a bassinet for the baby and maybe transition my toddler to a bed after a while, although she is still very needy.

She still wants breast milk although my supply has dried up with the pregnancy and she was using me as a pacifier but that has ended as it was quite painful for some reason.

Sisterhood is Dead

2007-10-14T18:42:00.000-04:00

Well as I mentioned previously sisterhood is dead in my neck of the USA. For real though and I am partly to blame as I also have not done my part to vitalize the sisterhood in these neck of the woods. In fact although I stopped working back in May 2006 I am more likely to get a chat or a call from some old non-muslim co-worker than I am a muslim sister and such is the life of this world. They would actually care how I am doing and how the new baby is doing and such whereas muslims are just too busy or too caught up in their own reality to really care.

I call and email sisters and after so many non-responses or non-reciprocation I just give up afterall I have 5 kids and one on the way so my time is limited too. I am more likely to get a response to a blog entry than anything else which is why I continue blogging on even though my husband probably would prefer I didn't.

I have a friend in London who was sorely disappointed this Eid when she said none of her friends called or came by but me and my mother-in-law and she teaches Arabic too a bunch of sisters and knows sisters who might normally call but nothing this year. She said she ended up calling them. Then she said that iftars were out this year and she wasn't invited to any and was too ill to prepare food for others.

Life is a test and I say al hamdulilaah I didn't take my shahadah in an environment like this as I would have found it hard to sustain my islam as my kufar friends would have overtaken me and I would have hung out with them. Allah blessed me when I took my shahadah to meet new muslims who took their shahadah at the same time as me and we became good friends, and the community I was in were very welcoming and involved me in tons of volunteer activities because of my journalism skills so there was always something to do, someone to talk to, and somewhere to go. Whereas now there is absolutely nothing I just reminisce on what used to be and hope for a quick end.

Sick and Shut In for Eid

2007-10-12T09:05:00.000-04:00

These are the days of Eid but mashallah I've been very ill down with pneumonia.
I've been doing my best this Ramadan to increase my ebadaah but when you are ill it makes it very hard, which brings to mind the hadith of the prophet (salalahu walayhe wasalam). Take advantage of your health before you become ill, and take advantage of your youth before you become old. That's just a paraphrase, but it really rang true this Ramadan.

Inshallah everyone is having a nice Eid and benefitted from this blessed month.

Taqaballah Minha Wa Minkum

2007-10-12T08:47:00.001-04:00

Rulings on Eid
The khutbah after salaatul ‘Eid is a sunnah and so is listening to it. It is not compulsory as with the case of Friday prayer. It is permissible to go back home without attending the sermon of the ‘Eid. The sunnah of the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam is to deliver the khutbah after the salaatul ‘Eid. [Al-Mughnee: vol. 2, p. 246.]

Abu Sa’eed says: “On the ‘Eid of breaking the fast and of the sacrifice, the Prophet would go to the musalla (prayer place) and begin with the salah and when he finished, he would face the people while the people were sitting in rows, and he would admonish them, advise them, and exhort them [to do good deeds]. And if he wished to send off an army or order something, he would do so and then leave.” [This is related by Sahih al-Bukhari: vol. 2, pp. 40-1, no. 76 and Sahih Muslim: vol. 2, p. 418, no.1931].

‘Abdullah ibn as-Sa’ib said: “I prayed the ‘Eid salaah with the Messenger of Allâh sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam and when he finished the salaah he said: ‘We will be delivering a khutbah. Whoever wishes to stay for the khutbah may stay. Whoever would like to leave, may leave.’ “ [This is related by Abu Dawud: (Eng.) vol. 1, p. 298, no. 1151, Saheeh Sunan Aboo Daawood: vol. 1, p. 214, no. 1024.]

Ibn al-Qayyim writes: “The Prophet would begin all of his khutbahs with the praise of Allâh and there is no hadeeth from him that states that he began his ‘Eid khutbahs with takbeer. Ibn Majah recorded in his Sunan from Sa’eed, the mu’ath-thin of the Prophet (!), that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam would say the takeeir during his khutbahs and even more so during the ‘Eid khutbahs. Still, this does not prove that he began his khutbah with it! The people differ over the beginning of the ‘Eid and the khutbah for salaatul istisqaa’ (prayer for rain). Some say that they are to begin with takbeer. Some say that the khutbah for salaatul istisqaa’ begins with praying for forgiveness while others say it begins with praises of Allâh.” Shaikh al-Islaam Ibn Taimiyyah says: “That is correct as the Prophet said: ‘Every affair that does not begin with the praise of Allâh is deficient.’ The Prophet began all of his speeches with praises of Allâh. Concerning the statement of many jurists, i.e.. he began the ‘prayer for rain’ by asking forgiveness from Allâh and the id speech with takbir, there is absolutely no proof for it in the Prophet’s sunnah. In fact the sunnah contradicts that statement as he began all of his speeches with the praises of Allâh.” [Zaadul Ma’aad: vol. 1, pp. 447-8]

Congratulating one another on the days of ‘Eid
People may exchange congratulations and good greetings on Eid, no matter what form the words take. For example they may say to one another, “Taqabbal Allâhu minnaa wa minkum (May Allâh accept [the fast and worship] from us and from you” or “Eid mubarak” and other similar permissible greetings. [Al-Mughnee: by ibn Qudaamah: vol. 2, p. 259]

Jubayr ibn Nufayr said: “At the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allâh be upon him), when people met one another on the day of Eid, they would say, ‘Taqabbal Allâhu minnaa wa minka (May Allâh accept from us and from you).’” (Ibn Hajar. Its isnaad is hasan. Fathul Baaree: vol.2, p. 446).

The practice of exchanging greetings was well-known at the time of the Sahaabah and scholars such as Imaam Ahmad and others allowed it. There are reports which indicate that it is permissible to congratulate people on special occasions. The Sahaabah used to congratulate one another when something good happened, such as when Allâh accepted a person’s repentance and so on. There is no doubt that congratulating others in this way is one of the noblest kinds of good manners and one of the highest social qualities among Muslims.

At the very least, one can return Eid greetings when they are given to you, and remain silent if nothing is said, as Imaam Ahmad (may Allâh have mercy on him) said: “If someone congratulates me, I return the greeting, but I do not initiate it.”

Whoever misses salaatul ‘Eid with the congregation may pray two rak’at

In Sahih al-Bukhari we find in the chapter entitled: “Whoever missed the ‘Eid prayer should pray two Raka’ah, and similarly the women and those who are at home and in the villages should do so, as is confirmed by the statement of the Prophet (!): “O Muslims, this our ‘Eid”. Anas ibn Maalik at Az-Zaawiyah ordered his slave ibn Abee Ghaneeyah to collect his (Anas’s) family and off-spring. Anas led prayer similar to that offered by townspeople and recited takbeer similar to theirs. ‘Ekrimah said: “The villagers should gather on the day of ‘Eid and offer two raka’ah as the Imaam does.” ‘Ataa said, “Whoever misses the ‘Eid prayer should pray two raka’ah.” [Sahih Al-Buukhari: vol. 2, p. 55, chapter. 25].

Sudais-Taraweeh Dua w/English Part 3

2007-10-01T21:00:00.001-04:00

This is the final part of the dua - May Allah have mercy on us all this Ramadan and guide us to all that is good. Ameen.

Sudais-Taraweeh Dua w/English Part 2

2007-10-01T20:51:00.001-04:00

Here is part 2 of the dua in taraweeh prayer with the english translation written on the screen. A real heart softener mashallah - all the duas of the distress, all the duas I've read in my Fortification of the prayer book al hamdulilaah. Finally to understand - O may Allah make me one to accept this glorious Qur'an and implement in my life.

Sudais-Taraweeh Dua w/English Part 1

2007-10-01T20:41:00.001-04:00

I found one with the translation in English mashallah. Allahu Akbar!

Dua After Taraweeh Prayer By Shaykh Sudais[1st Ramadan 2007]

2007-10-01T20:36:00.001-04:00

I wish that I could translate this into English and really understand these dua.

We Need A Ramadan

2007-09-23T06:41:00.000-04:00

Al hamdulilaah Ramadan is Here

Allahu Akbar

I heard a great talk by Abu Awais entitled "We Need a Ramadan". I've highlighted some of the key points below al hamdulilaah.

We need a Ramadan to rectify ourselves and our condition. All of us should be working for the pleasure of Allah to correct our behavior. If we find there is jealousy and vengeance in our hearts we need a Ramadan to correct our behavior. Our condition won't change, we'll continue to complain, we'll be forever in pain. We need a Ramadan, you and I.

Why can't we forgive? Why can't we let things go? Why can't we forget?
This blessed month in which you can go in the most despicable devil and come out an angel. You can be a hard hearted brother and come out soft hearted.

We're slow, we're lazy and we have no incentive toward deen and akhirah our incentive is toward dunya! If the beauty of Islam is explained, Islam is a miracle of the miracles, when it is presented to the people in the right way, they enter Islam in the multitudes.

If there is any fear of Allah left in the hearts - We need a Ramadan a month of Taubah, to correct our behavior. Fear the dua of the one who has been done an injustice. That dua is immediately accepted. Many of us are wandering why things aren't going right. We may be living under the invocation of someone that we used, or abused, or stepped over.

Our hope is low, our desire is low. We're supposed to have high goals for our children. We need to plan for jannah. We need to prepare for jannah. But until we brush off the dust, the foolishness of youth, the bad characteristics that we have, change our condition, change our condition. We need a Ramadan, we need Qiyam at night, we need dua in sujood, we need recitation of Qur'an, we need to sit together and talk together only about deen. We need to wake up! Wake up O sleepy one, your slumber has been too long. How long are we going to stay sleep? How long are we going to have problems? Let this Ramadan be one that you'll come out of it striving, devoted, running!

This Ramadan may be our final Ramadan. What is the guarantee that this is not our final Ramadan? We must come out of it, much better than we came in it. We must come out of it with Taqwa (fear of Allah). If we had taqwa our relationships would be better. We need to control our desires, we need to learn control, we need to control our anger. We have to change our connection with Allah.

Check out this link and listen for yourself inshallah
http://www.masjidtawheedchicago.org/lectures.php?speakerid=4&pageid=192848

It's a Thin Line Between Love and Hate

2007-09-08T22:37:00.000-04:00

The lyrics of this song speak volumes in the saga of married life. There is a
thin line between love and hate.

Its a thin line between love and hate

The sweetest woman in the world
Could be the meanest woman in the world
If you make her that way
You keep hurting her
Shell keep being quiet
She might be holding something inside
Thatll really, really hurt you one day

I see him in the hospital
Bandaged from foot to head
In a state of shock
Just that much from being dead
You couldnt believe the girl
Would do something like this, ha
You didnt think the girl had the nerve
But here you are
I guess action speaks louder than words

Polygyny Gone Good??

2007-09-01T21:17:00.001-04:00

Such a nice title but not the reality in this world really. Climbing out of the dark is more likely. Some sisters have
done well with managing tough situations, others have ignored the pain and reality of it, others are striving to make the best of a rough situation.

Polygyny gone good amounts to what really

The man is happy, the wives are happy, and the children are happy! Is this what life is all about. I've heard of this happening and then the man gets a third wife and everything is ruined. It's like too much happiness and then the trial comes. And then one has to worry about the evil eye when talking about one's happiness as envy is real and people will want what you have if indeed it is happiness.

People can only be what they are and to expect more is too expect too much. If you married a brother who loves women and this was known to you before the wedding then you will taste the trials of life especially if he has the means to get more.

And then there are some brothers who may not even be thinking of polygyny but they live in a community with a lot of single sisters who are not afraid to let their needs be known.

The solutions are not many these days, divorce, stay married, settle, try to make it work, enjoy what benefit you can, emotionally destabilize yourself, put your heart into something else that does bring you joy, worship your Lord and Sustainer and continue your worship until you die in that state.

That last one seems the best solutions if it were only possible. The stress sometimes can make one wish for death although islamically one shouldn't unless you state if life is better for me then let me live, if death is better for me then let me die.

Only Allah knows what is better but if I could and knew that death meant jannah for sure then these trials would be meaningless just a reason for me to increase in my ibaddaah. I must say that polygyny is a reminder that nothing should be taken for granted. We must work for jannah and that may mean sucking it up and sticking it out feesibililaah when our hearts are crying out for relief.

Women Who Stay

2007-08-31T16:29:00.000-04:00

Life is a Journey and Love Makes the Trip Worthwhile

What's Love Got to Do With This?

Who Needs a heart when a Heart can be Broken?

There's a thin line between love and hate.

So these thoughts run through the mind of a woman going through the every day stresses of married life. Her husband may be polygymous or thinking about polygyny and she is at a cross roads in her life. She knows it is halal but the timing is not right. Maybe the finances aren't in order, maybe dividing what little they have with another family feels like oppression. Maybe she feels he is just looking out for self,numero uno and no one else's feelings matter in this situation.

So what does love have to do with this type of relationship? Does it mean she must suffer in silence or does it means she demands her rights? Does she cry herself to sleep at night knowing that the inevitable will happen and indeed he will do what is right for him and forget about the impact on others 'because it is his right'. A sister wrote on her blog - who benefitted from polygyny but her husband and how many suffered. One would think the other wife benefitted somewhat however stormy the relationship. And maybe the husband was saved from the sin of fornication and the punishment of stoning which is the haram alternative.

Don't we want our husband's to be saved from the punishment of zina if they do have these urges for other women. Of course we don't want them leaning to far to one side so they are not just in their actions. This happens time and time again.

What about the husband who searches for a wife in an unislamic manner having secret phone conversation and staying up late while the wife sleeps unknowing that her husband is conversing, talking, emailing, texting, and in some cases dating other Muslim or even Non-muslim women. All in an effort to get a second or third wife. Thinking they have the right to commit haram while doing it and the wife should look the other way.

What are the answers and what are the solutions for the women who are coping and finding no solutions? Of course, they must know and remember to call on Allah their Lord and Sustainer as Allah answers the dua of the believer if they are patient and don't despair. Women must realize that Allah doesn't put a burden on us greater than we have the strength to bear. Ask Allah the Lord of all the worlds to guide the muslim men to what is right and just and if they take another wife make it something that will benefit their account on the day of judgement. Don't make it a situation where they commit more sins and oppression by denying women their rights to maintenance, time, attention, children, kindness, etc. Make it a situation where Allah will be pleased with you. This is what I wish for all the muslim men who undertake this journey into polygyny. It is a hardship for the wife and men should do it with kindness. Allah loves gentleness and mercy and Allah is the Most Merciful. Perhaps if the muslim men showed a little mercy in their dealings with their wives this polygyny thing would be a little easier to swallow.

The Destruction of a Marriage

2007-08-24T17:27:00.000-04:00

The Ruling on Marriage sites that allow the exchange of personal information and the likes

Question : There are many matrimonial websites that allow men and women to have live and private chats. They can exchange email, addresses, phone numbers and even pictures. Many of the women even describe their bodies. There are muslim men who use the excuse that they are entitled to more than one wife, and they use a lot of their spare time on these sites and as a result, they break up their households. Among those are those who lose interest in their present wives. Some will also get angry when their wives find out what they are doing , then threaten them with divorce and they even physically abuse them.Please advise us in this matter, May Allah bless you.

Answer : I say that this is a great calamity. Indeed this is a wicked act. It is an evil that comes from this technology ( the internet ) . What is mentioned in this question is not permissable for the men to be looking at these websites and the likes of this. As for a person who says that he is using these sites so he can get married, if he wants to get married, indeed the Prophet sallallahu alayhe was salaam has guided us on how a person should go and choose a wife. That he should look at her and find what encourages him to marry her in a legislated way. Not following his desires. No doubt that the way the people use the internet to look at women like this , it is something that is not permissable. This way is haraam. It is made unlawful by the legislation, so therefore stay away from it.

What is a permissable way for a man to look at a woman is supported by the text. For example he should look at her hands and her face.if she agrees to that. And also he may look at her while she's walking without her knowing that he's looking at her. Perhaps if she's walking on the street, and hes standing in one spot, he may look at her and the likes of this. But as for the people looking at these websites on the internet , then it is not only impermissable but it brings a lot of evil impact. Because it is not just the look, it may lead to conversation , because the questioner states that they may exchange emails and phone numbers and they may start talking. And this may lead them to speech that is not right for them wa' authoobila they may fall into adultery and fornication. This is just from their speech, but what about those who exchange pictures and addresses through the internet. This is a great calamity and affliction. A person should stay away from it, because it
can lead the one who sees these pictures of the women , it will make him dislike his wife and have desires to be with those women on the internet . Allah subhana wa ta'alaa has ordered the believers to lower their gazes. Allah says :
" Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allâh is All-Aware of what they do. "[An-Nur 24:30]

The point in preference here is that this act is not permissable. It is incumbent upon the muslim to fear his lord and he should not look at what is impermissable for him to look at. The Prophet sallallahu alayhe was salaam was asked about the second look. If a person didn't have any desire to look, the Prophet sallallahu alayhe was salaam said " If this happened then you need to turn your eyes from that." So for example if a woman comes out and some parts of her are exposed ( accidentally ) and a person didnt desire to look, but he looked the first time, then the first is ok, but the second will be counted against him.

So if this is the case, what about those who sit in front of the internet and chat with these women who it's not permissable to talk to? Sending pictures and exchanging pictures, what will they say to Allah subhana wa ta'alaa on yawm al qiyamah? Again this is not permissable. It is an unlawful act. It is wicked and horrendous and a despicable act that destroys households. It seperates the spouses. And this is enough that this evil here destroys the households, that it is sufficient for it to be labeled as an evil and despicable act. So it is incumbent on every muslim who is listening, or to whom this message reaches. to fear Allah subhana wa ta'alaa, and to stay away from those websites and chatrooms because this isn't permissable.

Q & A Sheykh Muhammad ibn Hadee al Madkhaalee -hafidthuallah
November 26, 2006
Translated by Abu Muhammad al Maghrebee
Telelink - Masjid Rahmah

How to Lose the Last Few Pounds of Abdominal Fat

2007-07-11T19:17:00.000-04:00

By Tom Venuto

Developing a lean, flat stomach takes time and patience, especially when it comes to those last few pounds in those hard to lose places. The lower abdominal fat and "love handles" can be two of the most stubborn and exercise-resistant areas from which to lose abdominal fat. Some people slave away day in and day out on the latest new-fangled abdominal fat device or do countless sit ups, side bends, and leg raises every day, all to no avail. There is only one way to lose fat in the so-called "stubborn areas," and that is with the correct combination of proper diet, aerobic exercise, abdominal training, and weight training.

The first thing you need to realize is that it is impossible to "spot reduce" fat from one specific part of the body. Fat loss occurs systemically, meaning that you can’t control where the fat comes from. When you burn fat for energy, you will draw it from all areas of the body, and the first place you tend to put it on will be the last place it comes off. The reason everyone has those "stubborn" spots is because each of us is born with a genetic pattern of fat storage, just as we inherit hair color, eye color, and other physical traits. In women, the stubborn areas tend to be hips, thighs, and the waist. In men, the troublesome areas are usually the lower abs and the "love handles."

THINK BEFORE YOU DIET!

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Many people labor away month after month trying to exercise specific areas of their body with the idea that fat will be burned directly off the area they are working. Training the abdominals every day with hundreds of repetitions will certainly tighten and tone the muscles, but it will do almost nothing to remove the fat obscuring the muscles. In fact, it is possible to have a great set of abs that you can’t even see because they are covered up with a layer of fat!

Contrary to popular belief, the best way to burn the layer of flab from your midsection is not to do more abdominal exercise, but to do more cardiovascular exercise. Aerobic exercise is the real secret to burning fat. Walking, jogging, bicycling, elliptical exercise and stairclimbing are all great fat burners. Most people give up too early in the workout. During the first 10 minutes of aerobic activity, glycogen (stored carbohydrates) is the primary fuel source. If you stop after 20 minutes, you’re only getting half of your workout done! You get the cardiovascular health benefits, but you don’t get much fat loss. Because you don't burn significant amounts of fat until glycogen stores are depleted, the key to maximum fat loss is to work out aerobically for 30-60 minutes continuously per session. Don't worry though every workout should be easy, like strolling around the shopping malls for an hour can be beneficial, although it would be best if you try not to stop moving!

Even if you’re doing cardio every day, without a good diet, you still won’t see results. Abdominal fat loss is a 50% exercise, 50% nutrition combination. A fat loss diet must be low in calories. Regardless of how much you workout, if the number of calories you take in is greater than the amount you burn, you’ll still put on abdominal fat. Ideally, you should spread your calories out into five small meals a day instead of 2 or 3 big ones so that you don’t overeat in one feeding. Eat a variety of foods that are all natural, low in fat and low in sugar, with about 55% of the calories coming from carbohydrates, 30% from protein, and 15% from fat. If you’re having a really difficult time losing the last few pounds, keep the protein up and decrease your carbohydrate intake, especially late in the day and at night.

Next to "spot reduction," the second most common myth about abdominal training is that sit ups and leg raises are the most effective exercises. Actually, these movements don’t even isolate the abs; they recruit the hip flexor muscles, which are the same muscles used to punt a football. The hip flexors attach the thigh to the spinal column, so working them with exercises such as straight leg raises creates a strong pull on the lumbar area, which is one of the most common causes of lower back pain. Safer, more effective alternatives are crunches, crunch machines (or ab rollers), hip lifts, and reverse crunches.

The final component of your abdominal fat-reducing program is resistance training. It is important to train the entire body. Working one muscle group to the exclusion of others is a common cause of muscular imbalance. Building strong abdominals without also developing the antagonistic spinal erectors of the lower back could easily lead to injury. Many people are under the impression that they should only do cardiovascular activities until the weight comes off, then add weight training later on. It’s true that weight training is an anaerobic exercise, so it burns more glycogen than body fat. However, working out with weights will increase your lean body mass, which in turn raises your resting metabolic rate. The faster your metabolism is, the more fat you will burn! A complete program should always include aerobic exercise and weight training for every muscle group.

Before you decide to resort to drastic measures, give these guidelines an honest try. Losing abdominal fat is not easy, but it is simple if you know the formula. To recap, the formula for losing the last few pounds of abdominal fat is as follows: (1) Losing fat takes time, so get started now! Be patient and don’t expect to get "ultra lean" overnight (2) Burn the fat off the abdominal muscles with lots of cardiovascular exercise or you won’t be able to see them. (3) Choose biomechanically correct exercises to train the abdominal area, including crunching type exercises and avoiding hip flexor exercises, (4) Eat natural, low fat, low sugar, low calorie foods in small servings throughout the day, and (5) Work out with weights; don’t just train your abdominal, train your entire body.

There's no need to spend hours in a gym to train your entire body Tom shows how you can save time by performing the correct and most effective exercise plan for your individual body type!

http://www.weightlossforall.com/abdominal%20fat.htm

Life

2007-07-09T12:50:00.000-04:00

Life is all right.
My mom is in town visiting me after I was just there
visiting here a week ago. There was a family reunion down south over the weekend and so everyone was down here. I went to one of the pre-family reunion activities, a housewarming party. My aunt is moving down south from Connecticut so she had a nice cookout and we came and saw most of the relatives that would be down for the reunion.

My mom just took the kids out to the park then the store. She believes in keeping them busy as there most common refrain is nothing to do... nothing to do... And this is with their own computer, playstation, a big backyard with a creek, toys, Qur'an, a masjid across the street, and more. But such is the life of today's youth ungrateful and undeserving. They like to fight, no actually, they love to fight one another. I'm going to have a full house at the end of the month which should make for interesting battles. My stepchildren from London will be coming to visit for a month which should be fun as we will try and do fun thing with them since they don't come often. I'm sure hubby will not just want to sit at home playing

Home Again Home Again Diggedy Dig

2007-07-03T18:10:00.000-04:00

Well I'm back in this place called home. Hubby was happy to see me al hamdulilaah and made a nice spread of food for me awaiting my arrival so that was nice mashallah. He bought all this fruit and treats and arranged it nicely on the table. He had chocolate chilling in the fridge and a coke in the car when I got off the plane knowing how much I like coca cola although I don't need it.

I had a good time and hated to leave. My mom believes in going places and doing things so she's always taking my kids somewhere to keep them busy and entertained. They went to the park, zoo, animal farm, smithsonium museums, carnival, shopping, nature walks amongst other stuff. I went to a cookout and that was fun in D.C. at a muslim sister's house al hamdulilaah.

There wasn't really enough time to do what I wanted to do and see who I wanted to see. After a few days my husband was ready for me to return home as he was beginning to realize all the things I do that he used to take for granted!

Verily After Every Difficulty Relief

2007-06-13T19:23:00.000-04:00

Salamu alaykum,

Today has been a pretty good day al hamdulilaah. Hubby came back into town and is taking over the reigns of the business so my workload will be decreasing inshallah. This thrills me to no end.

I took the kids shoe shopping today. They all got a pair of sandals on sale at this new shoe store that just opened up called Foot Quarters. The service was good and the sales woman was somehow able to direct my daughter to a cheaper pair of shoes on sale after she picked out a pair costing more than the other 3 kids put together. I was quite amazed at her doing that as it decreased her commission but it was good on her part. Also when she told my son they didn't have any Heelies (skate shoes) I was like great!

Oh I know the disappointment on his face but nevertheless. I was shopping for practical shoes not playground shoes.

It's time to start packing. My 10 year old packed her suitcase but I dread to look and see what she packed. So I know I will have to check it out and repack before she leaves tomorrow for grandma's house.

We leave for my parents on Friday al hamdulilaah.

Things are looking good.

Homeward Bound inshallah

2007-06-12T18:34:00.000-04:00

Salamu alaykum,

Homeword bound once again after having to change my ticket 3 times with delay after delay finally I will be going home to see my parents. Allahu Akbar. I made salatul istikarah this time and the date is yamul jumah so inshallah if there are no more obstacles I will be free of these southern dixies!

I haven't started packing yet. My husband is due back in town tonight inshallah and he's on the plane so inshallah he will land safely with no more crises to attend to. They had the janazah last friday June 1st al hamdulilaah and finally some closure has come.

My oldest daughter will be going to spend the summer with her dad's mom and her aunt so that will be good for her inshallah to visit with the other side of the family.

Stress and Anxiety

2007-06-10T22:23:00.000-04:00

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I feel alone in the wilderness surrounded by a house full of kids!

I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems like my whole function in life is to just take care of the kids, my husband's business, and then be under appreciated and feel like nothing of consequence. Something worth throwing out with the dirty dish water. I guess with the recent death in the family and now my husband feeling like he has nothing worth living for anymore has gotten me down.

So finally it seems like I will be able to go and visit my family although I will have to take more kids than originally planned this is the life that I have.

Meanwhile he's running around giving dawa to all his sister's friends driving me insane . I'm very bitter and in a complaining mood so I will close.

Pregnant and Fat

2007-06-10T22:10:00.000-04:00

I made dua to Allah today that I don't gain any excess weight with
this pregnancy.

Primarily because my baby is only 10 months old I'm newly pregnant and haven't lost any of the weight I gained from the last pregnancy! It is well and truly disatrous and the thought of the swelling and weight gain that I had the last time is enough to put me off. I don't know what to do. I've been exercising and trying to take 45 minutes walks several times a week although I know I need to be doing more. I've cut back on the sweets and am indulging in fruit instead al hamdulilaah and lots of protein. I've been craving lots of red meat this pregnancy and love steak so that is a weakness but I just eat it with onions and tomatoes so I am cutting back on carbs. My diet is wack and its distressing because I never had a weight problem until 5 years ago after baby number 3. I used to have a high metabolism but the muslim life style of no clubbing, dancing and going out has taken it's toll. That and just this sedentary life style. I used to be able to eat anything so this diet modification is driving me crazy.

I was actually considering getting my stomach banded the other day although it wouldn't work well being pregnant and it is expensive. I made a sincere dua to Allah as I know with Allah's help I can make it.

Life's Index Cards

2007-05-28T22:53:00.000-04:00

by Zahra Duran

Subhanallah I received this in an email about 8 years ago and I saved it for the way it touched my soul and made me reflect on my own account before Allah. Inshallah it will be of benefit to you and be a reminder to you that will benefit me when my deeds are laid open.
******************************************************************
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in a room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index cards files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "People I Have Liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiousity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some bought joy and sweet memories others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A filed named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I have Read", "Lies I Have Told", "Comfort I Have Given", "Jokes I Have Laughed At." Some were hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've Yelled at My Brothers". Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents". I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards then I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 30 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I have Listened To", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts", I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.

The title bore "People that I Have Taught About Allah." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room.

I must lock it up and hide the key.

************
All that is on earth will perish

But will abide (forever)
the Face Of thy Lord, full of Majesty, Bounty,and Honor.
Then which of the favors of your Lord will you deny

Life in the small country

2007-05-28T17:47:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading one of the blogs on the perfect Muslim community in America. I have to agree with the writer who mentioned the Washington DC metropolitan area including Northern Virginia and Maryland.

I miss that area so much stuck here in the dirty Christian south with bible bangers and now low and behold this Vietnamise Buddhist family have built a buddha statue sanctuary on my block. I've taken to walking and on my most recent walk my neighbors had an 18 wheeler truck in their front lawn unloading 30 plus Buddha statues and posting these things strategically in their front lawn. They have one big buddha over 20 feet tall surrounded by other Buhhas supplicating to them, which is major shirk. The whole lot of them. I wonder did they get a permit to do this in their front lawn. They have a couple of acres of land in front of their house and it appears as if must be a Buddha holiday or something as they have tents set up around the house and tons of other Buddhist and Monks walking around to each statue doing their own thing.

Anyway, I've never seen anything like this before in my life and I just made dua for Allah to guide them. These statues were marble like you might find in some Buddhist temple and must have cost thousands of dollars. I just don't get it!
I don't know if they are trying to turn their house into this Buddhist Temple or what. There is a masjid on this street and I asked my husband to go over and give them some dawa but he doesn't know how to approach Buddhist he says.

Anyway, with my growing family this neighborhood is what we get although I would love to move nearer to my family. My mom has offered to take my kids except the baby for several weeks in June but I know they would drive them mad with their bad manners and fighting, and whining and I would get phone calls about how am I raising them. My parents had them for 2 days last summer and my dad was up in arms about their bad behavior. They just don't get along with each other. We have to seperate them and have them in seperate sections of the house for peace.

Pregnant and Exercising

2007-05-25T20:42:00.000-04:00

I had just started exercising and going for long walks outside when I found out I was pregnant and would be ballooning up again. This when I haven't even begun to loose the balloon from my last baby last July! It seems so sudden. I don't want to gain anymore weight as I went through a tough time last time with the massive weight gain, water weight, massive swelling of feet and everything else. I couldn't even sleep at night or lay down it was ridiculous sleeping in a chair for the last 3 months of the pregnancy. So I'm just plain frightened thinking about it.

I took my 6 year old and the baby on my walk today and hoped to tire her little feet out. I hope to keep this up. I bought lots of fruit today which should help with my sugar cravings. I'm craving sugar and spicy Indian food, curry lamb, rice, yogurt.

My husband is leaving town on Tuesday to go bury his sister mashallah. I pray things go well during his stay as I will be running the business. We've gotten rid of the criminal but the new employees are already trying our patience. The salaries are low and thus so is the calibre of employees!

Last night after midnight I craved a boiled egg for some odd reason. I haven't had them in years and never make them since my days as a Christian during Easter or in potato salad. My husband made me a nice boiled egg sandwich it was quite tasty.

Allah knows best how far along I am in this pregnancy but maybe 3 months, it would be nice if I was 6 months then I could know that it would be over soon.

Pregnancy, Panic Attacks, and Janaza

2007-05-24T07:29:00.000-04:00

Subhanallah it's been a long time since I have posted. I've been busy with life.
We found out who the car thief was at my husband's business. It was the same person we fired who was stealing the cash! She denied it of course as always, but a new employee overheard her talking on her mobile phone telling someone they have to get the mustang back which was one of the cars that was stolen. It later turned up three states away and the police caught the driver. Somehow they are linked to her. We don't have enough proof to charge her with anything and we are trying to find out if she had help from other employees.

I started vomitting out of nowhere the other day then I went and took a pregnancy test the next day only to find out I am pregnant! I don't know what to feel outside of anxiety as the previous pregnancy and labor loom heavily on my mind and the baby is only 9 months so it will be a lot to manage. It was shocking as I was on progesterone tablets as my doctor had recommended me waiting a year or so because of health concerns and boy I was trying to take advantage only to fall pregnant. I blame my other doctor who when I ran out of pills refused to call in a prescription until I made an appointment. I missed a few pills so that must explain it although I haven't had a period in over 5 months and thought this was because of the nursing baby so I still thought I was safe but Allah is the best of planners.

I had a panic attack last night and felt like I couldn't breathe.

One bit of good news, they will be releasing my sister in laws body from the police next week so we will finally be able to have the janaza which should help bring ease to the family inshallah.

The Cat is Gone Again Amongst Other Things

2007-05-07T18:30:00.000-04:00

When it rains it pours and it sure is pouring now.

My cat is gone again and this time we don't know where and it's been over 5 days. One night real late he was clamouring to go outside scratching the door and whining insisting to go outside so we let him out. Usually in the morning he's at the door waiting when the kids come out to get the bus to school but now nothing.

A few months ago he ripped off his collar which had his name tag and id on it and I never got around to getting him another one so there is much regret now. Now he's just an anonymous kitten wandering the streets. Someone could have taken him in or something could have happened to him. Or of course he could be stuck up a tree and Allah knows best.

The business is overwheliming. I was able to catch the person who was stealing money from my husband's business and she was fired on Friday. She stole over $1100 in two months ever since my husband's first trip to London in March. She lied, and cried tears saying 'I wouldn't steal money from Mr. ...., he pays me enough money so I don't have to steal from him.' Yeah right I thought when she told me that. Don't you know I do the payroll every month and I know how much you get! So anyway, with the videotapes, and the computer trail, and contacting the customer who verified the amount charged she was unable to outwit us as much as she tried.

We then told her if she knew anything about the 5 missing cars which were also stolen to let us know as the police are getting involved and it will result in jail time. So of course she didn't admit to stealing them although she is a primary suspect as she has already shown a penchant for thievery! Sad thing is she referred many of her friends who also work for this company. My husband misjudged her character totally! I took one look at her when I first met her and knew she had questionable issues based on her behavior with me, walking around with her mobile phone serving customer and talking, getting rude, and shouting 'I don't care I have other offers' when told about her bad behavior.

Anyway, she is gone but she has other family members working there so we must still be vigilant. The car thievery probably took place outside in the parking lot when they may have been cleaning cars or after hours as she locks up for the night.

This they do when they know there is a murder investigation going on with my husband and he is distraught and is not closely watching them. So they are like little mice when the cat is away~

Signs of Good and Evil Ends

2007-05-02T17:49:00.000-04:00

With the recent murders happening around the world and within my own family I purchased a book entitled Funeral Regulations and Exhortations by Muhammad Jibaly.

In the book he speaks of signs that Allah associated with a person's death that reveal or indicate their status after death. One should take note and reflect on the things that bring about a good end and strive to resolve to avoid everything that can bring about an evil end.

Signs of a Good End

1. Declaring the shahadah at the time of death.

2. Dying with a perspring forehead.

3. Dying on the night or day of jumu'ah.

4. Martyrdom on the battlefield

5. A woman's death because of pregnancy or delivery.

6. Dying while defending one's property or family.

7. Dying while defending one's deen.

8. Dying during self-defense.

9. Dying while doing a righteous deed.

10. Being praised after death by the righteous Muslims.

Signs of an Evil End

1. Dying while in a state of disbelief.

2. Committing suicine.

3. Dying while performing an act of disobedience.

4. Refusing to say shahadah at the time of death.

5. Being condemned after death by the righteous muslims

6. Addiction to alcohol.

7. Ill treating the parents.

8. Sudden death.

9. Dying before repenting from a major sin.

How to Catch a Thief

2007-04-29T00:46:00.000-04:00

The question of the hour is how to catch a thief. We are running a rental car business and there is an employee who is stealing the cars. The reason we believe this is because the keys are also being stolen along with the car. I'm trying to gather evidence and narrow down the list of suspects. There are two primary suspects but it's never good to rule out people as sometimes the most unlikely suspect is the one who does it. Five cars have been stolen in the past week so it's getting pretty ridiculous the boldness of it all. One of the employees has a boyfriend in jail so this makes her susceptible to the criminal element as she know a lot of 'gangsters.'

We will probably have to clean house and fire the whole lot of them then change the locks and the safe, and add outside video cameras to really nip this in the bud. Right now I've just been making dua to Allah to expose who the thief is. After I made this dua I got the idea to go by one of my employees home who lives in an apartment complex to see if I see any of the company cars lying around while she is working. It is all so underhanded but what else am I to do. I already told staff we may have to lay people off unless the cars were returned and nothing.

So this is the kind of thing that I've had to deal with while zoge is away. I've ended up at the business with the baby investigating all these fraud and theft cases.

When Death Overtakes Us

2007-04-26T00:18:00.000-04:00

Are you ready to die?

I'm not and Allah knows best if my sister-in-law was ready but the inevitable has happened and what the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)prophecized has come to pass.

The prophet mentioned that there will come a time when the one who is murdered will not know why he is murdered. The hadith is "By He in Whose hand is my soul! The world shall not pass [away] before there comes upon people a day in which the murderer will not know why he has murdered, nor will the murdered one know why he has been killed.” [Muslim]

May Allah forgive my sister-in-law for her sins and give her jannah. Ameen.

I don't think my sister-in-law's murderer knows why he killed her. I'm sure he is facing much regret for his evil, dispicable, diabolical actions. The whole situation makes me angry, sad, depressed, anxious, nervous and quite terrified as to what will come to pass. I worry and wonder 'in what state will I die'. Death is a reminder for the believer as we do not know when we will die and in what state we will die. What will be our last deeds done for Allah, Lord of All the Worlds? How will we be remembered and will those who remember benefit us in the next life?

Everyone sins and Allah is All Knowing. Allah forgives sins to whom He chooses. But we must all remember that death can come at any moment and do we want to go before Allah in the state that we are in. All we need is one magnoon (crazy) criminal with bad intentions to murder us when we are unaware and then the 2 angels who come to question us about our life will appear. Are we ready to be questioned? I'm not ready to be honest, as I need a lot more good on my account. I'm not ready for my reckoning, but this senseless act of violence is a warning to me that I too can be taken away and I want to have at least an atom's weight of good on that day. Because Allah says, "whoever has an atom's weight of good will see it on that day." That day is Judgement Day, the day that we will all be called to account. Surah Al-Haqqah (69) in the Qur'an states ,"Then when the Trumpet will be blown with one blowing. And the earth and the mountains shall be removed from their places and crushed with a single crushing."

"Then on that Day shall the Great Event befall...That Day shall you be brought to Judgement, not a secret of you will be hidden. Then as for him who will be given his record in his right hand will say: "Take read my record! Surely I did believe that I shall meet my account. So he shall be in a life, well pleasing. (Paradise)

"But as for him who will be given his record in his left hand, will say: "I wish that I had not been given my record! And that I had never known how my account is? I wish would that it had been my end (death)! ...It will be said: "Seize him and fetter him then throw him in the Blazing FIRE. Then fasten him with a chain whereof the length is seventy cubits."

So this is the reality that we forget, but it is the reality that we should not forget. I'm writing this for myself first as I forget this reality and the proof that I forget this reality is in my actions. I don't always act like someone who realizes that my account (good and bad deeds) are awaiting me on judgement day and nothing will be hidden. Nothing! How can I amuse myself with frivolity when I know that Nothing will be hidden! How can I listen to things which are of no benefit when I know that nothing is hidden from Allah and I will be called to account.

And so we must heed the reminder and realize that we may not be ready to die but we don't know exactly when or how this will take place. May Allah guide us to worship Him alone in a manner befitting His Majesty. The creator of the heavens and the earth is not in need of us, but we are in need of His Mercy.

Alone Again

2007-04-23T23:32:00.000-04:00

Well I am alone again if you call taking care of 5 children ages 8 months to 10 years alone! Hubby had to fly out of town to London with the latest crisis in the family. His sister is still missing since Friday morning. Now the police have stepped up the priority and our coming by the family house at midnight terrifying everyone. You'd think that if you got a knock on the door at midnight during an investigation of a possible murder that it was bad news as opposed to an update on the status of the case and a request for photos of the missing person.

My husband is frantic with worry and saying he won't be returning home until he has found her. I understand his worry and concern but he has 2 businesses that he's supposed to be running and there's only so much I can do with 5 kids I have to get to school and back and no babysitter reserved. Which is not to say I couldn't reserve one but its not cost effective as these are new and growing businesses so revenue is low. Nevertheless I will be patient and steadfast as he does not need any more stress on his plate. This is a major, major trial and I pray that Allah returns her to the family safely.

Bubba's Back But Worse Trials Have Come

2007-04-20T22:16:00.000-04:00

Al hamdulilaah my cat made it down the tree on his own.
The next afternoon I was walking around despondent thinking oh no
I don't hear his meows anymore when I walked toward the woods. Then I thought perhaps he was sleeping.

When I went out to pick up my daughter from school I heard a meow, meow, meow, and it was Bubba! I was so excited I had to prostrate to Allah in Thankfulness then and there as I knew the only thing that had bought him back was dua.

So then life today has taken another turn for the worse.
This time it is my husband only sister who is missing. The last time she was seen was Thursday night when she put her 4 kids to bed ranging from age 8 to 14. Friday morning when the kids got up to go to school their mother was not there. And now it is early Saturday morning and no one has heard anything from her. My mother in law has been staying at her house with the kids who are frantic and crying my mom is dead, my mom is dead so it is not a happy scene to say the least. My husband is in the USA thousands of miles away just calling all the hospitals in London and scouring the news for murders in London or unidentified body's. I've been keeping busy and making dua and trying to stay positive and focused.

Please make dua that she is found safe and returned to her family.

My Cat is Stuck in a Tree

2007-04-17T08:06:00.000-04:00

Salamu alaykum,

Ya Allah. My cat Bubba is stuck way out in the woods behind my house about 100 feet up in a tree! We tried everything to get him to come down but nothing. The kids notified me of it at 3 p.m. and asked permission if they could go up and get it. I thought it was in our yard so I was like yes. Then my youngest said no mommy its far away in the woods and way up high, so I run out and tell the kids to leave it. Then I call my husband who says that it will come down as it made its way up there somehow.

Not!

So around 9:30 p.m. I ask my husband to go out and look for Bubba. He starts going on about the bears and wolves that are out in the woods and not wanted to go out in the dark alone, as the jinn might attack. So its me, hubby and the 10 year old Umm Hurairah out there with 2 flashlights trying to call the cat in.

We had to go about 500 feet through the woods, thorns and thick brush following the 'meow, meow, meow. The majority of the trees out there were very thin about 6 inches around and unclimbable and Bubba was moving around out there crying. He just was too afraid to come down.

I made enough dua for Allah to bring him down, I recited Qur'an, surah Baqarah, Iklhas. I made the dua that prophet Ibraheem made when he was thrown into the fire and nothing.

My husband assured me that the firemen only come on tv and this is not their job. We actually have a firehouse on our street but I've never been there and I don't know if it's a good use of their time. From what I've read on the net most will not do it as their is a risk and the cat is up very high and it's not very accessible as you have to go through thick uninhabited woods walking for like 5 minutes to find him. We are going to buy the tallest ladder we can find today but I just went out back and called for him and he didn't meow so I don't know. I've read online that some cats stay up there from 3 days to a week until rescued.

Bullies, Falling, Standing Up

2007-04-12T16:58:00.000-04:00

Well the saga of the Muslim bullies is not over yet unfortunately.
The bullies pulled off my daughters hijab and hit her again.
Then people from the bullies tribe (Gambia) boys to top it off hit her
with a baseball bat! Then to top it off when she hit the boy back his older brother then started hitting my daughter. All the while my 10 year old daughter's 8 year old scaredy cat brother did nothing!

This is all at the masjid during their evening Qur'an school. They get a playtime break before magrib to play soccer or jump rope etc. and this is when the fights begin. My daughter came home bleeding and we were not happy.

So the next day I go up there and have it out with those kids! I told them if they lay another hand on my children I would take care of them myself! I just have had enough. My children go their to learn Qur'an not to get abused. this is worse then the public school, but then this girl does also go to the same school as my daughter although she hasn't beat her up there. I would love to meet this girl's parents. She lives in the neighborhood and walked home.

Today I was on the way to pick up my 4 year old from pre-K and I had her strapped in her car seat, and I fell down the stairs with the baby. My whole left side is sore but al hamdulilaah the baby was safe from harm. The car seat fell to the ground with me but I still had my hand on it and my daughter didn't hit the ground or get bruised in any way. She cried for 30 seconds probably from the shock of the thud of me falling to the ground but then she just stared at me on a heap on the ground. I had to pick my self up off the ground and still drive to pick up my daughter.

So today is the day after the bullies, I told those bully kids to let their parents know what I said as I really want to have it out with them. The community believes in spanking other people's kids as several of them have spanked my children and well I need to spank some of theirs and I am ready. Although they might not realize they can get locked up for this type of thing - so I will tread very carefully and refrain but threatening them made me feel a bit better although I should have discussed it with the parents.

Panic Disorders

2007-04-05T22:26:00.000-04:00

Salamu alaykum,
I saw this article and I could really relate to this. I think I have post partum anxiety and it started after they gave me the epidural and I still go through panic attacks and feelings of anxiety and that impeding heart attack that never comes. It's a real feeling that can scare you into the emergency room when it first happens.

Postpartum Anxiety Disorders
By Linda Sebastian

Panic disorder, a more extreme form of anxiety, is marked by intense episodes of anxiety, usually accompanied by a fear of impending death. These episodes are called panic attacks. Once a person has a panic attack, he or she often has an overwhelming fear of future attacks and avoids many situations as a strategy to prevent them. Panic attacks are a painful and debilitating illness.

Ten days after I had my son, I had my first experience of thinking I was going to die. I was giving him a bath. Suddenly my heart started pounding. I became dizzy and short of breath. I was so afraid I would pass out that I got on the floor and crawled with the baby into the bedroom. I called my husband, and he came home.

I thought I was having a heart attack, so we went to the emergency room. I was crying and worrying about not seeing my baby grow up. They ran tests and told me it was anxiety. I didn't believe them. I called my own doctor, and he ran some more tests.

When I kept having panic attacks,, I started reading about panic. I went to a therapist who helped me manage my symptoms and my thinking. Now I can head panic off most of the time. I still can remember how scared I was. It is hard to believe that it is anxiety and that I am not dying.

Twenty-eight-year-old Melissa's description of her panic attack is very typical of first-time sufferers. Panic attacks are terrifying and are often mistaken for heart attacks or strokes.

Many people have experienced moments of panic in frightening situations such as accidents, but this is a normal response to a situation outside the range of typical human experience. Panic attacks occur even when the situation does not warrant the body responding in such a way.

Panic Attack Criteria

A panic attack is a discrete period of intense fear or discomfort, in which four or more of the following symptoms develop abruptly and reach a peak within ten minutes:

palpitations (sensation of pounding heart) or faster heart rate
sweating
trembling or shaking
shortness of breath or smothering sensations
feeling of choking
chest pain or discomfort
nausea or abdominal distress
feeling dizzy, unsteady, light-headed or faint
a sensation that things are not real (derealization or a sensation of being detached from oneself)
fear of losing control or going crazy
fear of dying
numbness or tingling in the hands or feet
feeling chilled or having hot flashes

Often the panic attack is associated with a certain place or event. Avoiding situations that may precipitate a panic attack becomes a way of life that usually becomes more and more restrictive. For example, let's say you have a panic attack as you're driving and approach a red light. You begin to experience shortness of breath. Heart-pounding thoughts like, "What if I pass out?" or "What if I crash?" begin to race through your head. In the future, you will probably associate red lights with a panicky feeling. Soon you will begin to avoid stoplights and will take long detours to reach your destination. These avoidance strategies create major problems in the life of a person with panic disorder. All types of situations are seen as dangers to be avoided. Soon the world becomes smaller and smaller. Eventually, the person may not be able to leave the house, go into a public building, drive a car, or be around strangers. This creates a fear called agoraphobia, which often accompanies panic episodes.

Agoraphobia, translated literally is "fear of the marketplace." The condition has been known since the time of the ancient Greeks. Individuals with agoraphobia are usually terrified of leaving their homes alone. They may fear such things as being in public or among crowds, standing in a line, being on a bridge, or traveling in a bus or car. This avoidance of public places severely restricts the lives of those with this disorder. Often they will become depressed because they are so isolated. This sense of being alone in a terrifying world and unable to seek help is a very frightening experience.

Sandy, a twenty-two-year-old new mother, illustrates the emotional devastation that can result from agoraphobia and panic attacks:

I was driving to the grocery store with the baby for the first time. Six blocks from home, my heart started pounding. I was sweating. I thought I was going to faint. I went back home. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to worry them. Somehow I felt ashamed because I thought I should be able to do something as simple as go to the store.

I thought maybe I was still tired from the delivery or was anemic. But it kept happening when I drove, so I made up excuses not to drive. I refused to go out of the house for four months.

Finally my husband got impatient with me and made me go out. We got a sitter and went out. I had such a horrible time because I was so scared and wouldn't let go of his hand.

He made me go to see a counselor, and I found out I was having panic attacks. I never knew other people had the same thing. I was able to control my anxiety by breathing. I didn't need medication. I worry that I will have it again if I have another baby.

Sandy's story is tragic. Not only did she have a frightening experience, but she thought she was the only one affected with the problem. Her story also illustrates how people with anxiety may try to hide what is happening to them because they feel a sense of shame. Anxiety becomes a prison that keeps getting smaller and smaller.

If you or someone you know suffers from any of the anxiety disorders described in this chapter, seek help immediately. Like depression, anxiety is very responsive to treatment. Many people have these problems, so you are not alone.

Strategies for Managing Anxiety
In addition to medication and therapy, there are some strategies you can use to help lessen and eventually prevent anxiety episodes. The most common technique is relaxation breathing. Most of us breathe with only part of our lung capacity. We usually do not use our abdominal muscles. By deep breathing and using your abdominal muscles, you can tell your body and mind, "All is well, and you can relax."

Follow the instructions below to learn this breathing relaxation technique:

Relaxation Breathing Instruction

Sit or lie comfortably. Close your eyes or gaze at a fixed spot in the room.
Begin to focus on your breathing putting all other thoughts out of your mind. The only thing you have to do now is to practice relaxation breathing.
Begin to pace your breathing by counting: "in-2-3-4, out-2-3-4." You can also pace your breathing with positive sayings like (breathing in) "I-am-more-relaxed-and-calm, I-am-more-relaxed-and-calm" (breathing out).
Gradually take deeper and deeper breaths, consciously raising your abdomen when you breathe in and lowering your abdomen when you breathe out.
Continue comfortably breathing for at least ten minutes.
Like any skill, this will take some practice. Do this for at least five minutes two or three times daily. Gradually, you will develop an automatic response to beginning this kind of breathing. You can use this breathing to help diminish your anxiety or even to prevent anxiety in situations that might create tenseness for you. This kind of behavior training is commonly used to help people lessen their reliance on medication.

A similar technique often used in conjunction with relaxation breathing is muscle relaxation. This is usually a guided relaxation exercise; it can be on tape or read to you by someone. You can tape record the steps yourself, but you may find it more helpful to have someone read the steps to you slowly, allowing you to concentrate on the breathing and relaxation:

Progressive Relaxation Routine

Sit or lie comfortably. Close your eyes or gaze at a spot in the room. Gradually focus your mind on your breathing.
Begin to take deeper breaths, raising your abdomen as you breathe in and lower your abdomen as your breathe out.
Feel your body relax and become warmer and heavier as you continue the deep breathing.
Curl your toes under on both feet and hold for a count of 1-2-3-4. Relax your toes and take two deep breaths.
Curl your toes under again for a count of 1-2-3-4-5-6. Relax and breathe deeply, being sure your abdomen rises as you breathe in and falls as you breathe out.
Now tighten your calf muscles for a count of 1-2-3-4.
Relax and take two deep breaths.
Tighten your calf muscles again for a count of 1-2-3-4-5-6.
Let go and breathe deeply, making sure your abdomen rises as you breathe in and falls as you breathe out. Continue this tightening-release-tightening longer-release pattern with your thigh muscles squeezed together, then your buttock muscles, then your abdomen.
Then continue pattern by clenching your hands into fists, then bending your forearms to the biceps, then shrugging your shoulders.
Finish with the facial muscles by squinting your eyes, then opening your mouth as far as possible.
Be sure to deep breathe after tensing each muscle group and count in a gentle rhythmic manner, tensing with the second tensing longer than the first.
Notice how much more relaxed you feel. You feel calm, relaxed, and peaceful. Tell yourself you have just given your body and mind a treat. It feels good.
Open your eyes when ready.
You can tape someone reading this for you, or you can tape it yourself, being sure to pace the reading so that you don't rush through it. As with relaxation breathing, consistent practice on a daily basis will develop your capacity to relax in stressful situations.

Still Here

2007-04-05T01:04:00.000-04:00

Salamu alaykum Everyone!

Blogger is driving me so crazy. I have the old blogger and from time to time it will not let me post anything. This was the case for the past 6 weeks. I have a new blog over at wordpress so now I'm trying to run two. I still like blogger though cause I met a lot of friends in blogger.

I never did make it home but my husband did. He went home to London to see family and just returned today. He went on a buddy pass with Delta Airlines and it was a nightmare as they kept bumping his flight as buddies have no priority. He says never again he will just play full price next time. I'm glad I didn't travel like that as it would not have been good with the baby and all.

I had to take care of the business and kids while he was gone and it was pretty hectic at times. His staff are so conniving it was driving me crazy. When the cat is away the mice will play and oh how they played.

The kids were pretty good considering a couple of days I had to hold my head in my hands and make dua for my sanity.

My oldest daughter finally fought back from the bully but did this on the masjid playground after being threatened, taunted, and teased for months by this one girl who also goes to her school. I was so proud that she tried to stand up for her self that I didn't really scold her for doing it near the masjid. I told her though in the future make the girl cross the street and then kick her butt in front of our house as we live across the street from the masjid. It just is not right to fight outside the masjid and I didn't want to encourage that. I told her it was better to fight at school then at the masjid. She is so scared and weak so I didn't want to say too much negative as then she would just close up and never defend herself again and continue to get picked on throughout her school life. This is how I was and how I wish I had someone encouraging me to stand up to the bullies.

I'm Coming Home Momma!

2007-02-18T21:30:00.000-05:00

The plan is to return home for a short visit inshallah this week. I haven't bought the plane tickets yet but it's been a long time coming, change gonna come.

I keep getting back to back illnesses and other stressful situations with our family business.

I've become Ms. Tax Lady now doing payroll taxes, corporate taxes, personal taxes, and sales and use taxes. I majored in accounting in my first 2 years of college before it drove me to 'drink' (preislam of course) and it wasn't all it was cracked up to be so I changed my major to marketing and then double majored in Journalism and Marketing so I left the accounting world behind or so I thought until we got the family business and I'm the one who can really get my head around the US tax code as hubby is British and well it is a confusing mess.

So I've been doing taxes for the past few weeks trying to get caught up. My refund came in my bank account on Friday for our personal taxes which leaves some money for me to get out of dodge. I can't decide if I will go this week or wait till Spring break but I'm leaning toward the next few days.

I know there is snow there and my kids would love it to come with me but I don't plan on taking them! Of course I will have to take the baby but the rest oh what a break it would be. We shall see what comes of the plan as we plan and they plan but Allah is the best of planners.

Supplication to Combat Oppression

2007-02-17T19:38:00.000-05:00

In the book called Al-Fawaa'idul Muntaqaat min Sharhil Kitaabit Tawheed Shaykhul 'Uthaymeen said:

"There are three types of oppression:

1-The oppression of the human being towards Allaah and His rights like ascribing a partner with him and this is the greatest type of oppression.

2-Self-oppression. That is, a person placing something upon himself something he does not have the capacity to carry out.

3- Oppression of one human being towards another human being;

Like killing a person without a just and legal reason.

And this is the greatest type of oppression towards a human being.

In this present world, we find all types of oppression on every conceivable level. Just look, read or listen to the news and you will see it…all around you.

Nations that are 'super powers' oppressing other weaker nations.

Husbands not taking care of their wives or children properly or even just giving them their basic needs and then to top it off, constantly threatening them with taking another wife.

Ex-wives who get remarried and do not hand over their children to their birth fathers even though the fathers are religious, able bodied, financially stable men with good character.

Children who disobey their parents or those who do not assist them in their time of need; whether they are living in the house with them or not.

The boss at your job who continues to harass you simply because of your beliefs or practice of your belief.

Parents who have daughters and sons who are in need of getting married but they are prevented for the reason of getting a higher degree, the person is not the right ethnicity, color or the like.

The list of oppressors goes on and on!

The Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam has left for us a supplication that brings a breeze of warmth.

It is an invocation that relieves the soul of its depression, grief and anxiety.

It reconnects us to the reality that there is One who is listening to us and will answer our call when we call on him.

It attaches us once again to our Creator and Fashioner who knew that if we were left calling out for help in our oppressive state calling on Him in our words, we would more than likely say something incorrect.

Not knowing the rank of Adab (etiquette) with Allaah.

How to proper call on Him.

What and what not to say.

How and how not to say it.

When to say it.

So He – The Blessed and Exalted - gave us this supplication from the blessed mouth of our Prophet with the right words put in their right places.

Here is the supplication. Look at it very, very carefully. Study its meaning and explanation.

Recite it with sincerity.

On the authority of Abdullaah ibn Abbaas who said that the Messenger of Allaah sallalaahu alaihe wa sallam used to supplicate saying:

“My Lord, help me do not give help against me.
Grant me victory and do not grant victory over me

Plan on my behalf and do not plan against
Guide me and make my right guidance easy for me.

Grant me victory over those who act wrongfully towards me.
[O Allaah] make me grateful to You mindful of You

Full of fear towards You devoted to Your obedience humble before You or penitent.

O my Lord, accept my repentance wash away my sin…” Answer my supplication clearly establish my evidence guide my heart

Make true my tongue, draw out malice from my heart.”

The Explanation of the supplication against oppression is as follows:
On the authority of Abdullaah ibn Abbaas who said that the Messenger of Allaah sallalaahu alaihe wa sallam used to supplicate saying:

“My Lord, help me…”

Means: Make me successful to remember you, thank you and beautify the worship of you.

“Do not give help against me…”

Means: Do not allow anyone who would restrict me from obeying you from amongst the human or jinn devils, to overcome me.

“Grant me victory and do not grant victory over me…”

Meaning: make me overcome the disbelievers and do not allow them to overcome me.

Another meaning: give me victory over nafs, for indeed it is the worst of enemies and do not give victory to the nafsul amaarah[1], so I that I will not follow desires and abandon guidance.

“Plan on my behalf and do not plan against…”

Meaning: At-Teebee said: “al-Makr or planning means deception which Allaah assaulting His enemies with trials and tribulation from a place they would not even become aware of.

It is also said that it is Istidraaj[2] of the servant’s obedience causing him to believe that [the obedience] is accepted [by Allaah but in reality] it is rejected.

Ibnul Maalik said: al-Makr literally is a trick and an idea to repel the enemy in a way the enemy would not be aware of.

(So the) meaning is: O Allaah! Guide me to the way of repelling my enemies from me and do not guide my enemy to a path enabling them repel me from myself.

“Guide me…”

Meaning: direct me to acts of goodness or show him his shortcomings.

“And make my right guidance easy for me…”

Meaning: make following the guidance or the paths of guidance for me easy, so that obedience will be not become a burden or distracted from worship.

“Grant me victory…”

Meaning: exclusively

“Over those who act wrongfully towards me…”

Meaning: Oppressing me and transgressing upon me.[3]

“[O Allaah] make me grateful to You…”

Meaning: for the blessings and favors.

“Mindful of You…”

Meaning: all occasions and times.

“Full of fear towards You…”

Meaning: fearful of you in times of ease and hardship/happy times and sad times.[4]

“Devoted to Your obedience…”

Meaning: Abundant obedience which is submission and obedience.

“Humble before You…”

Meaning: Humility and modesty. It is also said that the meaning is ‘being submissive, fearful, and humbling by acquiescing [oneself].

“Or penitent…”

Here the narrator was doubtful which word it was, but both words have a similar meaning.

“O my Lord, accept my repentance…”

Meaning: Make it correct with [all of their] conditions, combined with its etiquettes because they will not go beyond the scope of acceptance.[5]

<>“Wash away my sin…”

Meaning: Erase my sin.

“Answer my supplication…”

Meaning was not given I assume since it was very clear and needed none!

“Clearly establish my evidence…”

Meaning: Against my enemies in this life and the end.

“Guide my heart…”

Meaning: To knowing and having awareness of my Lord.

“Make true…”

Meaning: make it true, straight and correct.

“My tongue…”

“Draw out…”

Meaning: extract.

“Malice from my heart…”

Meaning: deception, rancor, hatred, envy, jealousy and the like that spring from the chest of vile, offensive behavior and character that settles in the heart. And Allaah knows best.

Atikah bint Nafil

2007-02-11T17:24:00.000-05:00

from the book:
The Sahabiyat by Jameelah Jones

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During the early years of Islam, women encouraged their husbands to go forward for the cause of Islam. These women, like their men, were courageous, strong and thoroughly ready to give all for the sake of truth. The Sahabiyat (female companions of the Prophet - sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) had personalities which cannot be scoffed at. Here is a story of one such early women of Islam.

Atikah bint Amr ibn Nafil was one of the most beautiful women of Quraysh. She married AbdurRahman ibn Abu Bakr, who was extremely fearful of Allah, handsome and considerate of his parents. AbdurRahman was very much in love with Atikah. One day his father passed by and visited him in his home. When he saw how taken his son was with Atikah, he advised him to divorce her, as she had run away with his reason and overcome his senses. AbdurRahman told his father that he was not able to do this. His father said, "I endure you to do so!" Since AbdurRahman was not humanly able to oppose his father, he divorced his wife. However, after the divorce, he became extremely unhappy and even stopped eating and drinking. Abu Bakr went to him one day, but his son didn't even notice him. He realized that his son was totally devastated by the divorce. AbdurRahman was lying in the sun reciting the following: "I swear by Allah that I will never forget you as long as the sun rises, and as long as the ring-necked dove coos. I cannot imagine one such as me divorcing one like her, nor one like her being divorced without any reason. She is chaste, religious, and noble. She has a balanced personality and a logical mind." After hearing this, Abu Bakr advised his son to take her back. AbdurRahman obeyed his father, and they were reunited. Atikah remained with him until he was killed by an arrow while out with the Prophet -sallallahu alahi wasallam- on the day of Ta'if.

Atikah later married Umar during his Khilafah. Their union ended with his death at the hands of an assassin. Some time passed, then Az-Zubayr ibn Al-Awwam proposed to her and subsequently married her.

It was Atikah's custom to leave the house so that she could pray in the mosque. Az-Zubayr was possessive. It upset him to see her leaving the house to pray in the mosque. He appealed to her to stop, but she saw no reason to give up praying in the mosque in which she had prayed behind behind the Prophet -sallallahu alaihi wasallam, Abu Bakr, and Umar. Az-Zubayr knew that he should not forbid her from praying in the Prophet's mosque, because he knew the hadith in which the Prophet -sallallahu alaihi wasallam had said, "Do not forbid Allah's female slaves (from attending) His mosque". So one night when she went out to the mosque, Az-Zubayr hid himself in a place where she could not see him. As she passed by, he hit at her. After that incident, she decided not to go out to the mosque anymore. He would say to her, "Aren't you going out Atikah?" She would reply, "I used to go out (to pray) when people were people and they didn't want to harm anyone, but now I'll not go."

Then Az-Zubayr was martyred, and she subsequently married Muhammad ibn Abu Bakr, who was killed in Egypt. At this point, she decided that she would never marry anyone else after him, for fear that he too would be martyred. She once said, "If I were to marry all the inhabitants of the earth, they would all be killed." She was given the affectionate name "Zawjah Ash-Shuhada" - the wife of the martyrs.

My Comments
Now I just love this story and it shows that it is okay to marry again and again and again. Although in her case, her husband's kept dying in jihad it still shows that it is okay and take note she married some notable sahabah. Two of Abu Bakr's sons, Umar, and Az-Zubayr. I especially find it interesting how Az-Zubayr threw stones at her to put her off going to the masjid as he didn't want to forbid her from going.

Evil is How Evil Does

2007-02-11T17:23:00.000-05:00

You Are 10% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm.
Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

How Evil Are You?

Understanding Jizya (Dhimmi [non-Muslim] tax)

2007-02-06T08:18:00.000-05:00

According to the commentaries by Yusif Ali [1281], the root meaning of Jizya is compensation. The derived meaning, which became the technical meaning, was a poll-tax levied from those who did not accept Islam, but were willing to live under the protection of Islam [Protection against surrounding Christian Crusaders and Pagans] and were thus tacitly willing to submit to its ideals being enforced in the Muslim State.

Did All Jews have to pay Jizyha ?
According to Islamic law as quoted by Malik's Muwatta Book 17, Number 17.24.46:

"The sunna is that there is no jizya due from women or children of people of the Book, and that jizya is only taken from men who have reached puberty.”

In other words, men of military age, were excused from joining the army in exchange for paying jizyha. According to Abu Hanifa, there are also exceptions for the poor, slaves, monks and hermits.

How much tax did the Jews have to pay ?

Islamic Law states that “if” Jews trade in Muslim countries, coming and going in them, a tenth is taken from what they invest in such trade. This is because jizya is only imposed on them on conditions, which they have agreed on. {Muwatta Book 17, Number 17.24.46}. Live stock was accepted as payment Book 17, Number 17.24.45) . Therefore, the true Islamic tax rate for non-military joining Jews was 10%, not the mythical amount of 50%

Did Muslims or Jews pay more in tax ?
Both Jews and Muslims were required to pay tax in Islamic countries. The Muslim tax was called “Zakat”, which was much more broad.

Jews did not have to pay any zakat on any of their property, livestock, produce or crops while Muslims –did-. Zakat also varied depending on the Muslim's situation, depending on the size of property, number of live stock, amount of savings, on average, the Muslim paid more taxes than the non-Muslim.

Besides an average of Muslims paying more taxes, Muslims also had to pay with their lives, they had to join the army and defend the country, whereas non-Muslims in the country were not required to enlist, again displaying the price for the Muslims was higher than for the non-Muslims.

Both Muslims and non-Muslims alike faced force if the tax was not paid:

Collecting Zakat (Muslim tax) Book 17, Number 17.18.31: "Yahya related to me from Malik that he had heard that Abu Bakr as-Siddiq said, "If they withhold even a hobbling cord I will fight them over it."

Tax amounts in Islamic compared to non-Islamic countries;
In Islamic countries, military aged capable Jewish men are required to pay 10% tax, how much tax do non-Muslims and Muslims alike have to pay in non-Islamic countries? Here is a international comparison of tax burden ratio chart;
Country/Year/Tax Burden Ratio percent

Japan/1997/23.3

USA/1997/27.9

Germany/1997/30.1

France/1997/34.3

Italy/1996/35.7

UK/1996/36.2

Sweden/1996/54.4

Note: Tax Burden Ratio: Ratio of tax burden in national income. Source: Annual Report on National Accounts Economic Research Institute, Economic Planning Agency Apr. 10, 2000)

What is the burden of tax ratio in Israel ?

In Israel, not only is it mandatory for both men and WOMEN, to join in the army, but men and women in Israel have to face one of the world’s highest tax rates;

Workers in Israel earning NIS 10,001 a month ($30,000 a year) are subject to a marginal tax rate of 55 percent, As the Bank of Israel's annual report for 1999 noted, Israel's marginal tax rate is higher than that of all but two OECD countries (Belgium and Denmark)

According to the Bank of Israel report, Israel has one of the highest tax-to-GDP ratios in the western world. This ratio stood at 40.1 percent in 1998, the bank said, compared to an average of 37.7 percent among the OECD countries in 1996 (the last year for which figures were available).

How much tax do Muslims pay in the Zionist country ?
As documented, Jews did not pay 50 percent of their income in taxes, also cited, Muslims **do** have to pay Over 50 Percent in taxes for living in Israel. When Palestine (Israel) was forcefully taken from Muslims and driven into a Zionist country, Muslims were ordered to pay one of the highest tax rates in the world or face arrest and imprisonment in a torturous Israeli jail.

In conclusion, the accusation that Jews were forced into paying 50% of their income is a myth, the sultans in Islamic countries followed strict Islamic law to stay in power, which dictated that willing and able Jewish men only had to pay 10% on their trade income. Our study also documents how the Islamic taxation system was one of the best in history when compared to non-Islamic countries, namely Israel. vent frustration on having to pay over 50 percent of one’s income for taxes in Israel. We also conclude that this myth may be an attempt by Jews to vent frustration on having to pay over 50 percent of one’s income for taxes in Israel.

Did the Jews Pray as Muslims Do?

2007-02-06T08:08:00.000-05:00

Prophet Muhammed was commanded to follow the Religion of Abraham. Had the religion of Abraham not known to him, we would not expect God to command him to follow it.

"Then we inspiredyou (O Muhammed) to follow the religion of Abraham, monotheism; never was he an idol-worshiper." 16:123

[19:58] "These are some of the prophets whom GOD blessed. They were chosen from among the descendants of Adam, and the descendants of those whom we carried with Noah, and the descendants of Abraham and Israel, and from among those whom we guided and selected. When the revelations of the Most Gracious are recited to them, they fall prostrate, weeping."

[19:59] "After them, He substituted generations who lost the Contact Prayers (Salat), and pursued their lusts. They will suffer the consequences."

Quran conforms that salat was lost after some generations for the people of the book. Losing it involved changing it in every aspect. The salat as practiced today by most of the Jews and Christians is different than what was given to their prophets. Very few Jews and Christians have maintained the inherited Salat.

In a book entitles "To Pray as a Jew" I found a lengthy explanation of the the Prayers as done by the ancient Jews and few of the contemporary Jews. In this book the author put diagrams showing the movement and positions during the prayer. One look at these illustrations is enough for the Muslims to realize the similarity of the prayers of the Jews then and Salat as practiced by the Muslims.
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In his comment about these positions the author wrote : "In most contemporary congregations very few people keep to the tradition of falling prostrate. Sometimes it is only the Prayer leader and the rabbi who does so. In more traditional congregations, however, some worshipers, men and women, will join the Prayer Leader and rabbi in the act of prostrating themselves. In Israeli synagogues, the practice is more widespread than in synagogues elsewhere. Since this is a position that we are unaccustomed to, one who has never done this before might very well demur. But once accomplished, the experience provides such a spiritual uplift that one looks forward to repeating it. Those willing to try this ancient ritual form on the rare occasions that call for it might welcome the following diagrams of the correct procedure"

It is also interesting to learn from this book that the prayers of the Jews involve wash before the prayers, (like Wuduu or ablution for Muslims), and the call for Prayers (like the Azan for the Muslims).

For a Muslim, the details and examples were provided by the Holy Quran and Prophet Muhammad who continued the method of submission practiced by the Prophets before him:

(Psalm 95:6)"O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the Lord our maker.", (Joshua 18:42)"And Joshua fell on his face to the Earth, and did worship...", (I Kings 18:42)"And Elijah went up to the top of Carmel; and he cast himself down upon the Earth, and put his face between his knees.", (Numbers 20:6)"...and they [Moses and Aaron] fell upon their faces: and the Glory of the Lord appeared on them.", (Genesis 17:3)"And Abram fell on his face: and God talked with him, saying..."

Reference :

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: To pray as a Jew : a guide to the prayer book and the synagogue service / Hayim Halevy Donin.
Author Donin, Hayim.
Publisher New York : Basic Books, c1980.
Paging xxii, 384 p. : ill. ; 25 cm.
Title; RSV Bible

Muslim Seeks to Make Excuses for Other Muslims

2007-02-04T20:11:00.000-05:00

From Sa'd ibn 'Ubaadah (radiyallaahu 'anhu) who said that Allaah's Messenger (salallaahu 'alaihi wa'sallam) said: ...and there is no one who loves to accept an excuse more than Allaah, and because of this he sent the bringers of good news and the warners...

Reported by al-Bukharee (Eng. Trans. 9/378/no.512) and Muslim (Eng. Trans. 2/782/no. 3572)
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NOTES

So a Muslim seeking to make an excuse for his brother and those whom he loves will cause good will to spread instead of antagonism, and will bring about ties of relationship instead of estrangement. Since if Allaah, He who is free of all imperfections, grants excuse, and He is the Creator and the Most Great, then how can you O servant of Allaah, a weak creation of his, not seek to make excuse for others? Rather as is said: "Seek an excuse for your brother." Likewise there is the saying: "the believers seek to make excuses for others, whereas the hypocrites hope for the downfall of others". So the fact that the Muslim seeks to excuse his brothers emphasises that: [Next

Time is Precious

2007-01-30T06:30:00.000-05:00

"We have reminder upon reminder, about how nations before us were destroyed and a common sickness which they were plagued with was 'love of this world'. Regarding the Jews, who claim to be the best of all people and inheritors of the Promised Land, Allaah says:

"And verily you will find them the greediest of mankind and [even greedier] than those who do not believe in Resurrection [i.e. the idolaters]. Every one of them wishes that he could be given a life of a thousand years. But the grant of such life will not save him even a little from [due] punishment. And Allaah is all-Seer of what they do." Soorah al-Baqarah (2):96

If these people who spend their time in heedlessness and negligence, and futile desires, and the best part of their time being when they sleep or are inactive - then death is better than life. And we say to them:

'Time is the most precious thing which you take care of, and I see it to be the easiest for you to lose" [Taken from The Call to Islaam and the Caller of Shaikh 'Alee Hasan.]

Sick and Shut in Once Again

2007-01-27T18:20:00.000-05:00

Salamu alaykum,

I've been sick and shut in once again. This time its strep throat and bronchitis! I went to the Minute Clinic today some new thing they just started in CVS pharmacy as my doc is no longer open on saturday. I got some antibiotics and am hoping for some relief soon. Being sick really makes you appreciate when you are healthy. It is no joke. Then which of the favors of your Lord will you deny.

I was inspired by Organic Muslimah today and her statement on her blog:
"I realized what I was feeling. It's that feeling you get when you know exactly how you will always be happy for the rest of your life. And that is by loving Allah. I listened to the rest of the duaa. And a thought struck me as I was close to shutting my eyes. I broke into a smile. A really big smile, with tears still rolling down my cheeks.

Here, once again, Al Wadud (Allah the ever so Loving) is reaching out to me--again and again and again.

Ya Allah? I can't help but fall in love with You and want to dedicate everything for You only. I want to sign it all over. Please use me, for your cause. But most importantly, remind me, again and again and again when I forget that to You we are from and to You we belong.

I submit. La ilah Ila Allah."

Now that was deep and real and if that doesn't soften your heart and make you reflect on what is really important than Allah knows best what will.

How I Feel

2007-01-17T08:05:00.000-05:00

Your Depression Level: 36%

You may be depressed.
While you can be moody, your moods generally fall within the range of normal.
It's up to you to decide if you're depressed... or if you're simply having a bad week.

Are You Depressed?

Is Britain a good place to be a Muslim?

2007-01-16T19:50:00.000-05:00

As an American having lived in London, I find this article about Britain being a good place to be a Muslim quite interesting. London definitely has it benefits although now that terror plots have struck London and the Underground, and more racial profiling, and the MI5 is doing random home raids of innocent Muslims home it is becoming less so. Here is an article found in the Gulf News online written by a non-Muslim on how nice it is for Muslims in Britain. I lived there for 5 years and it had it's pros and cons, and it may just be another case of you never miss what you had until it's gone. One thing for sure is you don't stand out as much as you do in America as there are tons of muslims but unfortunately the majority will not speak to you! Of course this is my experience and they say that Americans are more outgoing while Brits are more standoffish are reserved so that may explain why. Are there any readers who have been to Britain? What do you think?

Britain is a good place to be a Muslim
By Ruth Kelly, Special to Gulf News
I am extremely proud to live in what I think is a profoundly diverse and thriving multicultural society. It is a huge pleasure for me to be working in a role which involves building trust between communities and creating a more cohesive society.

Though these messages are sometimes hard to get heard we need to highlight the many and genuine benefits of cultural diversity; something that has huge influence on the prosperity and creative energy of our society. Of late, although there has always been a debate about immigration, a lot of coverage in Britain has revolved around Islam and first, second and third generation Muslim communities. It is not often said that "Britain is a good place to be a Muslim", but this is something that I hear privately from many Muslims. Indeed a recent survey found that only 12 per cent of white people would be concerned if a close relative married a black or Asian person. Just five years ago the figure was 33 per cent. Facts like this - demonstrating Britain's instinctive tolerance - aren't quoted often enough for everyone to hear.

Why is the UK a good place to be a Muslim? Many Muslims have settled and built lives here precisely because they have the freedom to practice and discuss their religion in a way not open to them elsewhere. There are powerful laws which ban prejudice against any individual on grounds of race and religion, and examples of Britain's sensitivity in supporting religious freedom are everywhere: whether it is the provision of prayer rooms by employers; faith schools; or halal food provided in work places, hospitals and schools. Non-Muslim children too learn about Islam and other faiths according to our national curriculum. The market for Islamic finance is thriving in the UK and products are provided by mainstream British banks such as HSBC. This is all within a society and government approach that encourages and supports the concept of equal opportunity, economic freedom and development and educational attainment.

Largest religion
Nearly two million Muslims make Islam the second largest religion in the UK. We can boast of more Muslims in our two houses of parliament than any other Western European country. There are literally thousands of Muslim associations, organisations and charities. And Muslims who contribute to our cultural life through arts and sports, for example.
Core values enshrined in the basic tenets of Islam such as charity and compassion are very much the values we cherish in British society. One only has to look at disasters such as the Pakistan earthquake and the Asian tsunami and the huge response by the UK public - with UK Muslims and Asians leading in setting the example - to realise how entrenched these joint Muslim-British values are. And just look at the money Britain now gives in aid - including significant and growing sums to Muslim countries. Aid to Pakistan up from 28 million pounds to 97 million pounds and in Bangladesh from 39 million pounds to 123 million pounds - all in under a decade.

To walk around the East End of London and all the Bengali restaurants near where I live in London is to experience cultural and religious diversity and tolerance at its best in British society. You could be forgiven for thinking that you were in downtown Lahore or Dhaka, with shops offering foods from across South Asia and around the world, and the call to prayer five times a day. But these experiences are shared by a number of communities living in the same place. And indeed, London is home to more than 300 communities which speak over 300 languages. There is a debate in Britain about the dangers of a separated and segregated society. Our aim is to maintain a level of integration and interaction among and between communities - but this does not mean that we respect different cultures and the contribution that many from all backgrounds can make any less.

Some would say that Britain should be identified as a Christian country because of its Christian heritage and history, but this is to ignore the role that Islam and other religions and cultures have played in creating these identities that define us today. This is not a recent phenomenon, but the outcome of centuries of exchange of cultures and beliefs.

Benefited
Britain has benefited from trade and cultural interchange with the Muslim world stretching back over the past millennium and Islamic civilisations have played a major role in transmitting philosophic and scientific ideas for which we are in huge debt.

A forerunner for peaceful co-existence despite many religious beliefs was bequeathed to us by Muslim societies of old. A Britain without Muslims would be unthinkable - a very different, less vibrant, culturally poorer and significantly less economically successful place. So I feel proud that with many communities we can also legitimately claim to be a country of one British people whatever an individuals' race, religion or culture.

We have shared values and we are a nation in which British Muslims are an integral - a vital part of our society.

Ruth Kelly is Britain's Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government.

Questions Couples Should Ask Before Marriage

2007-01-14T16:59:00.000-05:00

I read this article on the New York Times online about questions that couples should ask each other before marriage. I thought some of these were interesting and others might not apply for an islamic marriage. The NY Times article is in black and my comments are in Red

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying
New York Times Published: December 17, 2006

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:
1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

Well islamically Allah is the planner as far as children and whether or not someone will be blessed or not. It is good to know if they want the woman to stay at home and be a homemaker or how this will work. Many woman work and take care of the children and are overburdened while others need to work outside of the home.

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
This is good at least finding out how one feels about the islamic principle of riba and how much debt your partner is currently in. And of course do they know what a checkbook is and have they ever balanced one!

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
This is good to have a general idea - the key is does the man want to follow the sunnah and be like the prophet and help out in the home mending his own clothes and helping with housework.

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
This is important in this day and age with mental illness and life threatening diseases on the rise.

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?Well this is something that as Muslims we will probably discover and can be learned in the marriage and encouraged.

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
This will be discovered after marriage also!
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
The question might need to be will there be a tv in the house as some muslims do not do tv and some do, some with moderation and others without!

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
You might be able to gauge this during a sitdown although most people put on their best behavior. One could see how he is with brothers in the community or his family, sisters or mother.

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
This is important, especially for the brothers who may be marrying non-muslims. And of course for the sisters to know whether the brother is upon the sunnah or one of the many deviated sects.

10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
This is a hard call as sisters will generally not know brothers but the question may need to be will the brother allow the sister to still hang out with her friends be they muslim or otherwise; and how is he about keeping the family ties? Will he let her visit her family regularly even if they reside in another country?

11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
This actually might need to be considered as muslim inlaws can be demanding more than non-muslims as there are certain rights that muslims must give to their parents.

12) What does my family do that annoys you?
Now this is a can of worms and patience may be most fitting. Of course if the answer is they hate people of the race you are in then well one must consider the impact.

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
This is a good question

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
Good questions as for hijrah too.

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
Good question as some brothers are not willing to weather the storm and shout divorce as soon as the sister burns the first meal!

Where Have You Been Lately?

2007-01-12T15:30:00.000-05:00

Create your own visited country map

Salamu alaykum,

Here is a listing of countries I've visited in my life. I got the idea from visiting Honary Arab's Blog. The list so far includes USA (VA, MD, ME, PA, NJ, NY, WV, DC, GA, SC, NC, TN, FL, MI, AL, OH, CT), Canada, United Kingdom, Morocco, Japan, Bahamas, Cancun Mexico, Germany, and the United Arab Emirates. My favorite vacation spot was the Bahamas in my pre-practicing Islam days. I would like to return there one day. I've read they have a good masjid there and some of the people of the sunnah have conferences there with the ulemah of Islam. Actually my next stop should be Saudi Arabia for hajj or umrah whichever comes first. I just have to find somewhere to put some of these kids especially during hajj as the prices could get exorbitant.

Interview with Umm Abdullaah

2007-01-11T17:11:00.000-05:00

The following is an interview with Umm 'Abdullaah, the wife of our Shaykh, Muhammad ibn Saleh al-'Uthaimeen ( : rahimahullaah). The interview was conducted by Sis. Maha bint Husein Ash-Shammari & Published in "Al-Mutamayyizah Magazine," Riyadh, KSA; Issue No. 45, Ramadhan, 1427.

Question 1: Was there any change in the motivation of the Shaykh regarding 'ilm (knowledge), dawah, and worship between his youth and his elder years?
Answer: I did not find any diminishing or weakness in his motivation in knowledge, dawah, and worship despite his progress in age. On the contrary, his busy schedule continued to increase with time, as was the case with his worship and call to the extent that during his intense illness, he was not negligent with one moment; he would spend every second in remembrance of Allaah (subhaanallaahu wa ta'aalaa), worshipping Him, teaching, or directing.

Question 2: What did you see that was amazing in the Shaykh's life?Answer: His life was an example to follow, especially his patience and motivation to seek the knowledge as well as teach and dissipate it. Also, his piety was something that those who were not close to him may not have known about.

Question 3: How did the Shaykh interact with his children in their private lives?
Answers: His dealings with his sons and daughters fell into two stages. First, in their childhood, he ( ) was keen to be close to them, take care of them, raise some of the Islamic principles in them, and follow their educational achievements. In addition, he made sure to direct, admonish, and incite them. For instance, he would sometimes take the children with him to the masjid to perform some of the fard prayers. Also, he would encourage them to fast some of the days of Ramadan. Furthermore, he would incite them to memorize some of the short surahs of the Qur.aan and reward them on that. In the stage of youth and maturity, he was firm concerning their fulfilling of the religious obligations and in discipline in cases of negligence. He would couple that with direction and leniency. At certain
times, he was not hesitant to do what was sufficient to change or correct their mistakes. In addition, he used to put full trust in them to do certain things so they could learn to depend upon themselves; he used to continuously encourage them on righteousness and check on them regarding that.

Question 4: Why did the Shaykh not use henna on his beard?
Answer: Maybe he did not have the time to do that. I think I heard him saying something to this effect.

Question 5: When did the Shaykh's anger intensify, and how did he deal with your anger?
Answer: His anger used to intensify if the inviolable matters of Allaah were violated. Regarding my anger with the children, he would try to calm me down first and then give the admonition to the one that was mistaken. In general, he was quiet and did not anger quickly; when he did, his anger would quickly dissipate, and this is from the favors of Allaah upon him, something which I wished for the like of his condition.

Question 6: How did he get up from his sleep? Did he depend on an alarm clock, or would he ask someone to wake him?
Answer: He used to depend upon Allaah, then the alarm clock and then us. Usually he awoke before the alarm and before I would go to wake him.

Question 7: Would the Shaykh ever go outside with his family for a picnic?
Answer: Yes, the family used to have a weekly picnic on Fridays after salaat al-jumu'ah; we would go to an area in the wilderness close by and bring our lunch. He utilized this time to share in some activities with the children, like foot racing and solving puzzles. Also, he would bring a small rifle and compete with his children in aiming and shooting.

Question 8: How did the Shaykh fast during the year?

Answer: The Shaykh ( ) consistently fasted three days each month throughout this life. In addition, he would fast six days in Shawwal, the ten days of Dhul-Hijjah, and the day of 'Aashooraa.

Question 9: How did the Shaykh select the names of his children?
Answer: He used to choose names like 'Abdullaah and 'Abd ar-Rahmaan(1); he left the rest for consultation amongst us. We would pick a name and present it to him; he would either agree or ask us to select another.

1These are the names of two of his sons.

Question 10: What were some of the things that would please the Shaykh?

Answer: There is no doubt that the Shaykh's ( ) happiness used to increase whenever he saw the strength of Islam and Muslims. Regarding happiness at home, it was manifested in meetings with his family and children.

You would also see the signs of pleasure and happiness on him upon receiving his grandchildren. He used to open his cloak to allow them to enter underneath and then inquire about them a few times before reopening it; he would do this several times. Later, he would take them to his library where he kept a special kind of sweets they used to call "halawat abooye" (my father's sweets). We were keen to ensure that they would not find it, except with him. In addition, despite his busy schedule, he made sure to visit his grandchildren at their homes or in the hospital if any of them were ill; this would have a great influence on them and their patents.

Question 11: How many children did the Shaykh have?
Answer: The Shaykh had five sons and three daughters.

Question 12: Who amongst his children was the closest to his heart?
Answer: The Shaykh used to deal justly with his children in all affairs, major and minor. If he found any kind of distinction between them, he would never declare it openly because this is not from justice. If he was keen to be just in matters lighter than this, then what should we expect here?

Question 13: Who amongst his children was most affected by his death?
Answer: All of them were, and the reality of the matter is that I used to feel that we were not alone in this as he was a father to Muslims around the world, who all felt a great shock by his death.

Question 14: Who is his youngest child?
Answer: The youngest is a daughter who is 21 years old.

Question 15: What were the steps the Shaykh took in seeking knowledge, and what was your role in that?

Answer: The Shaykh ( ) began teaching in the Grand Mosque in Unayzah following the death of his Shaykh, 'Abd ar-Rahman ibn Naasir as-Sa'dee ( )even before I married him. At that time, he used to consider himself a student of knowledge. Concerning my assistance, it was manifested in not distracting him from seeking knowledge and propagating it. I used to serve and make available to him what would support his efforts. I would also follow the children and take care of them, except in matters that required his notification so that he could direct, admonish, and seek a solution.

Question 16: How did he reconcile between the dawah, which took most of his time, and his familial and social responsibilities?
Answer: He used to organize his time and gave this great attention. For instance, he would dedicate time for teaching, fatawa, dawah, worship, the family, the children, social responsibilities, and upholding the ties of kinship. If he, at certain times, was unable to directly share in some of these responsibilities, he was still keen to share even by phone.

Question 17: What was his policy regarding educating and directing his children?
Answer: His policy was education; however, he did not force his children to seek a specialty but instead used to consult with them regarding this decision. The obvious proof is that his children graduated from different types of colleges, some sharee'ah, others military, and also educational.

Question 18: Taking into consideration the Shaykh's work and commitments, his inevitably led to him being away from home and the family. What was your role regarding this matter, and how did you cover for his absence?
Answer: Even if he was away from home whether for teaching and propagating inside Unayzah or while traveling, he used to follow up with his children through phone calls and by checking on their affairs upon his return. My role is not even worth mentioning because we always felt his presence with us. In general, I used to make the children feel their father's responsibilities were great and his works many. As such, I would incite them to be patient on that, and he ( ) used to compensate them on his return.

Question 19: Could you tell us about his worship at home?
Answer: He was keen to perform the as-sunan ar-rawatib (regular sunnah prayers), except in limited circumstances. He ( ) used to wake up in the latter part of the night as much as possible and then make the witr before fajr, in addition to the remembrances and istighfar that he did not discontinue.

Question 20: What was his daily program? For example, when did he sleep and wake, and when did he eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
Answer: The Shaykh used to get up in the last third of the night, praying as much as Allaah ( ) wished and then make the witr before the adhan of fajr. Following the adhan, he would pray the regular sunnah of fajr. Next, he would wake his family before going to perform salaat al-fajr at the masjid. He would then return home to read his daily remembrances in the courtyard as well as some of the Qur.aan until about sunrise. He would then sleep till about 8 am. This was on the days that he was not teaching at the university.

After waking again, he would eat some breakfast and then finish his work and readings in his study. He would also pray salaat ad-duhaa before going to the masjid for salaat adh-dhuhr. Upon his return, he would eat lunch with his family at about 1:30. Next, he would take phone calls until about 20 minutes before 'asr. He would then rest for fifteen minutes or less before going to the masjid to pray 'asr and meet the needs of people who went to the masjid knowing he would be there. He would return to his study after addressing the people's needs to read before going again to the masjid for maghrib and his daily classes that would last until isha. Usually he would return home after that to eat a light dinner before going to his study to
either give lectures outside of the Kingdom via telelink or hold meetings. This was almost his regular schedule throughout most the year, although it would change during some seasons such as Ramadan, Hajj, and the summer break.

There were also some weekly commitments, and these would take place either at home or outside. Some of his weekly commitments included: Wednesday night meetings with the judges, meetings with the imaams that were scheduled to give the khutbah of jumu'ah in the masajid, meetings with university staff and professors, and meetings with the people of hisbah (those that enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong) until 11 or 12 pm then he would go to sleep.

Question 21: What was his schedule during Ramadan, especially after iftaar?
Answer: During Ramadan, the Shaykh ( ) had a different schedule. He would spend most of the time at the masjid reciting Qur.aan and meeting the needs of the people. Also, he would invite some of the students of knowledge and the poor to eat iftaar at our home. After salaat al-isha, he would return home for dinner and to give fatawa over the phone. In addition, many people would visit our house to either say salaam to the Shaykh ( ) or seek a fatwa.

Question 22: Where did the Shaykh like to spend his rest time?
Answer: In reality, the Shaykh ( ) did not know rest time; all of his time was busy. Even when he was sitting with us, the phone sometimes would ring, and he would spend a long time addressing the call. His rest time was in propagating the knowledge, meeting people's needs, and fatawa.

Question 23: How many hours a day did the Shaykh ( ) sleep?
Answer: The connected time did not exceed 3 to 4 hours. In total, it did not exceed 6 hours daily.

Question 24: Who amongst the students of the Shaykh did he praise, mention often, and was pleased with their visits?
Answer: He ( ) looked the same upon all of his students. All of them were like his sons, and he did not praise any of them in particular, but he looked upon them equally when he would meet or welcome them to the house. Also, he would share in their special occasions, meetings, trips, or support them if they were in need of something.

Question 25: How did the Shaykh's ( ) family deal with his asceticism and piety?
Answer: We used to see him ( ) as an example in all things, and we used to revere his asceticism and piety, which would comfort us since he ( ) did not like any unnatural mannerisms nor did he want that around him. He was a simple person who liked ease in all of his matters.

Question 26: Did he cry upon the death of Shaykh 'Abd al-'Aziz ibn Baaz?
Answer: He was greatly affected by the death of his Shaykh, from whom he took knowledge. Everyone around him felt the extent of the profound impact it had. May Allaah ( ) make us meet them all in the Paradise of bliss.

Question 27: Did he travel for other than seeking knowledge?
Answer: No, he did not travel except to seek knowledge. He used to travel to Makkah for 'Umrah, where he would dedicate times for duroos (talks). In addition, he went to Riyadh and Taa.if to attend the meetings of the Grand Scholars Committee, where he would also schedule duroos and lectures.

Question 28: Can you tell us about the apparent generosity of the Shaykh with those in need?

Answer: We used to feel his care ( ) for the people in need, whether they were distant or close. For instance, he used to check on the affairs of his family and relatives that were in need. Also, he would do the same with his neighbors, helping them in all that they needed, comforting them concerning their worries, and sharing in their joyous occasions.

Question 29: What did you learn from the Shaykh? Did you learn matters of fatawa? Did you ever give fatawa?

Answer: I learned from the Shaykh ( ) everything that relates to the affairs of this life, whether from the social or legal aspects. Concerning giving fatawa, I would not even dare to do this. I only used to present the questions I received to him and then relate the answers and fatawa to those that had asked.

Question 30: Before the Shaykh's ( ) death, what did he admonish his household and beloved ones with?

Answer: The Shaykh ( ) did not give a specific direction before his death, but throughout his life, he would direct everyone to that which benefited them in their life and in their deen (religion).

Question 31: We would like an admonition from you to the wives of the callers and students of knowledge.

Answer: They should preserve their husbands, openly and secretly. In addition, they should prepare for them the best situations and conditions to continue providing their duties of dawah and knowledge. Also, I incite them that they should not be bothered by the busy schedule of their husbands and their time spent traveling, seeking knowledge, reading, and doing dawah. By Allaah's ( ) Will, they are sharing in the reward.

Question 32: Could you tell us about the way the Shaykh ( ) used to receive
his guests?

Answer: He ( ) would receive his guests with simplicity and a real sense of welcoming. He ensured that they felt like guests, and no day passed, except that he brought a guest either for lunch, dinner or in between. We were pleased with his guests and would honor them.

Question 33: What about a rare and pleasing encounter he had with his children or neighbours?

The Shaykh ( ) acted with simplicity towards his children and neighbors and all those surrounding him. And one of those rare and nice occasions is that the Shaykh ( ) used to record some short recitations and nasheed(2) for his children and sometimes in the presence of one of the neighbors' kids. He then would re-play the cassette to them during some meeting with them at older ages. We even still keep some of these recording to this date.

2The Shyakh's (IJ KLMN) position on the so-called Islamic Nasheeds as posted on the site (www.understand- islam.net) is not to be confused with this innocent children-directed recordings referred to here.

Question 34: What is your advice to those that spread mischief in our Kingdom?

Answer: We ask Allaah ( ) to preserve our land and to continue to bestow upon us the favor of security and safety. The Shaykh ( ) would often repeat and mention that he does not know any nation on the face of the earth that applies the sharee'ah and holds to the correct creed like this one. Similarly, he ( ) used to incite us to deal with affairs using wisdom, good admonition, and leniency instead of resorting to violence.

Question 35: Is there anything that the Shaykh ( ) asked you to do that seemed strange and made you feel hesitant?

Answer: It may be unknown to most that I was illiterate and did not receive any kind of formal education. When I first married the Shaykh ( ), I was fully busy in his service and in providing him the correct, comfortable environment to seek knowledge and teach. After we had our children, I was busy with them, and it took all my time to raise them, in addition to the time I used to spend to help and support the Shaykh ( ) in seeking knowledge.

After the children grew up and my responsibilities began to ease slightly, I was surprised that the Shaykh ( ) began to incite me to join the schools for the elderly. Although hesitant at first, I decided to join. During this period, he followed my achievements and would not accept for any of my sons to sign my transcripts of record. He ( ) would say, "I am the one to sign for all that relates to your academic achievements". This moment of learning is a period that can not be forgotten because of the great,innumerable benefits.

Question 36: What kinds of gifts would the Shaykh ( ) give you, his children, and people in general?

Answer: During his lifetime, he ( ) would not withhold anything from those that were close and those that were distant, to the best of his ability. The greatest gift he used to give us was his dawah and du'aa; I ask Allaah ( )to accept his du'aa, hold them for him in his good record, and bestow upon us the ability to be righteous to him after his death.

Question 37: Did the Shaykh ( ) relate to you anything nice that occurred in the masjid?

Answer: He ( ) would always tell us those things that he thought were fit to mention.

Question 38: When did the Shaykh ( ) travel for dawah, and how would you deal with him concerning that?

Answer: I used to incite and encourage him as well as make things easy for him by providing him what he needed. In general, his trips were few, and I used to join him on most of them. Concerning travel outside of the Kingdom,he did not leave the country, except to seek treatment in America for ten days, and I joined him during that.

Question 39: Could you tell us about the Shaykh's use of the internet when it was first introduced to the Kingdom?

Answer: He was one of the earliest to hasten to benefit from this service and tried to utilize it to dissipate, propagate, and serve the Islamic knowledge. There is nothing more evident of this than the establishment of his website, which contains all of his works. His site is currently supervised by the charitable organization that was setup after his death.

Question 40: When did the Shaykh ( ) buy the automatic, telephone answering machine?

Answer: From the things that are unknown to many is that the Shaykh ( ) was keen and had interest in modern electronic instruments. There were those that used to provide him with the newest technology, such that you would often find with him some electronics that had not yet been released to the open market; examples include: electronic watches, instruments that could determine the direction of the qiblah, audio recording devices, mobile phones, and automatic telephone answering machines among many other gadgets. He ( ) acquired the automatic answering machine as soon as it became available in the Kingdom. He used it a great deal, often programming it and
recording the messages himself, to the extent that when he would travel, he would leave a detailed message on how to contact him while he was away. He was in that, a reference to all of us.

Question 41: Did the Shaykh ( ) buy newspapers, and how did he learn about local and national news?

Answer: We used to receive one of the newspapers at our home as a gift, and he ( ) would look at it if he had time. Sometimes he would ask us for scissors to clip out important articles or news so he could keep it. Also,he would hear the news on the radio, especially during breakfast around 7 or 8 in the morning when he would listen to either the Qur.aan broadcasting station from Riyadh or the BBC. In addition, he would listen sometimes at length to the analysis of the news if there were important developments.

Question 42: Was there ever an offer for the Shaykh to move to Riyadh?

Answer: Several times he was asked to move to Riyadh, Madinah, and Makkah. He was even assigned as a judge in the eastern province of al-Ihsaa, but he used to see that his staying in Unayzah had a great benefit, so he ( )refused these offers.

Question 43: During the visits of King Faisal ( ), King Khaled ( ), King Fahad ( ), and other princes, what did the Shaykh ( ) offer them?

Answer: When he was at his home which is made of mud in Unayzah, he was visited by King Saud ( ), King Khaled ( ), and King Fahad ( ); they were amazed by his humbleness, piety, simplicity, and asceticism.

Question 44: Did anyone offer to install any echo instruments for the microphone in the Shaykh's masjid?

Answer: The Shaykh ( ) did not see to that.

Question 45: Was the Shaykh ( ) married to anyone else other than you, and how many wives did he have?

Answer: No, the Shaykh ( ) was not married to other than me. He married two wives before me; his first wife died, and Allaah ( ) did not intend for the second marriage to continue.

Question 46: We need from you an admonition to men who have more than one wife.

Answer: Justice. Justice. Justice.

Question 47: If one would ask the father (i.e. the Shaykh) to admonish me as a girl, what would you expect him?

Answer: He would admonish you as he would admonish one of his daughters and all of the daughters of the Muslims to fear Allaah ( ) openly and secretly,to be righteous to the parents, uphold the ties of kinship, preserve the husband, and fear Allaah ( ) regarding raising the children Islamically based on leniency and kindness.

Question 48: Did the Shyakh ( ) use to tell you about the Mujaahideen in Sheeshaan (Chechnya) and other places especially since it reached us that he was keen concerning their news and Fatwa?

Answer: He ( ) was keen on following the status (affairs) of Muslims everywhere, in Palestine, Algeria, Afghanistaan, and Sheeshaan.(3)

3It is known that the Shaykh (IJ KLMN), like the other reliable scholars of our times, al-Albani and Bin Baaz ( ), as well as Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, exerted great efforts to correctly direct the Muslims in these countries and in others as well as to the reality and conditions of Jihaad and warned them from deviation as evident in their published fatawaa and advices. The reader is referred to www.understand-islam.net for further details on this, especially under "Contemporary issues," "Jihaad," "Clarifications," etc. May Allaah, the Most High, guide all Muslims to understand and properly adhere to the true conditions and rulings regarding Jihaad. Aameen.

Question 49: How did the Shaykh ( ) receive the news of his illness, and how did he tell you about it?

Answer: He ( ) received the news with patience, anticipating the reward. One of my sons reported to me that after they ( ) received the news, he instructed them not to mention anything to their brothers, sisters, or me and that the matter should be left to him. He related the news to us gradually. We ask Allaah ( ) to forgive him and give him a spacious residence in Paradise.

Question 50: We came to know that the Shaykh during his illness refused to call his cancer the "evil disease", choosing instead to simply refer to it as dangerous. Would you tell us about this and his patience?

Answer: This was not only after his illness, but rather he had this opinion before because he disliked using the term "evil" for this disease.

As for his patience, this was manifested in his illness, and I knew that he suffered greatly from it. The pain would wake him many times during the night; whenever he was asked about it, he would confirm that it existed,adding that he only told them this as information and not as a complaint,since he knew the reward for those that were patient.

All Praise is due to Allaah, and may the salaah and salaam be on Prophet Muhammad, his household, the noble companions, and those who follow them until the Day of Resurrection.

Flowers are an Insult

2007-01-06T23:06:00.000-05:00

I'm still trying to get over the idea that flowers are an insult to give
to someone who is angry at something that you have done.
Does anyone see that as such? Has someone ever really pissed you off then a long while later sent you flowers to say sorry and you felt insulted by that? Is that a diss to them? Is that like shooting someone with a gun and then sending flowers?

I am trying to understand the logic behind that thinking. I told someone that I sent the flowers in the picture above to a relative of theirs who was angry with me and they told me that the reason why it probably wasn't acknowledged was it was an insult. How dare I think that my behavior can be made up with flowers? I am flabbergasted to say the least. I thought firstly that the person who was mad as me might at least soften their heart towards me then I thought well at least the person's relative would think I had tried. But neither happened as the person who I sent them to is pretending like nothing was sent and the relative is stating 'oh what did you expect, it was an insult to them for you even to send them.

It makes me really sad and depressed and I just climbed back into bed and put the covers over my head in despair and thought what a waste of money!!

P.s. I got my tooth taken care of. Thanks for the support.

Taqabula minha wa minkum

2007-01-01T22:41:00.000-05:00

May Allah Accept it From Us and From You

Eid is finally over al hamduillaah and things went well. We went to the prayer and then to the masjid where they had breakfast prepared for the community and it was nice. I met a new muslim and her children and she looked like she had been muslim for a lot longer than 3 months. It was nice and refreshing talking to her.

I then was invited to a party later on at a sister's house. My husband didn't want me to go but I convinced him to let me go and told we had the other two days of Eid to spend together.

I know he's feeling sentimental and sad with his parents and other kids in London so I decorated the house myself this Eid and didn't over burden him with doing stuff for the kids.

I have a toothache that is driving me insane and cutting down on my eating which is a good side effect. I need a root canal and don't really want to spend the money to get it done but the pain is excruciating and nothing else is working. I went to the dentist last week and they gave me the diagnosis and referred me to an endodontist so I have to make the appointment asap.

Not much else is going on outside of the pain. I had a good Eid though and pray that everyone else did as well.

Christmas in the Schools

2006-12-22T21:17:00.000-05:00

I don't know anymore about the seperation of church and
state in the American public schools.

My children go to the public schools and are a minority as muslims in the school they attend. This is not optimal or ideal but I'm not mentally able to home school right now as I want them to survive and thrive and we can't really afford to send 4 children to a Muslim school. We might be able to send one but then its which one and all that goes with that.

Well while I know the scholars have ruled that you shouldn't send your child to a non-muslim school or even a muslim school that are not following the Qur'an and sunnah as then they will learn bida, so right now I'm not doing what I should but am trying to shield them from this Xmas hullabaloo.

I wrote a note to all of the teachers explaining that the children are muslim and don't celebrate any holidays outside of the two Eids, and listed ones that they don't celebrate. I then explained what Muslims believe and gave a little summary of the religion. I then explained the type of lessons that I didn't want my child to participate in such as 'writing letters to Santa' , Xmas plays, Xmas parties, lessons with holiday themes, and things of that nature.

So then my 6 year old daughter tells me that she only did one thing in class today as the teacher did not have any alternative assignment for her as the whole class spent the day writing letters to Santa and other Xmas related stuff, so she just sat there. Is this acceptable behavior for a teacher? Is there no alternative or variation to the lesson that the teacher could have thought of? Does my daughter deserve to be punished for not celebrating Christmas?

Then my 4 year old daughter comes home singing 'We wish you a Merry Christmas.." and all that entails and her teacher also got the letter but they have her learning Xmas songs. She said I didn't want to color Xmas pictures but the teacher gave me Xmas pictures to color. She says I watched a Xmas video with Santa in it. Then today she comes home stating they had a party but it wasn't a Xmas party. They must have told her that! But really you know it was as she got candy canes and Xmas candy and well it's 2 days before Christmas.

Of course this is all my fault and I will be accountable for sending them to this denizon. My husband would like to just take them all out and have me home school them but I'm not ready for the committment yet as I still have the newborn and am just burnt out.

Outside of taking them out of school I just don't know what to do to get the teachers in line as they read the letters but basically ignored it and still did everything I said not to do.

I thought of complaining to the principal or even the superintendent of schools but to what avail. This is what they want to propagate in the school and I remember doing this when I attended school singing Xmas carols and having parties and Xmas plays.

This is why we shouldn't send Muslim kids to non-muslim schools. I know this but the reality is that right now I'm not at a place in my life where I can mentally handle all 5 kids at home driving me up the wall all day long. Maybe inshallah one day I will be at that point but now no.

What does everyone else think? Am I over the top or what?

Virtues of the Ten Days of Dhul Hijjah

2006-12-20T14:55:00.000-05:00

How do the first ten days of the Month of Dhul Hijjah differ from other days of the year?

Praise be to Allaah Who has created Time and has made some times better than others, some months and days and nights better than others, when rewards are multiplied many times, as a mercy towards His slaves. This encourages them to do more righteous deeds and makes them more eager to worship Him, so that the Muslim renews his efforts to gain a greater share of reward, prepare himself for death and supply himself in readiness for the Day of Judgement.

This season of worship brings many benefits, such as the opportunity to correct one’s faults and make up for any shortcomings or anything that one might have missed. Every one of these special occasions involves some kind of worship through which the slaves may draw closer to Allaah, and some kind of blessing though which Allaah bestows His favour and mercy upon whomsoever He will. The happy person is the one who makes the most of these special months, days and hours and draws nearer to his Lord during these times through acts of worship; he will most likely be touched by the blessing of Allaah and will feel the joy of knowing that he is safe from the flames of Hell. (Ibn Rajab, al-Lataa’if, p.8)

The Muslim must understand the value of his life, increase his worship of Allaah and persist in doing good deeds until the moment of death. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And worship your Lord until there comes unto you the certainty." [al-Hijr 15:99] The mufassireen (commentators) said: "‘The certainty’ means death."

Among the special seasons of worship are the first ten days of Dhu’l-Hijjah, which Allaah has preferred over all the other days of the year. Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him and his father) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There are no days in which righteous deeds are more beloved to Allaah than these ten days." The people asked, "Not even jihaad for the sake of Allaah?" He said, "Not even jihaad for the sake of Allaah, except in the case of a man who went out to fight giving himself and his wealth up for the cause, and came back with nothing." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 2/457).

Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him and his father) also reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is no deed more precious in the sight of Allaah, nor greater in reward, than a good deed done during the ten days of Sacrifice." He was asked, "Not even jihaad for the sake of Allaah?" He said, "Not even jihaad for the sake of Allaah, except in the case of a man who went out to fight giving himself and his wealth up for the cause, and came back with nothing." (Reported by al-Daarimi, 1/357; its isnaad is hasan as stated in al-Irwaa’, 3/398).

These texts and others indicate that these ten days are better than all the other days of the year, with no exceptions, not even the last ten days of Ramadaan. But the last ten nights of Ramadaan are better, because they include Laylat al-Qadr ("the Night of Power"), which is better than a thousand months. Thus the various reports may be reconciled. (See Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 5/412).

You should know, my brother in Islaam, that the virtue of these ten days is based on many things:

Allaah swears an oath by them, and swearing an oath by something is indicative of its importance and great benefit. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "By the dawn; by the ten nights" [al-Fajr 89:1-2]. Ibn ‘Abbaas, Ibn al-Zubayr, Mujaahid and others of the earlier and later generations said that this refers to the first ten days of Dhu’l-Hijjah. Ibn Katheer said: "This is the correct opinion." (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 8/413)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) testified that these are the best days of this world, as we have already quoted above from saheeh ahaadeeth.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged people to do righteous deeds because of the virtue of this season for people throughout the world, and also because of the virtue of the place - for the Hujjaaj (pilgrims) to the Sacred House of Allaah.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to recite a lot of Tasbeeh ("Subhan-Allaah"), Tahmeed ("Al-hamdu Lillaah") and Takbeer ("Allaahu akbar") during this time. ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him and his father) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There are no days greater in the sight of Allaah and in which righteous deeds are more beloved to Him than these ten days, so during this time recite a great deal of Tahleel ("La ilaaha ill-Allaah"), Takbeer and Tahmeed." (Reported by Ahmad, 7/224; Ahmad Shaakir stated that it is saheeh).

These ten days include Yawm ‘Arafaah (the Day of ‘Arafaah), on which Allaah perfected His Religion. Fasting on this day will expiate for the sins of two years. These days also include Yawm al-Nahar (the Day of Sacrifice), the greatest day of the entire year and the greatest day of Hajj, which combines acts of worship in a way unlike any other day.

These ten days include the days of sacrifice and of Hajj.
Question: What must the Muslim avoid during these ten days if he wants to offer a sacrifice?

The Sunnah indicates that the one who wants to offer a sacrifice must stop cutting his hair and nails and removing anything from his skin, from the beginning of the ten days until after he has offered his sacrifice, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "When you see the new moon of Dhu’l-Hijjah, if any one of you wants to offer a sacrifice, then he should stop cutting his hair and nails until he has offered his sacrifice." According to another report he said: "He should not remove (literally, touch) anything from his hair or skin." (reported by Muslim with four isnaads, 13/146)

The Prophet’s instruction here makes one thing obligatory and his prohibition makes another haraam, according to the soundest opinion, because these commands and prohibitions are unconditional and unavoidable. However, if a person does any of these things deliberately, he must seek Allaah’s forgiveness but is not required to offer (an extra) sacrifice in expiation; his sacrifice will be acceptable. Whoever needs to remove some hair, nails, etc. because it is harming him, such as having a broken nail or a wound in a site where there is hair, should do so, and there is nothing wrong with that. The state of ihraam is so important that it is permitted to cut one’s hair if leaving it will cause harm. There is nothing wrong with men or women washing their heads during the first ten days of Dhu’l-Hijjah, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) only forbade cutting the hair, not washing it.

The wisdom behind this prohibition of the one who wants to offer a sacrifice from cutting his hair etc., is so that he may resemble those in ihraam in some aspects of the rituals performed, and so that he may draw closer to Allaah by offering the sacrifice. So he leaves his hair and nails alone until the time when he has offered his sacrifice, in the hope that Allaah will save him in his entirety from the Fire. And Allaah knows best.

If a person has cut his hair or nails during the first ten days of Dhu’l-Hijjah because he was not planning to offer a sacrifice, then he decides later, during the ten days, to offer a sacrifice, then he must refrain from cutting his hair and nails from the moment he makes this decision.

Concerning the types of worship to be performed during these ten days: one must understand that these days are a great blessing from Allaah to His slave, which is appreciated properly by the actively righteous. It is the Muslim’s duty to appreciate this blessing and make the most of the opportunity, by devoting these ten days to paying more attention to striving hard in worship. Among His blessings to His slaves, Allaah has given us many ways in which to do good and worship Him, so that the Muslim may be constantly active and consistent in his worship of his Lord.

Among the good deeds which the Muslim should strive to do during the first ten days of Dhu’l-Hijjah are:

Fasting. It is Sunnah to fast on the ninth day of Dhu’l-Hijjah, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged us to do good deeds during this time, and fasting is one of the best of deeds. Allaah has chosen fasting for Himself, as is stated in the hadeeth qudsi: "Allaah says: ‘All the deeds of the son of Adam are for him, except for fasting, which is for Me and I am the One Who will reward him for it.’" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 1805).

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to fast on the ninth of Dhu’l-Hijjah. Hunaydah ibn Khaalid reported from his wife that some of the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to fast on the ninth of Dhu’l-Hijjah, on the day of ‘Aashooraa’, on three days of each month, and on the first two Mondays and Thursdays of each month." (Reported by al-Nisaa’i, 4/205 and by Abu Dawud; classified by al-Albaani as saheeh in Saheeh Abi Dawud, 2/462).

Takbeer. It is Sunnah to say Takbeer ("Allaahu akbar"), Tahmeed ("Al-hamdu Lillaah"), Tahleel ("La ilaha ill-Allaah") and Tasbeeh ("Subhaan Allaah") during the first ten days of Dhu’l-Hijjah, and to say it loudly in the mosque, the home, the street and every place where it is permitted to remember Allaah and mention His name out loud, as an act of worship and as a proclamation of the greatness of Allaah, may He be exalted.
Men should recite these phrases out loud, and women should recite them quietly.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"That they might witness things that are of benefit to them (i.e., reward of Hajj in the Hereafter, and also some worldly gain from trade, etc.), and mention the name of Allaah on appointed days, over the beast of cattle that He has provided for them (for sacrifice)..." [al-Hajj 22:28]

The majority of scholars agree that the "appointed days" are the first ten days of Dhu’l-Hijjah, because of the words of Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him and his father): "The ‘appointed days’ are the first ten days (of Dhu’l-Hijjah)."

The Takbeer may include the words "Allaahu akbar, Allaahu akbar, la ilaaha ill-Allaah; wa Allaahu akbar wa Lillaahi’l-hamd (Allaah is Most Great, Allaah is Most Great, there is no god but Allaah; Allaah is Most Great and to Allaah be praise)," as well as other phrases.

Takbeer at this time is an aspect of the Sunnah that has been forgotten, especially during the early part of this period, so much so that one hardly ever hears Takbeer, except from a few people. This Takbeer should be pronounced loudly, in order to revive the Sunnah and as a reminder to the negligent. There is sound evidence that Ibn ‘Umar and Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with them) used to go out in the marketplace during the first ten days of Dhu’l-Hijjah, reciting Takbeer, and the people would recite Takbeer when they heard them. The idea behind reminding the people to recite Takbeer is that each one should recite it individually, not in unison, as there is no basis in Sharee’ah for doing this.

Reviving aspects of the Sunnah that have been virtually forgotten is a deed that will bring an immense reward, as is indicated by the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "Whoever revives an aspect of my Sunnah that is forgotten after my death, he will have a reward equivalent to that of the people who follow him, without it detracting in the least from their reward." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 7/443; this is a hasan hadeeth because of corroborating asaaneed).

Performing Hajj and ‘Umrah. One of the best deeds that one can do during these ten days is to perform Hajj to the Sacred House of Allaah. The one whom Allaah helps to go on Hajj to His House and to perform all the rituals properly is included in the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "An accepted Hajj brings no less a reward than Paradise."

Doing more good deeds in general, because good deeds are beloved by Allaah and will bring a great reward from Him. Whoever is not able to go to Hajj should occupy himself at this blessed time by worshipping Allaah, praying (salaat), reading Qur’an, remembering Allaah, making supplication (du’aa’), giving charity, honouring his parents, upholding the ties of kinship, enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, and other good deeds and acts of worship.

Sacrifice. One of the good deeds that will bring a person closer to Allaah during these ten days is offering a sacrifice, by choosing a high-quality animal and fattening it, spending money for the sake of Allaah.

Sincere repentance. One of the most important things to do during these ten days is to repent sincerely to Allaah and to give up all kinds of disobedience and sin. Repentance means coming back to Allaah and foregoing all the deeds, open and secret, that He dislikes, out of regret for what has passed, giving it up immediately and being determined never to return to it, but to adhere firmly to the Truth by doing what Allaah loves.
If a Muslim commits a sin, he must hasten to repent at once, without delay, firstly because he does not know when he will die, and secondly because one evil deed leads to another.

Repentance at special times is very important because in most cases people’s thoughts turn towards worship at these times, and they are keen to do good, which leads to them recognizing their sins and feeling regret for the past. Repentance is obligatory at all times, but when the Muslim combines sincere repentance with good deeds during the days of most virtue, this is a sign of success, in sha Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "But as for him who repented, believed and did righteous deeds, then he will be among those who are successful." [al-Qasas 28:67]

The Muslim should make sure that he does not miss any of these important occasion, because time is passing quickly. Let him prepare himself by doing good deeds which will bring him reward when he is most in need of it, for no matter how much reward he earns, he will find it is less than he needs; the time of departure is at hand, the journey is frightening, delusions are widespread, and the road is long, but Allaah is ever watchful, and to Him will we return and render account. As the Qur’aan says (interpretation of the meaning):

"So whosoever does good equal to the weight of an atom, shall see it,

And whosoever does evil equal to the weight of an atom, shall see it."

[al-Zalzalah 99:7-8]

There is much to be gained, so make the most of the opportunity afforded by these invaluable and irreplaceable ten days. Hasten to do good works, before death strikes, before one can regret one’s negligence and failure to act, before one is asked to return to a place where no prayers will be answered, before death intervenes between the hopeful one and the things he hopes for, before you are trapped with your deeds in the grave.

O you whose hard heart is as dark as the night, is it not time that your heart was filled with light and became soft? Expose yourself to the gentle breeze of your Lord’s mercy during these ten days, for Allaah will cause this breeze to touch whomever He wills, and whoever is touched by it will be happy on the Day of Judgement. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and all his Family and Companions.

Baby Muslim Mujahid!

2006-12-16T18:24:00.000-05:00


Is this how the scholars of this ummah are created? May Allah bless the ummah of Muhammad (salalahu walayhe wasalam)with Muslims who call to the truth and love Islam.

A message to someone Drowning

2006-12-14T00:02:00.000-05:00

Author: Sh. Hamed ibn Abdullah Al-Ali
Question:
I would like to let you know that I have committed most major sins and I am not saying this in order to take pride in my sins; I used to feel this before but not any longer. I have drunk wine twice in my life or perhaps three times, I don’t know. I have committed adultery with almost 10 women and I was about to destroy the future of a girl but Allah saved her from my harm; I do not know is it possible that Allah repents on me and forgives me? I don’t know, I have tried to repent more than once and every time I return to the same sins to the degree that I have felt I am a hypocrite who is not afraid of death and being accounted. Sometimes I feel that Allah loves me and that I love Him, but then Satan quickly takes over my heart again.

I have defeated Satan in many rounds, but he defeated me in more battles; Is it possible for me to return to Allah once again and how?

I have prayed a lot but more than that I have interrupted my prayers. My weakness has reached points a believer cannot imagine.

I have sworn upon the Holy Quran that I will stop smoking but I haven’t.

I have promised Allah Himself that I will not view pornographic sites and that I will never visit them again and that I will not watch those unclean movies that the west uses to kill our faith but I have broken my promise to Allah; My will has weakened to a level that nobody can imagine after I used to have strength in performance and the ability to change my personality and my way of life;

I have become a person who does not feel the pleasure of life even though I still maintain my soul and my rounds of vice, sins, lying, cheating; so how do I get rescued?

I want to know what religious people have known but what I haven’t. I am sure that they know something I don’t know and don’t feel, so why? This is me so what do I do to benefit me, may Allah benefit you.

Answer:
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise be to Allah, and prayers and greetings upon our prophet Muhammad and his family and companions.

The prophet (PBUH) said Allah will repent upon whoever repents before the sun rises from the west [reported by Muslim from the hadith of Abu Hurairah]

I have read your message, and I know that nothing prevents you from repenting, even if your sins reach the sky or fill the whole earth. As long as the human is in this life, the door of repentance is open. I have noted from your letter that you are living a battle between the call of faith in your heart, and the call of desire that is guided by Satan in your heart

Praise be to Allah the Exalted who has retained in your heart some of the light of faith, which blames you for sins, and beautified good deeds to you.

But this light is weak, because the darkness of sins, which are the blowings of Satan, has weakened this light. This is why it sometimes shines, making your conscience awake a little, only to extinguish again and you return to committing sins.

I will clarify to you the illness that you are suffering from, then I will describe the treatment, so please read this with reflection and interest, may Allah benefit you from it.

Dear brother, the heart is the place of will in the human; sometimes it wants good, and sometimes evil, and the body parts are nothing but soldiers that obey the heart according to what it desires.

The difference between religious people and yourself is that the hearts of the former firmly want good, so their body parts obey this will and are thus persistent in obeying Allah the Exalted. As for yourself, your heart knows good and evil, and differentiates between good and bad deeds, but it cannot want good, so you find that it wants desires even though it knows they will harm it, so it commands the body parts so they obey it, but what is the reason?.

The reason is that the hearts that are immune to Satan easily want to do good because these hearts are healthy and strong. On the other hand, in hearts that Satan can enter and wonder in freely, Satan can easily achieve making the heart want sins, after he has made them look attractive to the heart, because the latter is ill and full of satanic germs.

For some people, Satan only briefly enters their hearts owing to the strong immunity surrounding them. For example, those who commit minor sins then quickly repent from them, and those are the ones about whom Allah (SWT) has said (interpretation of the meaning): {The pious ones, when a visitation from Satan afflicts them they become mindful, then lo! they see.}.

There are some people whom Satan never comes close to their hearts, as they are like the sky, which is guarded from devils by flames; likewise their hearts are guarded from devils.

The Prophet (PBUH) has said about this heart white like a smooth rock not harmed by temptation as long as the heavens and earth exist [reported by Muslim from the hadith of Huzaifah (RAA)]. Satan has entered the hearts of other people and has dwelled there and created a nest for himself in which he lays his eggs and hatches them. So he has controlled these hearts, commanding them to do forbidden desires, so their hearts want these desires and command their body parts to commit them and they indeed do that. This is because Satan has found hearts that have no immunity, their doors open, weak and ill owing to committing sins, and this is why Allah the Exalted has said about this type (interpretation of the meaning) {Satan has gained the mastery over them, so he has made them forget the remembrance of Allah}.

Because the zikr (remembrance) of Allah is immunity from Satan, Satan has made them forget it in order to control and drive their hearts, which their body parts will then follow.

The heart is not immunized from Satan except with the zikr of Allah the Exalted, and it does not have the strength to want good except by doing good deeds.

Satan does not defeat the heart unless it is inattentive of the zikr of Allah the Exalted and weak because of committing sins and vice.

And now, after you have known the reason why your heart does not obey you in wanting to do good and avoid sins, and cannot preserve its righteousness, the treatment is in the following medical prescription. Take it and maintain it as its results are guaranteed -Allah willing - if you persevere it honestly:

1.Maintain the five prayers in congregation, especially the fajr prayer and never miss it. Allah the Exalted says {and the fajr reading, for the fajr reading is witnessed} i.e. the fajr prayer is witnessed by angels.

2. After the fajr prayer remain in the mosque to read the Quran until sunrise, and then offer 2 rakas 10 minutes after sunrise.

3. Say subhan Allah wa bi hamdih (may Allah be glorified and praised) one hundred times a day at any time in the mosque or house, whether walking, sitting, in the car, etc. This zikr wipes out sins.

4. Ask forgiveness of Allah one hundred times each day, saying astaghfirullah wa atoobu ilayh (I ask forgiveness of Allah and I repent to Him), once again at any time you wish and in whatever condition you are in.

5. Say this zikr: la ilaha illa Allahu wahdahu la sharika lah, lahulmulku wa lahulhamdu wa howa ala kul shayin qadeer (there is no god but Allah; He has no partner; He has the possession and praise, and He is capable of everything) one hundred times each day at any time you wish and in whatever condition you are in. It doesn’t necessarily have to be said in the mosque. The prophet (PBUH) maintained these zikrs, as they are the life of the heart and its indispensable nutrition.

6.Between Maghrib and Ishaa remain in the mosque and do not leave it, and recite as much as you can of the Quran while concentrating.

7.You should totally avoid watching TV and reading magazines, and going to places where there is vice, as you are in quarantine in order to restore health to your heart, and the medicine (good deeds) will not benefit you if you induce disease (sins) into your heart during the treatment period.

8. Continue this program for at least a month: living with the Quran reciting it with consideration, and acting upon what is in it; spending time alone for long hours for the zikr of Allah the Exalted. The proof of doing this for a month is that the prophet (PBUH) ordered that by saying “Recite the Quran in a month, in 25 days, in 10 days, in 7 days” [Bukhari & Muslim from the hadith of Ibn Omar].

9.If the environment in which you live does not support you in applying this program then change this environment: abandon bad friends, and avoid places in which you spend your free time if they encourage you to commit sins, and if you can travel to Makkah for example to follow this program then do it.

10. Donate part of your money as a form of repentance to Allah the Exalted, as secret charities are seen only by Allah the Exalted. In the authentic hadith “Secret charities extinguish the anger of the Lord” [narrated by ibn Hibban from the hadith of Anas].

11. Try to perform umrah with the intention of renewing your faith and cleansing your past with the water of this blessed trip. The prophet (PBUH) said A umrah causes forgiving of sins since the previous umrah, and an accepted hajj has no reward other than paradise [Bukhari & Muslim from the hadith of Abu Hurairah (RAA)].

12. If you owe anything to others return everything, and do not retain anything you will be accounted for, as a form of repentance to Allah.

13. Ask Allah every night during the sahar (prior to fajr) with this supplication Rabbi inni zalamtu nafsi zulman kathiran wa la yaghfir uzunuba illa Ant, faghfir lee maghfiratan min indik warhamni, inaka Anta Alghafoor Urraheem (My Lord, I have oppressed myself a lot and only You forgive sins, so forgive me a forgiveness from You and have mercy upon me, You are Most Forgiving, Most Merciful), and also Allahuma alhimni rushdi wa qini shar nafsi(O Allah, grant me my the right way and protect me from the evil of myself), as the prophet (PBUH) taught these two to some of his companions.

In addition, perform a lot of istighfar and supplication, as the sahar is a time of acceptance of supplication. This is your prescription, and one month is not necessarily the period required, as change might appear on you before that, or you might need more than a month in this quarantine. The goal is to expel Satan from the heart and clean his traces and dirt and the filth that he has placed there, as this is the reason behind the weakness of your heart and its incapability of wanting good and doing good deeds, and its quickness to follow desires.

So if health returns to your heart and you become fit and strong when it comes to the zikr of Allah the Exalted, immune from the cunningness of Satan, then you may slightly reduce this program to the extent that you can withstand, as the prophet (PBUH) said “You should do what you can withstand” [Bukhari & Muslim from the hadith of Aisha (RAA)], unless you can withstand more than this, for in this case you should increase doing good as long as your heart loves good deeds.

These faithful duties are the levels as considered by Allah: the more a servant does, s/he ascends in the levels of piety. The best things to perform are what Allah has prescribed upon you (obligatory forms of worship). You will notice that things have changed in a surprising manner, as long as you maintain the prescription I have given you, and you will find yourself hating to commit sins and your heart not wanting them, looking at them with inferiority and disdain. You will also like good deeds and feel enthusiastic about them, and feel their good taste in your heart. The secret behind this change is that you have treated you heart with the zikr of Allah the Exalted and good deeds until your heart has become healthy wanting good and loving it after it was ill, wanting evil and sins and loving them. Allah, the Truth and Exalted says (interpretation of the meaning) {but Allah has endeared the faith to you and has made it seemly in your hearts, and He has made hateful to you unbelief and transgression and disobedience; those are the followers of the right way).

By grace from Allah and as a favor; and Allah is Most Knowing, Most Wise} and Allah knows best.

Sh. Hamed ibn Abdullah Al-Ali, who loves good for You.

The Power of Dua

2006-12-12T08:54:00.000-05:00

Salamu alaykum,

I just wanted to share something that happened to me the other day that really lets me know how powerful prayer/dua and qadr(the decree of Allah) are.

My husband has me depositing the daily cash receipts for his business in the bank. The friday before last, I had a deposit of $400 to make in the bank and I figured I would do it after jumah so I put it in my purse and then left to pick up my daughter from school as I normally get her early on friday if I go to jumah or I'd be late picking her up. So I rush to the school and get her then we go to jumah. After jumah they have vendors outside selling food so I buy some curry lamb and rice. Then I return home for a minute and tell my husband I'm going to the bank to deposit the money.

I look in my purse and the money is not there! I start to speculate and retrace my footsteps. I think maybe I dropped it at the masjid or someone took it out of my purse. So I look all over the masjid and in the field, on the grass, everywhere and no money or deposit slip anywhere.

I then think maybe I dropped it at my daughters school so I call the school and no one turned in or found any money. So then my husband is a bit concerned and upset as we really can't afford to just lose money like this. He thinks maybe I didn't put it in my purse afterall and it's in the house somewhere, so we scour the house and nothng. I tell him I will just take the money out of savings and replace it. He's like no we have to find it. I start to make dua to Allah to help me find it.

At that time it's 3:30 p.m. and we get invovled in doing something else and I become resigned to the fact that the money will not be found.

Then about 10:30 p.m. my husband brings up the lost money again and is determined that we will get the money and he starts searching outside in the driveway with a flashlight. I then start making dua again for Allah to help me find it. He searches our whole front yard and near the creek looking for the money and doesn't find it. He says something is driving him to find it. He then asks again when was the last time I saw the money - did I remember seeing it when I bought the food. I tell him no I don't remember seeing it. He then questioned whether my purse was zipped or unzipped and initially I had told him that it was zipped the whole time except when I bought the food.

But suddenly straight after making dua it came to me that I didn't have my purse zipped all the time as I would have unzipped my purse to put my keys in there. My husband then decides right then that we have to go back to the school at midnight and search for the money with the flashlight. First I say no a student would have got it and taken it home if I dropped it there. He insisted we go, so we drove to the school and I showed him the exact spot where I had parked the car.

You won't believe he got out of our car with the flashnight at midnight and on the ground in the same piece of paper folded up was the $400 and the deposit slip. There were tire marks on the paper where cars rolled over it. As the paper was folded up you couldn't see the money. I was like Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar!

The power of dua. My husband said something was pushing him to go out that night and find the money. He just felt driven to do it with a lot of adrenalin and energy and al hamdulilaah that just shows the power of dua and the qadr of Allah. Allah decrees a thing and it happens. When we returned home we prostrated out of thankfulness to Allah we were so happy!

Dealing with a Troublesome Husband

2006-12-10T01:36:00.000-05:00

Dealing with a Troublesome Husband
By Shaykh Ibn Baaz (d.1420H)
[al-Istiqaamah]

Q.3]: Even though my husband - may Allaah forgive him - is a person of good character and fears Allaah, yet he does not treat me with kindness. He is always moody, frowning and troubled at heart - and he often says that I am the cause of this. However, Allaah knows - and all praise is for Allaah - that I do fulfill his rights and try to bring to him tranquility and peace of mind and I try to stay clear of all that which displeases him, whilst patiently bearing his excesses against me. Every time I ask him about something, or speak about a particular matter, he becomes angry and says that my speech is stupidity - even though I know that he is perfectly happy in the company of his friends and associates. However, when it concerns me, then he does not treat me in the same manner, nor with the same feeling. This causes me great hurt and anger and I have often considered leaving the house. I have - and all praise is for Allaah - been educated to a good level and fulfill that which Allaah has obligated me with. O noble Shaykh! If I leave the house with my children, try to educate them and live my own life, will I be sinful in doing so? Or should I continue to live in my present circumstance, abstain from speaking and continue patiently bearing these difficulties? Please advise me as to what I should do - and may Allaah reward you with goodness.

[A.3]: There is no doubt that it is obligatory for the husband and wife to live together in a kind and sociable manner. There should be good manners and treatment between them, along with affection and pleasant behaviour - as Allaah the Mighty and Majestic – says,
‘‘And live with them in honour and in kindness.’’ [Sooratun-Nisaa‘ 4:19]
And His - the Most Perfect – saying,
‘‘And the wives have rights over the husbands - similar to those of the husbands over them - in that which is reasonable. But men have a degree over them.’’ [Sooratul-Baqarah 2:228]
The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘‘Righteousness is good character.’’ [1] And he (alayhis-salaatu was-salaam) then said, ‘‘Do not consider any good action as insignificant- even if it is meeting your brother with a cheerful face.’’ [2] And he (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) also said, ‘‘The most perfect of Believers in eemaan (faith) is the one with the best character. And the best of you are those that are best to their women-folk, and I am the best amongst you to my family.’’ [3] There are besides these many other ahaadeeth which are a general proof for the encouragement of good character, cheerful meeting and good companionship between Muslims. If this is the general case between Muslims, then good treatment between husband and wife and relatives is even more important. You have done well in patiently persevering and bearing the ill treatment and bad character from your husband. However, I advise you to have even greater patience and not to leave the house, and if Allaah - the Most High - wills, there will be a great deal of good in this and a praiseworthy end for you. Allaah - the Most Perfect – said,
‘‘Patiently persevere! Indeed Allaah is with those who patiently persevere.’’ [Sooratul-Anfaal 6:46]
And His - the Mighty and Majestic – saying,
‘‘Indeed whosoever fears Allaah, obeys Him, turns away from disobedience and patiently perseveres, then Allaah does not cause the rewards of the doers of good to be lost.’’ [Soorah Yoosuf 12:90]
And His - the Mighty and Majestic – saying,
‘‘Only those who patiently persevere shall receive their reward in full without reckoning.’’ [Sooratuz-Zumar 39:10]
And His - the Most Perfect - saying,
‘‘So patiently persevere! Indeed, the end will be good for those who are pious.’’ [Soorah Hood 11:49]
However, this does not prevent you from speaking to your husband with such words, and behaving with him in such a manner, that will soften his heart- and lead to him being pleased with you and fulfilling your rights of companionship. And as long as he is fulfilling the main and important obligations towards you, then try not to ask him for any worldly need, until his heart is opened and his chest is expanded in accepting your request and fulfilling your needs; in this way - if Allaah wills your ending will be a praiseworthy one. May Allaah grant you increase in all that is good, and that the condition of your husband improves, and that he is guided to good character, kindness in companionship and to fulfilling the rights that are due upon him. Indeed Allaah is the best of those who are asked, and only He guides to the path that is straight. [4]
Footnotes:
[1] Related by Muslim (4/1980) from an-Nawwaas Ibn Sam’aan (radiyallaahu ’anhu).
[2] Saheeh: Related b Ahmad (5/63) and it was authenticated by al-Albaanee in as-Saheehah (no. 1352).
[3] Hasan: Related by at-Tirmidhee (1/217-218) who said, ‘‘The hadeeth is Hasan Saheeh.’’
[4] al-Fataawaa (1/193-194)

What I Like About You -Baby!

2006-12-08T23:13:00.000-05:00

This post is dedicated to the one I love!
The one I've been married to for over 8 years.
The man of my dreams
My best friend in the whole world.
The one I count on when times are hard
And I need some understanding..

He is the one
the only one
for me.
No one else
can touch him.
No one else can replace him.
I sometimes take for granted
that he will always be there.
But I shouldn't because
Allah knows if he were to be taken
from my life
I would cry until there were no more tears..
And then cry some more
The sadness would never leave me
And the despair would never end
Until I meet my Lord.

6 Weird Things About Me

2006-12-07T08:15:00.000-05:00

Here are the rules: Each player of this game starts with the "6 Weird Things about You." People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. When I was growing up I loved the show the Flintstones and decided that I would name my kids Pebbles and Bambam after two of the characters. Unfortunately my husband did not agree and it still remains a dream.

2. My first encounter with a muslim was when I was 7 years old and my dad was in the Navy and we lived in Morocco on a military base for 1 year. We had a maid named Khadijah and she was the best. I have fond memories of her riding us around the house on her back and cooking coscoos. My family has pictures of her and she was wearing hijab and jilbab. I didn't know she was a muslim at the time or realize what that meant. I later did not encounter any more muslims until I was in my 20s and of course converted when I was 26.

3. When I get stressed I used to love to escape and get away from it all and go to the Caribbean alone! Unfortunately with 5 kids and a hubby who just doesn't 'get it' I'm able to continue this favorite destressing activity.

4. My ex-husband asked my current husband not to marry me on my wedding day as he decided that he wanted to remarry me. Too little to late to ever start again.

5. I have kids that were born in three different countries.

6. I have a wild kitten who showed up at my front doorstep meowing several months ago and now has taken on the characteristics of my wild children. He frantically chases his own tail, steals meat off your plate when you're not looking when his bowl is full of food, races through the house like a maniac, bumping into things, high jumping, scaling the walls, swipes at you when you walk by, climbs on my children's back for a backride, will eat a chicken bone like a dog, grabs the paper off the printer when it's coming out, jumps on tables and knocks things over, broke my brand new glass tea pot, catches dragonflies and brings them to my children as presents, and thinks it's one of my children!

I tag Our Rewards, Polygamous Blessings, Al Yusra, Gharabiya, Islamic Homeschool Diary, and Organic Muslimah

"If the Dead Were Asked the Reason For Their Death, They'd Answer

2006-11-28T12:57:00.000-05:00

Commentary of Hadeeth #47*
*By Imaam Ibn Rajab*

Al Miqdaad ibn Ma'dy Karib (*radhiyallaahu 'anhu*) narrated: "I heard the Messenger of Allaah (*sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam*) saying: *"The son of Aadam never filled a vessel more vicious than his stomach. It is sufficient for a son of Aadam to eat enough food to provide for his essential needs. If it is inevitable to eat more than that, he shall fill one third (of his stomach) with food, one third with drink, and leave one third (empty) for breathing (comfortably)."*

*{At Tirmidhee Kitaabuz Zuhd #2380} He labeled it as "good and authentic."It was also recorded by Al Mubaarak in Kitaabuz Zuhd #603, by Al Bayhaaqi in his Shu'ab al Eemaan #5648, 5650 and by At Tabaraani 20/274.*

*The Importance of this Hadeeth*

This hadeeth is a basis of three principles medicine. It is narrated that when the physician Ibn Masawayh read this hadeeth in the book on Abu Khuthaimah laahu 'anhu*) he said*, "If people make use of such words, they will be protected from diseases and maladies; hospitals and pharmacies will have no patients."* He said this because *overeating is reason for all diseases*.

Al Haarith ibn Kildah, a prominent 'Arab physician said, *"Diet is the mother of medicine and overeating is the mother of illness."*

Al Haarith also said*, "That which kills human beings and annihilates animals in the wilderness is eating food while the stomach is still full of undigested food."*

It is also quoted, *"If the dead were asked what the reason was for their death, they would've answered, "overeating." *

These are but some of the benefits of diet for having sound health. As for the heart, *little food brings about tender hearts, sound understanding, and humility*. A small amount food also decreases bodily desires and anger. Too much food results in just the opposite effect.

Ibn 'Umar (*radhiyallaahu 'anhu*) said, *"I have not been completely satiated for the last four months." *

'Amr ibn Qays (*radhiyallaahu 'anhu*) said, *"Beware of overeating, it hardens the hearts."*

Salamah ibn Sa'eed (*radhiyallaahu 'anhu*) said, *"Men use to be criticized for overeating as much as they were criticized for committing sins."*

Muhammad ibn An Nadr al Haarithy (*radhiyallaahu 'anhu*) said, *"Hunger leads to piety as fullness leads to arrogance."*

Ash Shaafi'ee said (*rahimahullaah*) said, *"I have not been full for 16 years because fullness results in laziness, witlessness and sleepiness. In addition, it weakens one's ability to worship."*

Imaam Ibn Rajab (rahimahullaah) Jaami' Al 'Uloom wal Hikam
Hadeeth #47,Pages 591 - 592Trans. by Muhammad Fadl*

valid reasons for khula

2006-11-20T20:15:00.000-05:00

Since there were a few questions about the valid reasons for a khula I thought I would post what I found from Shaykh ibn Jibreen on Islam QA site as acceptable reasons. Of course as we know if the husband doesn't agree to the khula we have to go to a judge in a Muslim country or the Islamic shura body in the west who handles these issues. Sometimes it might be just the local iman and sometimes its a group of brothers who hears these cases. I didn't want to advocate for everyone going out to get a khula who falls under the category's below because sometimes with Allah's help the brother can change and the circumstances could be a temporary setback, i.e. lost job, underemployed, temporarily infatuated with new wife. Whatever and so one should not be hasty in getting a khula just because the man is falling short, as patience may just be the best outcome.

Question:
Is it possible for the wife to get a khula even if the husband will not agree to it? Can you mention some reasons ?.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

I put this question to our Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Jibreen, and he answered as follows:

If a woman dislikes her husband’s treatment of her – for example, he is over-strict, hot-tempered or easily-provoked, or gets angry a lot, or criticizes her and rebukes her for the slightest mistake or shortcoming, then she has the right of khula’ [female-instigated divorce].

If she dislikes his physical appearance because of some deformity or ugliness, or because one of his faculties is missing, she has the right of khula’.

If he is lacking in religious commitment – for example, he doesn’t pray, or neglects to pray in jamaa’ah, or does not fast in Ramadaan without a proper excuse, or he goes to parties where haraam things are done, such as fornication, drinking alcohol and listening to singing and musical instruments, etc. – she has the right of khula’.

If he deprives of her of her rights of spending on her maintenance, clothing and other essential needs, when he is able to provide these things, then she has the right to ask for khula’.

If he does not give her her conjugal rights and thus keep her chaste because he is impotent (i.e. unable to have intercourse), or because he does not like her, or he prefers someone else, or he is unfair in the division of his time [i.e., among co-wives], then she has the right to ask for khula’.

And Allaah knows best.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Jibreen

Sick and Shut In

2006-11-19T15:45:00.000-05:00

Oh the title is remniscent of my preislamic days when at church on sunday the minister would announce those who were sick and shut in and ask for the congregation to pray for them and drop by for a visit.

I think they need to do something similar as it is praiseworthy in Islam to visit the sick.

I have the flu and so does my 3 1/2 month old. We were up all last night - she would not stop crying. Only when I played surah baqarah on the computer did she quiet down but she still wanted me to hold her and would cry when I put her down.
As we know in the Qur'an there is a healing and al hamduilaah it did stop her screaming as I was at my wits end. I'm wacked out today with no sleep and no energy.

That's all for now.

Rulings of the khula

2006-11-19T15:11:00.000-05:00

Question:
If a wife asks her husband for a khula and he accepts, how long is the waiting period?Is it irrevocable i.e can they ever re-marry?

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

If the woman who has been divorced by khula’ is pregnant then her ‘iddah lasts until she gives birth, according to scholarly consensus. Al-Mughni, 11/227.

But if she is not pregnant, the scholars differed concerning her ‘iddah. Most of the scholars said that she should wait for three menstrual cycles, because of the general meaning of the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):

“And divorced women shall wait (as regards their marriage) for three menstrual periods”
[al-Baqarah 2:228]

But the correct view is that it is sufficient for a woman divorced by khula’ to wait for one menstrual cycle, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays, when she divorced him by khula’, to wait out the ‘iddah for one menstrual cycle. (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1185; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 946). This hadeeth refers specifically to khula’ divorce whereas the aayah quoted above speaks of divorce in general. But if she waits out an ‘iddah of three menstrual cycles that will be more complete and will be on the safe side, and will avoid an area of scholarly dispute, as some scholars say that she should wait for three menstrual cycles, based on the aayah quoted.

Fataawa al-Talaaq by Shaykh Ibn Baaz, 1/286.

There is nothing wrong with them remarrying with a new marriage contract.
------------------------------------------------------------

So that is what one of the scholars of Islam said about the khula and there are different kinds of khulas which I didn't realize. There is the khula where the husband agrees to the khula in return for the mahr, and then there is the khula where the wife gets a ruling from the judge, then in the west where there are no Islamic judges the wife can get a ruling from an Islamic body set up to deal with these issues. In London I know they have the Islamic Shariah Council but in the USA Allah knows best what each community has in place to decide.

The divorce of a Muslimah from her husband is an affair which is loathsome to Allah and not a praise worthy event. This is due to the problems and possible evils. However, if there is a situation in the marriage life taking place between the man and the women, due to a defect or defects in one or both of them, such problems of deen, bad character, sickness, or a defect such as being sterile or similar. Then out of the mercy of Allah, seeking divorce is permissible. In this case, it is okay and there is nothing prohibited in seeking a divorce.

The thing which is prohibited is a wife seeking a divorce from her husband for no reason of the shariah. There is a serious promise made for seeking a divorce without a valid reason. It is reported in the hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), "If a women asks her husband for a divorce, for no reason, then the smell of paradise is forbidden for her". (At-Tirmidhi narrated it. He said this is a hasan hadith. Sunnah At-Tirmidhi #1187.)

The hadith "marry and do not divorce for verily divorce causes the arsha (throne of Allah) to shake" is also forged and da'eef. (Al Jami As- Sagheer #2429)

Finally Some Sleep

2006-11-02T18:26:00.000-05:00

As'salamu alaykum

Finally I got some rest and relaxation! Oh yeah and I did so deserve it. My workload has increased exponentially since my post in September where I mentioned that zogee thinks that all I do is sleep all day.

He has finally got me working for his new business at home albeit but working. Now I do the payroll for all of his employees, employee handbook, deposit cash receipts, as well as give him marketing ideas. He would like me to come in on the weekend and help out but alas the newborn baby has been allowed as an excuse. He will say of course bring her to work with you but then I say what happens when she starts screaming and the customers wonder what's going on. That won't be good for business. So for now he is accepting this idea as the baby is fully breast fed and not taking regular food yet or even a bottle al hamdulilaah.

I also am doing some freelance writing. For those of you great writers check out Guru.com and you can write and get paid inshallah.

Today was a good day for sleeping and I was glad hubby couldn't see me as the reality of what he thinks goes on every day happened today. I got the kids up at 6:00 a.m. and onto their bus at 6:45 a.m. No running to the bus stop late today like on Monday!! No they made it their on time and then the 4 year old I took her to school early at 7:00 a.m. Normally I barely get her there on time at 7:45 a.m. So after the school drop off I went to the post office to ship some of my internet orders. I sell blackseed online. Then I went back home around 8:30 and did some work online and by 9:30 I was in bed with the baby nap nursing and sleeping!! Oh sweet sweet sleep I miss you when you are gone. Please come again soon. It was so lovely. We stayed in bed till noon!!
No phone calls, no cat, no nothing but napping and nursing!

Then I get up and start rushing around, doing housework, cleaning, packing more black seed for shipment, doing payroll and assorted stuff for the business. I then head off at 2 pm to pick the 4 year old up at school, go to the back and deposit the business receipts and the post office to post another order. Then I speed home to get the other kids who are waiting outside the door to be let in the house!

Next comes homework with 4 kids, tears, screaming, fighting, tears, tattle tells, MOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!
Oh Allah give me strength. Then I forget about Qur'an school till the 4 year old reminds me so they leave at 5 p.m. to go there late! They should have been there at 4:30 p.m. and now its Magrib time to pick them up. In between while they were gone I cleaned up my bedroom and the study, and tasted dinner - Beef stew. would be nice with some nice dinner rolls but I don't have it in me today and well I need to loose this pre and post baby FAT! Make dua as right now that's the only thing that will help!!

So now I'm running late to pick them up as I'm typing this --I'll be back!

Miscarriage of Justice

2006-10-14T18:48:00.000-04:00

Salamu alaykum,

It's been weighing heavy on my mind, this miscarriage of justice.
There's a muslim friend of mine who has been married a little over 2 years and unfortunately I've lost count on the number of miscarriages she has had to
endure in the last two years. I know it is more than 4 but the pain must
feel like 400.

This last miscarriage shocked me to the core. She was going through some difficulty and I made dua for Allah to bless her with a healthy baby and then she tells me that she can't get pregnant because she is taking birth control. After the last several miscarriages the doctor told her to give her womb a chance to heal before trying again so she went on contraceptives. So she was on these and I said well yes you can just be late or miss a day. She said no she's getting the injectable once a month so there is no missing.

Lo an behold a month or so later she pops up pregnant! I was so happy thinking my dua for her had been answered. The pregnancy was hard she couldn't keep down any food and everything she ate she vomitted for 3 months then month 4 comes and she starts to bleed and the vomitting ends. She of course had quit her job as soon as she found out she was pregnant and was on semi bedrest and not doing anything for fear of unsettling the baby and having another miscarriage. So then when the bleeding started the vomitting stopped and the baby was expelled. It was a boy this time and she named him Yahyah. She gave him a good name and buried him then she made the dua Inna lilahe wa inna lilayhe rajioon. Allahuma jurney fee maseebati.... From Allah we belong and to Him Do We return. O Allah give me something better than what I had lost.

During the miscarriage she almost bled to death and had to have a transfusion with 4 pints of blood! This was during the first week of Ramadaan. And now of course she is hanging in there - she doesn't complain - she's never complained - she's been one of the patient - one of the steadfast - but she's tired of burying children and of course can't bear to get pregnant again with hope and then have it turn to despair.

I tell her all of the dua and the hope of her dead children being a way for her to enter jannah. I talk to her about getting checked out by a fertility specialist and well they've found nothing wrong. This is her test from Allah and May Allah grant her ease. She is also tested seeing me having 5 children and getting pregnant while making dua not to as I am overwhelmed with children and don't know what to do with it. I wish it were halal for me to use my uterus as a vessel to carry the baby for her but Allah has a plan for her. She who is so good with children who helped to raise her siblings who were seperated from their mom. She who waited to get married until she felt her brothers and sisters could be apart from her and not rely on her care as she knew when marrying a husband might take her away from them.

Please if reading this make dua for my friend. She has many children waiting for her in jannah but she would like to have one to raise down here. I want that for her so much and I will pray during these last 10 nights in sujood that Allah will bless her with a beautiful blessing and give her a child who will be a blessing to the ummah of Muhammad who will strive hard in Allah's cause, and be everything that a muslim mom would want. Ameen. Allahumma Ameen.

Allah does answer the dua of the believer if they are patient and don't despair.

When I Dream - I Dream in Color

2006-09-30T23:13:00.000-04:00

Salamu alaykum,

For some reason this verse keeps running through my mind - I don't know why.

I keep thinking and day dreaming

And when I dream I dream in color.

I guess it's because I want things that I can't have right now. I want a vacation from my life as it exists right now. I dream of solitude and peace and joy and happiness. No crying, no lying, no dying, no whining...

I don't even know anymore, but when I dream I dream in color.
And so the plot thickens

If I was unaware, if I didn’t care
About people and places and things
How could I live a life full and satisfied
Now knowing how to dream
When I dream, oh, yeah
When I dream, I dream in color

Memories of Ramadan's Past

2006-09-27T13:41:00.000-04:00

Salamau alaykum,

This Ramadan is starting off as one of the dullest ever I must admit. I'm not really feeling the spirit of Ramadan and the coming together of the ummah at all. I went to the masjid the first day for iftar but my 2 month old baby was 'not' ready for prime time to say the least. As soon as I set foot in the masjid for magrib prayer she burst out screaming. A sister who wasn't praying offered to hold her and she screamed during the whole salat outside the masjid. I couldn't concentrate or reflect as all I could hear were her piercing yells.

Then during the dinner they had afterwards she continued screaming and would not become calm for a long time. Even breast feeding wouldn't calm her and she refused to nurse. She was not happy at all! Her 9 year old sister asked to hold her and low and behold in 5 minutes she was quiet again and fell asleep! Al hamdulilaah for sleep as I would have had to leave otherwise.

I ate and my 3 other daugthers proceeded to annoy me and whine about the amount of food and drink they had. I had cooked at home and well they needed to stop whining as they didn't fast that first day. So I spoke to a few sisters there and it was an all right evening. One sister commented that her mom used to have kids that were really bad and she had to leave off coming to the masjid for a long, long time. She just was unable to come anymore. I took that as a hint about my daughter 'the 2 month old screamer'.

Anyway, I was reading another sisters blog and she was reminiscing on memories of a visit to the USA and it reminded me of Ramadan's past when I lived in a kinder but gentler city. I lived in my home town city. I lived in the Washington DC metropolitan area.

I remember sister's calling me up and letting me know that the moon had been sighted. I remember calling the masjid to confirm the moon had been sighted. I remember going to the masjid and seeing the sister's remembering Allah and reading Qur'an and reflecting on the glory of Islam. I remember those days when I would visit a different community each night and break fast there it was so much fun.

I would go to a masjid in Maryland and say al hamdulilaah as they had nice spicy food and the taraweeh prayer was beautiful. I remember the sister's we would get together and have halacas and talks and iftar gatherings. It was so nice. I remember we would travel to different masjids when we heard that such and such sheikh was reciting there tonight a not to be missed event. We would then go to the masjid in Falls Church who had a reciter from Saudi who was bringing everyone to tears.

I remember visiting over 5 different communities during one Ramadan and being invited to different sister's houses to break fast. I remember praying and staying in the masjid during the last 10 nights and taking off work during the last 10 nights so that I could increase in my ebadaah. I remember finishing the Qur'an so quickly that I had to start it over again during Ramadan. I remember the thirst for knowledge and the sisterhood that was all around me. I remember it all and think wow I wonder if I will ever have that again. Those were the days - the days of beauty when my emaan was high and I was on the straight path. Now I am still on the straight path but my location has changed and the memories of Ramadan past bring sadness as I see and recognize that this Ramadan will not even measure up to that in any way shape or form.

Those were the Ramadan's that I took for granted when I first became Muslim not realizing that these were indeed special moments in time. I remember being so sad that Ramadan was over and feeling like I had lost my dearest friends. I had never seen the community come together so well and so often and it was beautiful. May Allah bless me once again to return to the place where I experienced this beautiful Ramadan to again live there and revitalize the feelings of Ramadan.

O Ramadan! O Ramadan - Let this Ramadan be an awakening of my deen! Ya Allah you are the most Merciful of Those who show Mercy. O Allah increase me in goodness and bless me with a Ramadan that increases my emaan, widens my friendship, and changes my life. Ameen.

Allahumma Ameen.

It is Inside That I Cry

2006-09-13T00:16:00.000-04:00

Salamu alaykum,

The trials of life and death. Children really make you reflect. My 9 year old daughter has trouble making friends. Today she came home from Qur'an school at the masjid saying some muslim girl was bothering her and made her cry. Actually my 4 year old told me that someone was bother her big sister at the masjid. I asked her about it and finally she told me. Some girl pushed her and did some back flip in front of her and took her to the bathroom and told her off.

I had a number of solutions for her which might not all have been beneficial. She is always getting bullied so I told her its time to fight back. I told her that basically some people like to feel big and make you feel small. I told her not to do anything to her in the masjid as that is not good adab/manners but to set the girl straight and let her know to stop messing with her or there would be consequences. I told her to punch her outside and set her straight that there was more if need be. Of course my daughter has the backbone that I had as a child and she is afraid to do this drastic measure.

So then I gave her option two which is to make dua for the girl to be her friend and ask Allah to change the way she treats you as Allah can change people's hearts. I also told her to be patient and not to despair.

She wasn't very hopeful of this solution.

I then told her to look at and think about people who are worse off then her when she gets upset and then things won't seem so bad. She was like what do you mean so I explained and told her the many cases of people suffering around the muslim world and being bombed and murdered, raped, knifed, etc. Still I don't think she got it so I did a google search on muslim suffering pictures and I found some gory pictures of suffering and doom and gloom and it was graphic and ugly and heart wrenching, and then she understood. Then she understood what it meant to know real suffering and real pain, and real trauma. She saw the babies cut open, she saw the kids with blood pouring out of them, she saw the person with their head blown off. She saw the homes turned to rubble. She saw the homes with holes drilled in them from bombs and asked why. Why mommy is this happening? I said because certain people do not like other people. This is similar to you and that girl at the masjid who teases you and pushes you and makes fun of you, but the treatment here is something worthy of crying about. When you look at these pictures you should cry. Your heart should feel heavy and you should feel deeply sad. It is inside that I cry.

I looked at those pictures, but it was inside that I cry. All my children gathered around my computer and they looked at those pictures and saw the reality that is so often hid from them. They tried to compare it to 9/11 as there teachers are discussing this at school. I told them no this is not 9/11, this is worse than 9/11 as this goes on every day in the muslim world. People that don't like us feel they can destroy us at random. My daughter wanted to know why people would put pictures like this on the internet. I said, so people will know what is happening. So people will know and try to stop it from happening. The truth is ugly and painful and wretched and yes

It is inside that I cry.

Take a look and let me know how hard your heart is and whether or not you too

It is inside that I cry for these scenes from Lebanon.

F.O.R.D. Found on Road Dead

2006-09-12T07:55:00.000-04:00

Salamu alaykum

I hope everyone is aware of the acronym for Ford cars as it is befitting for my car which is ruining my sleeping life.

We have 3 cars and 2 are out of commission. My husband has likened himself as Mr. Fixit as he is tired of getting ripped off by car mechanics who say they have fixed something and didn't even bother removing the part they say they changed.

So he has been unsuccessful in fixing our Ford Taurus. It is time for a new car. I told my husband we should do a Janaza (muslim funeral prayer) for the Taurus. The car is truly dead. It overheated on the way to get the aqeeqah meat and hasn't moved more than a few feet since. My husband says he fixed it and it moved in the driveway and then it died again and is stuck in the grass!

My husband has new working hours so it's no longer convenient for me to drop my Pre-K daughter off at school. She's the only one whose school doesn't provide bus service so she is out of luck and depressed. Her most common refrain is 'Nothing to do...Nothing to do....Nothing to do...even when I give her something to do. Then it's I want to go to school. She doesn't get that I can't walk 2 miles down the street with no sidewalks and a newborn baby. The bus stop is a mile away walking so there are few alternatives.

I'm considering walking there to lose some of this post natal fat but my daughter wouldn't be able to do it. I can imagine the complaints now as she refuses to walk and falls crying to the ground 'mommy my legs won't move---wawaaa' Is it really worth the extra stress?

My 6 week old baby was up most of the night. She went to sleep around 4 a.m. so I am exhausted. I had to get up and get my 3 other kids ready for the bus and my husband out the door.

Al hamdulilaah my 4 year old has fallen asleep now so there is some relief a coming as I can go back to bed.

Verily with every difficulty there is ease..

Take a look at the picture - I googled dead Ford pictures and came up with a broken down ford that looks just like mine except mine is green.